The Shelf Elf

This time of year, I see a lot of pictures on Facebook from people who have active elves in their homes. These elves, the Elf on the Shelf variety of elves, are said to come to life at night when everyone's asleep, then fly to the North Pole to give a nightly report to Santa. I realize that I don't have any kids, but I thought it would be cool to have an elf in my home as well. So I wrote a letter to Santa. I knew it was late in the holiday season to expect to get an elf of my very own, but I thought I would at least try. Sadly, I never woke up to find an elf anywhere in my house. But I did get a response from Santa

Dear Aaron,

Thank you for your letter. It was good to hear from you after all these years. You're right, it has been some time. Believe it or not, it's still nice to hear from you kids, even after you're all grown up.

I'm sorry to say, I can't spare an elf for your home this year. It isn't because you don't have children of your own. If you'll remember, there was an elf that sat in your grandparents' home for years, even after all their children had grown and moved out. The problem is, all my elves have their assignments this year. But I'll be sure to keep you in mind next year when Christmas comes back around.

I truly am sorry that I can't spare an elf for you and your roommates. I've been trying to think of someone I could send in place of an elf. I'd recruit a garden gnome, but they really don't like to spend any time indoors, even in winter. Leprechauns are no good to anyone outside of March. And even then, they only like to cause trouble. I wouldn't do that to you. Would you like me to check into sending a Keebler elf? You'd never see one of them, they really don't like to be seen. But you could wake up in the morning to fresh baked cookies. They love to bake. Think about it and let me know.

I hope you have a very merry Christmas!

Sincerely,
S. Claus

So, that's what I got back. I'm a little disappointed, but that's what I get for procrastinating. On the other hand, I guess I might be able to look forward to the delicious smell of freshly baked cookies throughout the rest of the month. I mean, if Santa was able to convince one of the Keebler elves to come by. I probably shouldn't hold my breath, though. Maybe I should let Santa know that I'd also settle for Stacy Keibler. I wouldn't complain about a visit from her.