Being Ron Swanson

There will be those of you who are asking, "Who is Ron Swanson?" This means that you've probably never seen Parks and Recreation before.

Ron Swanson is the fictional director of the parks department in fictional Pawnee, Indiana. He's portrayed by the incomparable Nick Offerman. Ron Swanson is who I chose to be this year for Halloween.

I have a job where I'm expected to be a grown-up at all times. So dressing up as a superhero would have been frowned upon. Dressing as Ron Swanson proved to be fairly easy.

The easy part was finding Swansonesque clothing. I figured khakis and a long sleeve polo would do. A little more difficult to deal with was Ron Swanson's trademark mustache. Now, I already had facial hair in the form of the goatee I've worn for the better part of a decade. I just needed to get rid of the bottom half, leaving only the mustache behind. My chin got cold.

I arrived at school and, at first, no one mentioned my slight change in appearance. It's not as if it was a huge change, though. Very subtle. Then I entered the first grade. "Mr. Peck! You grew a mustache!" was the cry of many 6-year-olds. The obviously believe that a mustache is a completely separate growth compared to the goatee I've had all year. Their shouts drew the attention of their teacher. She took one look and immediately burst into laughter. Guess the mustache is not a good look for Mr. Peck.

I agree that it's something I can't really pull off. So the mustache came off today. My mustache just isn't as epic as Ron Swanson's. Honestly, me with a mustache gives me a creepy kind of vibe that I just can't deal with.

There are other aspects of being Ron that I could handle a bit better. It's easy to complain about the ineffectiveness of the government. I also would not mind enjoying a steak dinner. Or all of the eggs and bacon that you have.