My Advice to Travelers to LA

Nicole left today on a trip to Los Angeles to visit her sister, Jen. In honor of her time away, I've decided to post a list of dos and don'ts. Even though she's been out there before, I've been there much more recently and would like to offer my own advice.

DO close your eyes while speeding down the freeway. This is no reflection of Jen's driving ability. This is a reflection of the uncertainty of the abilities of those around you. In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to compliment Jen on her driving. When I was out there, I'm pretty sure I asked how long it took her to get used to that sort of offensive driving. I think it would take me longer than I'd care to admit.

DON'T overestimate the effects of the Swine Flu. I really don't think it's as bad as the media would like us to believe. I think this may be where that kid from Live Free or Die Hard had it right. The media is just trying to scare us. It won't work. That's right, I'm talking to you Katie Couric!

DO try some sushi when Jen and Co. offer it to you. I know you'll be going to a different place than wherever it was that Jen took me. The place where I tried the sushi wasn't a sushi place. But I tried it. I'm not one to try new things, but I tried it. It was actually pretty good. After that, I probably would have willingly allowed her to take me to get some real sushi, but the opportunity never presented itself.

DON'T try to change the past. You will be 3 hours behind the east coast. I know it will be tempting to try to make changes to history. You'll just wind up disappointed. If this season of Lost has taught us anything, it's that whatever happened happened. While Back to the Future is a great movie, the theories presented there are just impractical.

DO have your picture taken with Superman in front of the Chinese theater. However, DON'T pay him for it, no matter how much he begs. Here's a clue, he's not the real Superman. He's just a glorified panhandler.

DO enjoy your precious Burbank Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Even though you are under the delusion that these are the best in the land. You're wrong. But I digest.

DON'T panic in the event of an earthquake or wildfire. It's LA, apparently these things happen sometimes.

And most importantly have fun. But that should go without saying.