Legends of the Bank Teller - Episode XC

As the drive-through bank teller, I deal with a lot of stupidity. But it's my job to deal with it quickly. In my experience, the people who are competent enough to get it right the first time they come to my window are the same people who are in a hurry. So no matter what, I have to pour on some speed when I run the transactions that I run.

In the lobby, there are several time consuming transactions that I'm just not allowed to do at the drive-through. I will do these transactions for someone if they've come into the branch and I happen to be free and clear and the next available teller. But today I'm presenting you with a list of things that I should not do for you or any other customer at the drive-through.

1. I will not accept any transaction that involves more than $1,000 in cash. This is for security purposes more than time purposes. Large cash deposits, withdrawals, or payments really need to be done inside the building. Do you really feel comfortable hanging your arm out of your car window with $2,500 in your hand? Neither do I.
2. I will not do a cash advance on your credit card. This is a time consuming activity. I have to walk away from my station and go to the machine that reads the credit card. I have to input your information. And then I have to wait for the slow dial-up modem to send and retrieve the signal that tells me it's okay to give you the money. There's no way this takes any less than five to ten minutes.
3. I will not make out a cashier's check or a money order for you. Again, these are time consuming transactions. For the money order, I have to go over to the machine, set the type, and then print the money order. The cashier's check is much more complicated. I have to input all the information for the check into the computer. Then I have to walk over to the check printer. I have to load the printer with the check. I have to walk back to my computer to press enter. I have to walk back to the printer to get the check. I have to sign the check. I have to tear the check apart, making sure I have given you the original and the copy for your records. Above all other transactions that I'm trained to do, I hate cashier's checks the most.

Look, I realize that you don't want to get out of your car because it's cold or because it's raining or because you're fat and lazy. Maybe it's simply because you're in a hurry. But you know what? So is the person sitting in the car behind you, and chances are, all they have to do is deposit a check. Okay, odds are that that person is an idiot too and has nothing ready for me when he or she gets to the window, but you get the point. If you have one of those listed items to do, come inside. It's not going to go any faster with you in your car than it would if you came and stood in the lobby. Plus, you get to see the tellers' smiling faces without the obstruction of two inches of glass.