Friday the 13th

Saturday night I treated myself to a late night movie. I've been curious about the Friday the 13th reboot, so I decided to give it a shot.

The movie itself was a typical horror/slasher flick. It definitely followed the Friday the 13th formula. That being said, it wasn't a great movie. It was all right, and I liked the take on this version of Jason. He wasn't just some sluggish zombie with a machete. No more wondering how Jason could catch up to the running victim by walking at a steady pace. Dude was in a full-on sprint when he chased after the campers.

But I'm not doing this to talk about the movie. I want to discuss the viewer sitting two seats down. I got there and had the entire row to myself. Even as people came into the theater, it seemed as if I was a leper. No one was sitting anywhere near me. So I thought it was pretty nice having my own little area in the theater.

Then it happened. As the trailers were ending, a family of four came and sat near me. The father figure was the one who was a couple seats away. I knew it would be bad when he was immediately talkative and loud.

Before the opening credits were through, his cell phone rang. And he answered, of course. I only heard his side of the conversation, but the gist of it is this: "Yeah... I'm at the movie... Friday the 13th... Nah, man... Later..." This happened a few times. Finally he turned off his ringer. But then he still answered his phone whenever it would vibrate.

His daughter got up a few minutes into the movie to go get refreshments. As she neared the exit, she called back to ask what he wanted. He yelled out what it was. I was too angry at this point to make a mental note of it. When the girl didn't hear, he had to yell it again. I almost yelled it really loud just to make sure it was heard the last time.

Halfway through the movie, a man from a few rows back got up and walked in front of us. The polite movie patron next to me asked, "Where you goin'?" As if it was his business. As if we were gathered around the TV in his own living room and he needed to know where people were going. The guy said he got scared.

Later, I was offered popcorn by my neighbor. I hope he wasn't trying to redeem himself in my eyes. I did say "no thanks," but I'm pretty sure it came out really sarcastic. I sure didn't want to stick my hand in that bag. I don't know where his hands have been. I don't know if he washed his hands the last time he went to the bathroom. Then he dug his grubby hands all in there. No, I didn't want any of his stinkin' popcorn.

In case the vibes I was putting off were felt, I booked it out of that theater as soon as that final jump scene was over. I didn't want to give this guy the chance to get angry with me, then follow me to the Greenehouse to massacre me in my sleep. I slept soundly and survived to see another day.