Oracle

I feel the need to give some very careful instructions regarding a classic device known as the Magic 8-Ball. The Magic 8-Ball can be found in a variety of places, usually in the place where toys are sold. Recently there have been a rash of copycat and novelty 8-Balls, but none can overtake the original.

But the original is not without its flaws. If you purchase or receive the Magic 8-Ball as a gift, it's important to calibrate the device before you begin asking it about financial endeavors or for relationship advice. You may be asking, "How do I calibrate the Magic 8-Ball?" The answer is simple, you ask it a question to which you already know the answer.

For example: You know whether or not you are left-handed. So ask the 8-Ball, "Am I left-handed?" If you are, in fact, left-handed and the 8-Ball indicates as much, then you have a working Magic 8-Ball. If you are right-handed, but the 8-Ball still gives you a positive answer, then you need to ask again. Keep asking until you get a correct answer, at which point you'll know that the 8-Ball is in good working order.

The most important thing to remember is that the 8-Ball can only answer yes/no questions. If you ask for a favorite color, you will damage the device beyond repair. Once this happens, no amount of recalibration will fix what is wrong with the 8-Ball. After all, it's just an 8-Ball and is easily confused.

So please, act responsibly when contacting this toy store oracle.