Working Out

I’ve joined a gym. Stop laughing. I’m being serious. I’ve joined a gym.

The reasons for this are threefold:
1) I’m tired of getting winded when I climb the steps to my apartment. I mean, I don’t start wheezing when I hit that top stair. I don’t go into convulsions or pass out. It’s just a very gentle reminder that I’m not in the same shape I was in college.

2) It’d be nice to live a little longer. Okay, really I think that I’ll be around here for as long as God wants me here. But maybe if I’m living a slightly healthier lifestyle the quality of that life will be better. That’s the theory anyway.

3) I didn’t have enough bills to pay, so I really wanted to add one more.

That last one isn’t so serious. I don’t like paying more money. But I figure, at least, if I’m paying the money I’ll be motivated to at least get something out of it. I could jog outside or do sit-ups in my living room for free. But I haven’t been, so just deciding to do that and saying “I’ll start doing that” doesn’t mean that I actually will.

I met last week with a trainer that works at the gym. We figured out a basic routine that I can adhere to and set a goal to lose 10 pounds by Thanksgiving Day. He also spoke to me about the nutritional aspect of this thing.

This is the part where I have to hit the brakes. I am possibly the pickiest eater on the planet. So having someone tell me what I can and can’t eat kind of throws me way off. He said, “The fewer legs it has, the better it is for you.” His theory there is sound, meaning that things like chicken and fish will be better for me than beef or pork. But I like beef and pork. When one doesn’t like to eat the vegetables, one likes to leave that meat group as open as possible. Then he got to talking about the vegetables. “If it comes from the ground, it’s good for you… except the potato.”

Back up a sec… Except the potato!? Without the potato, where would Idaho be? What would have caused so many Irish people to emigrate to this country so many years ago? The potato is awesome! Don’t diss the potato!

Also, the Bible says that man was formed from the ground. So does that mean that this trainer is pushing me toward cannibalism? I can’t imagine eating people would be any better for me than having a hamburger. Plus, there’s the whole moral implication. I just don’t think I can condone eating people. Though, now that I think about it, I’m kind of craving some Soylent Green.