Legends of the Bank Customer

Before I get into the meat of this here blog post, I'd like to extend a heartfelt congratulations to the corporate powers that be at Bank of America. You have proven the ability to run your business like a great lot of morons.

Look, I've been out of the banking game for a few years now. I am extremely grateful for that turn of events, by the way. That said, I'm not completely sure just how things are going with the larger banks in America. Sure, I watch the news, but I kind of tune out when they talk about financial things. The economy kind of sucks. That's about all I feel I need to know about it.

I've been a customer of Bank of America for nearly 10 years. When I left Bluefield after college, I decided it would be a good idea to have my accounts with a bank that could be found just about anywhere in the country. After all, at the time, I had no idea where I would land on my feet. At the time, I was in Roanoke, but I was fairly certain that's not where I would plant my roots. Here we are, all these years later, and I'm still not sure where those roots will take root.

I seem to recall the Bank of America taking a government bailout back when all those other ginormous corporations were taking bailouts. It was a trendy thing to do toward the end of the last decade. Or was it the beginning of this decade? I can't keep up. The economy sucks. It's sucked for a while. That's about all I feel I need to know about it.

From what I gather, Bank of America isn't doing so swell these days. Locally, they sold off many of their branches to other, smaller banks. On the plus side, they made this move to save the jobs of countless tellers and branch managers, probably all over the country. It's good that these hardworking people are not forced to find new jobs. If they enjoy their banking positions, I hope they continue to enjoy them with their new employers and that their transition is smooth.

But there hasn't been much of a plus side for me. The switch from a large, national bank to a smallish, community bank has been rocky at best. I want to be optimistic, I really do. But voluntarily switching banks is a pain. Doing it involuntarily is more so.

Several weeks ago, I was provided with information letting me know that yesterday would be the final day for me to use my Bank of America account. To my understanding, this meant that October 24 would be the end of online banking, debit card, checking account, and savings account as I knew them. And then, a few days ago, I received more information letting me know that I would have full access to the new bank's online system on Monday, October 27. So what do I do in the meantime? Well, it's a safe bet that I won't have to worry about any fluctuations in my account balances during this weekend, because I have no access to my money.

Earlier this week, I received my new debit card in the mail. In a separate envelope, I received my new PIN. Yesterday, knowing that my Bank of America account would no longer exist, I thought it would be a good idea to activate my new card, in the hopes that I would still have access to my money, in case I needed it for frivolous purchases like gas or food. But then I noticed the sticker on the card. You know, the one that usually has a number to call for activation? Yeah, it informed me that I needed to use the ATM and enter my new PIN in order to activate my new card. No big deal, right? I just planned to go by the newly rebranded local branch to use the newly rebranded ATM. But as I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed that a number of very official men were busy installing those newly rebranded ATMs.

So much for activating my new card to have access to my money. Then I thought I'd just go inside the branch to see if I could make a withdrawal. If I can't use my card, maybe I can just have some extra cash on hand for frivolous purchases like gas or food. As I parked the car, I noticed the hand written sign that said they would reopen on Monday at 9. Awesome.

As of this afternoon, I had not cut up my old debit card yet. I thought it would be worth a shot to see if I could still use the old thing. Just in case I needed to access my money for frivolous purchases like gas or food. But I quickly discovered in the self checkout line at the Kroger that my card is no longer active. So I drove home empty handed, with no gas or food.

On a different day than the arrival of my brand new, useless debit card, I received a very large package full of personal checks. Like a lot of people of my generation, I very rarely write a check. On a regular basis, I write two checks per month. My new bank sent me approximately 3,262 checks with name and current address in the upper left hand corner. I never asked for these checks, but I assume they were free. I'll never use them all, but here they are. I assumed that a personal check would be my last good chance at having access to the money that's lost in some limbo between two banks.

I grabbed the first of my 3,262 checks and went back to Kroger. I waited in line at the customer service desk and finally got my chance to ask if I could cash a personal check. "I'm sorry," said the customer service lady, "We can only cash preprinted payroll checks." Again... awesome. And if my experience working in retail is any indicator, a lot of places don't accept personal checks anymore anyway. So why try?

Are you keeping track of this epic banking failure? I cannot access online banking. I cannot use my debit card to make purchases. I cannot activate my new debit card because the new ATM at my new bank is not yet working. I cannot cash a personal check. I'm not broke, but I'm kind of broke. Until Monday at 9am.

I'm so glad I'm able to embark on this banking adventure. I'm hoping the excitement will continue with some random emails from companies that normally receive regular payments that come automatically from my checking account letting me know that they did not receive their regular payments this month and that I'll be expected to give them a little extra because I missed my payments. A bonus would be if I have to call those companies to let them know I still can't access my accounts via the internet, debit card, or personal check.

Legends of the Bank Teller: One By One

Via

It's been a very long time since I ran the drive-thru at that bank in Raleigh, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. I remember the Girl in the White SUV. I remember the Spider-Girl. I remember getting really irritated with stupid people who had no right using the drive-thru lane at the bank. I remember kicking my coin locker hard enough to break my toe on more than one occasion (if my bones weren't unbreakable).

I also remember my old co-workers, who seem to be slowly peeling away from the bank one by one since I left. First the manager left. Then Barney Stinson left. And now, one of my fellow tellers is leaving for greener pastures. Friday will be her last day.

I may have hated my job as a teller, but that doesn't mean I didn't have plenty of good times with these co-workers. With this teller, in particular, we spent a great deal of time laughing. Most of the time it didn't take much to get her started. I could quote a line from Steel Magnolias or bring up the fact that it was Cuss Tuesday.

Side bar: Cuss Tuesday was the one day of the week when we allowed ourselves to drop swear words freely as long as there were no customers around. It was a huge stress reliever. At least, that's what we told ourselves. Cuss Tuesday usually fell on Tuesdays, but sometimes necessity would dictate that it fell on a Thursday.

She shared in my excitement when the Girl in the White SUV came by. She mocked my extreme nervousness every time I tried to talk to the Girl in the White SUV. But that was okay because I mocked whenever creepy customers came by to hit on her.

So, to this teller, I wish the best of luck as she moves on to her next venture.

Legends of Another Bank Teller

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Some time ago, I got a text message from the Most Awesome Person I Know asking for my opinion. She wanted to know if she had made a mistake after applying for a job as a teller at a bank. Needless to say, I was a bit taken aback.

We've been friends for some time. Most of that time, I was a bank teller myself. And she was my most frequent sounding board (other than this blog) for the frustrations I felt day in and day out as a teller. Did she learn nothing from my experience?

But I seriously considered her as a bank teller. Knowing her personality, I started to believe that she would be a lot better at the job than I was. My biggest issue with being a teller was the customer service portion of the thing.

I take that back. I was good with customer service. I could fake a smile with the best of them. Honestly, there were a handful of customers that I didn't have to fake the smile for. But it was a small handful. The rest of the time I faked it. Then I kicked my coin locker out of frustration because there was nothing I could do to affect the customers' stupidity. I'm sorry. That's the old me talking.

Anyway, I know that she is a much nicer person than I am. Or was. When I was a teller. So I told her as much. I told her that I didn't think it was a mistake to go for that kind of job. Because it's a job, which is something that's difficult to come by these days. It's the reason I stuck with it for as long as I did. So I told her it wasn't a mistake.

Selfishly, I'm hoping that I'll hear lots of insane stories about the array of customers that she will have to deal with. She's working at a different bank in a different part of Raleigh. That's a whole new demographic. It'll be a blog posting gold mine.

Granted, she has two of her own blogs. But those don't typically deal with hilariously frustrating stories about bank customers. I'm sure things could change and she could decide to write enthusiastically about the world of banking. But she's just not as sarcastic as I am. Which will also help her in the world of banking.

Legends of the Bank Teller: The Last Laugh

What's that you say? You thought the previous legend was the Last Legend? Yeah, so did I. But this is just too blogworthy to let slide by.

So, remember how I used to complain about how stupidity seemed to run rampant in the world of banking? Not so much with me or my colleagues, but with the every day people who came across our paths. I'd cite examples but I know there are far too many to go around. Turns out that there's a really good chance I need to lump myself in with the rest of humanity. That's right. I'm one of the stupid ones.

For nearly four years I worked for the bank. And for nearly four years I lived my life under the belief that I was living each pay period one paycheck behind. Boy, was I wrong.

When I quit, I left believing that I would receive my final paycheck in the mail, and I was okay with that. Especially when I believed that my last paycheck would consist of two days worth of work and would arrive a month later. Little did I know, that last paycheck would arrive in my bank only two weeks later.

Under the umbrella of ignorance, I firmly believed that two weeks after I quit, I would receive a paycheck that reflected the second half of the month of August. So when I checked my account on the 15th of this month I received a nasty shock. The automatic deposit that went into my account was roughly $600 less than what I had expected.

That's the part where I threw up a little and panicked over how I would pay my bills for the second half of the month.

So I did what any other average American would do. I got a cash advance on a credit card, throwing myself deeper into debt, and found a way to pay my bills. On the bright side, I was able to make ends meet, allowing me to breathe again until I get paid at the beginning of October. The bad news is that cash advance comes with a wonderful 8 billion percent interest rate. I really look forward to paying on that for a while.

So I may have left the bank without giving a full two weeks notice, but it would seem that the bank had the last laugh. Well played nameless banking corporation... well played.

Legends of the Bank Teller: The Final Legend

I'm not too sure how to put this. So I'll just come right out with it. I won't be working for the bank anymore. Ever.

No, I wasn't fired for finally snapping and going off on a customer. I'm sure we've all, at one time or another, assumed that if I was ever going to lose that job, it would be for that very reason. As a matter of fact, I wasn't fired at all. I quit.

But fear not. I have something lined up to replace it. It's the kind of thing that just fell into my lap. Recently, I was discussing my career with Tree and, after a particularly bad day at work, I asked her if her family's company was hiring. She said they were. So I figured it couldn't hurt to give her my resume, though I wasn't sure anything would come of it.

I met with her father and we discussed a lot of things. Again, I wasn't sure that anything would come of it. But I prayed. Soon after, I received an e-mail offering me a job with the company. In this new position I'll be responsible for making up brochures, creating YouTube videos, writing blogs, contacting Craigslist customers, and more along those lines. As I read the job responsibilities, it felt like I was being offered a dream job. I couldn't possibly turn it down.

It was never my intention to burn a bridge with the bank that has employed me for the last three and a half years. And if, by leaving, I've done just that, so be it. I may have liked the people I worked for and worked with, but the job itself was nothing I ever found contentment in. Go back and read any number of my Legends of the Bank Teller to know that.

I begin a new career tomorrow. And it kind of feels like I begin a new life tomorrow as well. To say I'm excited would be a gross understatement. Wish me luck!

Legends of the Bank Teller: Pen Depot

Losing pens is something that every bank teller should be used to. If you're a bank teller and you aren't used to customers walking off with your precious writing utensils, you've probably only been on the job for a few days. It's gonna happen. Just get used to it.

I was used to it at the drive-thru. In fact, I was so used to it that I had pens that were set aside for the sole purpose of handing them out to people in their cars. These were the pens I didn't like. Either they were awkward or didn't write well or just didn't feel right in my hand. If I didn't care about the pen, I didn't care if the customer stole it. That's a lie, I still cared. I think it's kind of annoying. I think it's really annoying, actually.

But that's not the point. The point is, it's a different world inside the grocery store branch. It's not different in the sense that people don't steal pens like they do at the drive-thru. It's different in that it happens a lot more often. But it happens in a different kind of way.

Sure, there are the typical, thoughtless customers who pick up the pen, endorse their checks, then put the pen in their pocket. They just aren't thinking, which I find to be a pretty standard routine for the general public. But what I've noticed in the in-store banking world is that there are a lot more instances where people just blatantly take the pens. They're bold about it. They even announce what they're doing.

In the two months since I moved to Virginia, I've had three people walk up to my station, use the pen and then just tell me they're stealing it. How many of you out there would just walk into a bank and announce that you're going to steal something? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Also, I've had more than a few people come up and ask if they can "borrow" the pen while they're shopping. I guess they want to cross things off their list as they add to the shopping cart. Of course I say yes. It's good customer service to bend over backwards and give these people whatever they want, right? Besides, they promised to bring it back, and no one in the world ever goes back on their word. Funny how I never see them or the pen again.

I've wanted so badly to say no to these people who want to "borrow" my pen. I want to point out the fact that we're in a grocery store. There's about half an aisle that's dedicated to school supplies. You know what you can find among those items? Pens! A whole package of 'em! 10 for a buck! They might not be as snazzy as the click pen I've got sitting on my counter with the comfort grip, but you know what? It gets the job done!

There... I feel better.

Legends of the Bank Teller: Riding the Monorail

As someone who works with the general public, I come across my fair share of crazy people. I saw them in Raleigh and grew to recognize them whenever they came in the door. After a while, they became easy to spot. It's taken some time since moving back to Virginia, but it seems they're finally coming out of the woodwork.

Take one example from my day yesterday. Please, bear in mind that I'll be keeping this as anonymous as possible. That being said, this guy would put some of my craziest customers from Raleigh to shame.

His day started by coming into the branch and asking why his deposit had not shown up in his account yet. As he explained things, he mailed in two checks with a deposit ticket. Now, I'm not sure the bank's official stance on mailing in deposits. Personally, I would advise against it. There are way too many things that could go wrong. These things wouldn't be the fault of the customer or the bank. There's a lot riding on the Postal Service and their ability to get your deposit to the bank in a timely fashion.

I didn't see the crazy guy. I didn't officially meet him. But I heard his conversation from the back room. One of my coworkers explained to him that we don't check our PO Box every day, but that the branch downtown does check theirs on a regular basis. After some digging, it turns out he sent his deposit to the downtown branch anyway. He left, his problem slightly unresolved, but we figured that was the end of it. At least for our part. After all, his deposit was sent downtown. It becomes an issue between the crazy customer and that branch, right?

So much for wishful thinking. He called us about a dozen times yesterday afternoon. About half of those times, I was the only lucky enough to answer the phone. Each time, he didn't seem to remember who I was. I only say that because he felt compelled to explain his situation each and every time. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The first time I spoke to him, he started making demands of me right off the bat. Didn't give me his name or any other identifying information. He just started asking me questions about his account. When I asked for his name, he gave it to me in a huff and sounded as if it was a ridiculous notion that I didn't know him innately. After all, he's the future President of the United States. True story: this man has run, and will run again, for the office of president. It's good to know who I won't be voting for next year.

Anyway, I couldn't understand him when he said his name. I couldn't make out his first or last name. So I asked for his social. At that point he just yelled that the computer would give it to me. Yeah, it would. If I had another way to look him up, but since his speech was slurred and incoherent, I couldn't use his name. By this point, my patience was starting to wear a little thin, but I was faking polite pretty well. Oh, and he still hadn't explained his problem all the way through yet. We're only a minute or so into that first phone call.

Finally he begins explaining what's wrong. Turns out I'm not the first one he's told this to over the phone. So if you're keeping track, he came into the branch, and he's also called a number of times already. This time he got me on the phone to listen to his tale of woe. As he tells it, he sent two checks to that branch downtown. One of which was deposited into his account. The other check, for a larger amount, has vanished. He swears that the larger check was included on the deposit ticket that he sent with the checks. So now his accusation is that the bank employee that ran the deposit has taken that larger check and had a good old time with the money.

He told me this several times. For some reason he got the impression that I wasn't paying attention to him. Believe me, that's not the case. I was paying attention. I just wasn't giving him a satisfying answer. And I'm not sure what answer would have satisfied him. I wanted to ask him if he wanted me to drive downtown to ask the employee in question if she had, in fact, stolen his check and had a good old time with the money. But I was afraid that would come across as scathingly sarcastic. So he asked me to repeat what he had explained to me.

"Mr. Crazy, you're accusing the downtown bank employee of stealing your check. Is that right?"

He responded, loudly and angrily, "No! I'm not accusing anyone of stealing my money!"

"Yeah, you kinda are," I said, maintaining my calm. Though I'm not sure how I was staying calm. Back in Raleigh, I'd have definitely kicked something by this point.

Thankfully, my assistant manager rescued me from this endlessly cycling phone call. She had spoken with him before and knew the situation. From what I heard on her side of the conversation, he didn't tell her anything new. But she told him something new: that he should call the company that wrote him the check to see if it had cleared their bank. Her hope was that it would deflect him and that he would stop bothering us.

It was a good idea, but it didn't really work. He called five or six more times after that. Each time I answered for him, he started all over again, explaining the situation to me as if I hadn't heard it before, still expecting some positive result from me. Note: this is the very definition of insanity.

Later, my manager showed me letterhead from this man's "business." And you know how some businesses will list some of their responsibilities under the title of their business? Like law offices might list what their specialty is, that kind of thing. This guy had about ten items listed under his business name. These are the reasons you would call him and enlist his services. Some made a sort of sense. You'd expect to see things like "home improvement" or "janitorial services" for a legitimate business. Would you expect to see "monorail passenger"?

Neither would I.

I had no idea that I could list monorail passenger as an important accomplishment in my life. After all, I've been to DisneyWorld. But if monorail passenger is so important, can I list the fact that I've been on a boat? I've been on a plane, does that count for something? Oh, and I have my very own driver's license! Do you know what that means? I am legally capable of operating a motor vehicle! I really need to update my resume. Thanks to this crazy dude, I now have so much untapped potential that I never even knew I had!

Legends of the Bank Teller: Creeped the Heck Out

I'm working at a branch of the bank that's located inside of a grocery store now. So I haven't just had to get acquainted with my co-workers inside the branch. I've had to get acquainted with some of the store employees as well.

This is gonna come across as a complaint. So brace yourself.

There's this older guy that works for the store here. I've seen him at the front of the store, usually going back and forth from the parking lot. I assume he bags groceries and brings carts in from the drop off areas in the lot.

He really gives me the creeps.

Every time he walks by the bank, he looks in, and I'd swear he's looking for me. And when he sees me, I'd swear he stare at me the entire time he's walking by. Most of the time I don't have to look to know he's there. I can feel the stare. If I happen to make the mistake of looking up as he's passing by, he does one of two things: he either waves or points at me. Neither of these make me feel comfortable.

And he's always got this look on his face that's somewhere between a smile and a grimace. He really disturbs me.

If Barney Stinson is reading this, he'll know how I feel. It's probably the way he feels when the Samurai comes into the branch down in Raleigh. Just... completely wigged out...

And he stopped by my station today. He asked for change for a quarter. Seriously? Change for a quarter? Dude, you're weird...

Legends of the Bank Teller: The New Guy

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I'm still the new guy. And so many of the customers have no problem letting me know it. I've been here for a month now and I still get it all the time. "Well, we have a new face!"

I smile. I nod. I introduce myself and wait for them to completely forget my name before I finish their transaction. That's just how it works. Of course, in the long run, they'll remember me long before I remember them. Let's face it, they only have to memorize my face along with my five co-workers that they already know. I have to memorize hundreds of faces that come through here on a weekly basis. Maybe thousands. I'm not sure about those numbers, I'll get back to you.

But those five new co-workers have been great thus far. I'm in a new position in a new place working on a new computer system and they've all been very helpful and understanding when I've had questions. I managed to make it through the very first part of my training, which re-introduced me to the world of banking. Yeah, I was learning a new system, but mostly it was retraining. I learned how to count money all over again.

Since then I've been back in my new branch. I've been assigned my own teller drawer and I've been running deposits and withdrawals like a champ. It's not exactly the same pace as my old drive-thru, but its workable. In fact, I still can't decide which is busier: the drive-thru or my station at the in-store branch. We are pretty heavily populated. I'm not sure how it works for other branches found inside stores.

I found out yesterday that the next level of training won't actually begin until October. Originally I was scheduled to start in August and go through the middle of September. This means that the basic information of opening accounts and helping people with loan applications is still lost on me. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, I suppose it pushes off the pressure to get new accounts a while longer (I think). On the other hand, I'm kind of stuck being a teller... which I'm used to. Part of the challenge of moving up here was the challenge of a new job. That challenge isn't so much happening yet.

However, like I said, the co-workers have been great. They've helped me to do some little things like open check cards for people. I took a credit card application last week. Kind of felt like a big step. But it still looks like it will be a while before I can actually open accounts for people.

I kind of feel like I'm procrastinating. But it's not my fault. I can't control the class schedule. But procrastinating does sound like something I would do.

Legends of the Bank Teller: Locked Out

Recently I've been dealing with a lot of technological issues. Most of these issues have taken place in my new home.

When I first moved in, I could not connect to the wireless network. Eventually, that problem was solved. In my second week in my new place, I went with my roommate to the cable company to pick up a DVR box for my bedroom, that way I wouldn't have to depend on a community cable box for the things I wanted to watch. It didn't work.

This problem lasted a bit longer than the internet issues. I switched out the DVR for a different box. Still I had problems. But the problems with one box were different than the problems with the second. With the first, I had no picture and the box wasn't receiving a signal. With the second, the picture would freeze up. And then it wouldn't respond to the remote. And then I couldn't find my DVR list or the channel guide.

Today I got a text from my roommate saying that the technician from the cable company came out and fixed everything. No more cable problems. No more internet problems. And there was much rejoicing in the land.

I was at work when I received that text. And my joy lasted only a little while. Not long after finding out this great news, I got locked out of the bank's computer system.

When I tried to log back into a computer, I was told that my account was locked out. It's like they decided to kick me off the system.

I thought I was in a good place, you know? I thought that I had received a promotion and was starting this new thing. Turns out I was fired a long time ago and by some glitch in the system, I just kept getting a pay check. Well, today, they fixed the glitch.

Just kidding. I was never fired. Apparently there was some mix up with my transfer and the computer didn't know what to do with me anymore. So it locked me out.

This is what happens when we start trusting the machines. They get confused. When they get confused, they turn against us. It isn't good.

Legends of the Bank Teller: Retraining Days

Being retrained may have been a dangerous thing for me. See, in those three days that I was forced to go to class to relearn how to be a bank teller, I got to be downtown. And I kind of loved it.

My lunch times were spent walking around the market, looking for new places to eat. Okay, they may not be new places to eat but they were pretty new to me. Being gone from Roanoke for a few years, it seems like a few things have changed. And maybe things haven't changed that much, I just never had the opportunity to spend any real time downtown when I lived here before.

I ate at the Roanoke Weiner Stand for the first time in years. It's probably been since I was in college or even before that. Those hot dogs can't be good for you, but who cares when they taste that good. On my last day I ate at Cornerstone, a bar & grill directly across the street from the Weiner Stand. It was pretty good too, if a little more expensive.

The point of all of this is that I really loved being downtown last week. I loved the atmosphere. I loved seeing tons of people that I've never met and will probably never see again. Actually, I'd probably see more of them more often if I would just spend more time downtown.

I ended my week wishing I could live and work downtown all the time. I still want that apartment at the Cotton Mill, which is close enough to downtown you can taste it. Working downtown may present more of a problem. But I may have an eventual solution.

The bank I work for has a marketing department on the same floor as the training facilities in their big building downtown. I wonder how difficult it would be to work my way into that particular department. I think it's something I could be pretty good at. Not that I'm awful with customer service, I've just never considered it my forte. I don't think anyone would consider that my forte. But I do think I could handle a job that requires a little creativity, and I think something in marketing might be the way to go for that.

Of course I could just be barking up the wrong tree. It's not as if I have a degree in marketing or public relations. Not even close. But I'm not exactly using that Behavioral Science degree I got, either. But hey, it can't hurt to introduce myself to the head of marketing next month when I go back for more training, right?

Legends of the Bank Teller: Starting From Scratch

Look at that. An actual title to go along with the heading of Legends of the Bank Teller. Impressed? Well, you should be. If I need to wait for you to become impressed, I can wait. After all, by the time you're reading this, I'm long done with it and I have nothing but time on my hands.

I figured I'd start doing something new with these Legends. After all, I'm in a new place. It's like starting over. Hence the title.

I'm in a different state than I used to be. This adds all kinds of new challenges to this job that I've undertaken. See, one of those challenges is the fact that Virginia uses a different computer system than we used in North Carolina. Do you understand what that means for your friendly neighborhood former drive-thru teller? It means that I have to go through all the training that I went through three years ago. All over again.

Today was orientation. No one could really understand why I was enrolled in the new hire orientation, as if I didn't take that "welcome to the club" class when I was first hired in 2008. The boring videos that we were shown haven't changed. Not even a little. And I'm sorry, but yes, they were boring.

The woman teaching the class told us all that she was also new to the bank. So really, I had seniority over everyone in that room. Crazy, right? There were a few times when she would look at me and ask questions. I really would have rather they all just pretended that I knew nothing. That's kind of how I want to look at all of this. I want to start over. I want to start from scratch. I kind of want to pretend that I know nothing.

Because as I went through my day today, I started feeling a little overwhelmed. It wasn't anyone's fault but my own. What I really think happened was that it all started to hit me. If it was just moving from one place to another, I think I'd be okay. If it was just me taking on new responsibilities in a new job, I think I'd be okay. If it was just me trading one group of friends for another group of friends, I think I'd be okay.

But it's all of those things happening at the same time. I moved to another city. I started a new job. I said good-bye to the friends I've known for several years to say hello to the friends I've been missing. Any one of these things can be stressful for a person. All of them at once can be a nightmare.

I don't want it to be a nightmare. I keep reminding myself that this is all supposed to be a good thing for me. Eventually I'll start to believe it. But as the minutes of my work day ticked by, I couldn't help but think, "What have I gotten myself into?"

My new coworkers are great though. They seem like a really fun bunch and I know I'll get along great with them. My quick wit and dry sarcasm has already been welcomed there and I've already been told I'll fit right in. Even so, the doubt is something that too easily sneaks into my mind.

So here I am. Starting over from the very beginning. All I can do is my best and hope that it turns out to be good enough, not only for my new work family's expectations, but for my own as well.

Legends of the Bank Teller - Episode CII

And here we arrive at my final Legend of the Bank Teller taking place in Raleigh, North Carolina. Future legends will be coming to you from Botetourt County in the Commonwealth of Virginia. But let's end things in Raleigh with a bang, shall we?

My last week in Cameron Village was a fairly typical week at the bank. I enjoyed my final Wednesday off (since I'll be getting 40 hours a week in the new position). I got to see Spider-Girl one last time on Thursday. And then Friday was a typically busy Friday.

But Friday was a little different. Because it was my last Friday. It was my last day. Period. And it was incredibly bittersweet.

I saw a lot of people come through my drive-thru. Some were genuinely happy for me in wishing me well on my promotion and my move to Virginia. Some said the obligatory "good luck" just to be polite, but you can tell with some people that they just don't mean it. But, to be fair, with a lot of those people, I don't mean it when I tell them to have a good day either. We all go through our lives playing our parts insincerely from time to time.

But the work day itself wasn't anything special. It was the after party that was slightly off the charts.

Barney Stinson had us all over to the clubhouse in his building. It was a pretty decent set-up with a pool table, a couple TVs, and Jell-O shots. The apartment didn't provide those. Barney did. And he was kind enough to include lime, my favorite flavor of Jell-O.

A little side note, I've never done shots of any kind, Jell-O or otherwise. I also hadn't had a sip of any kind of alcoholic beverage since New Year's Eve three years ago. Then, it was just a glass of champagne. I've never in my life had enough alcohol to make me drunk. But I was willing to give the shots a shot. Why not? I was among friends and Barney had offered to let me crash on his couch. So what did I have to lose? Aside from possible liver function.

We got to the clubhouse at the apartment around 6:30. A few minutes later, I was offered my first small cup of lime flavored lighter fluid. Without fear, I tossed it back. And wow, that was some strong stuff. Now, Barney's the one that made them and he, himself, said that they were strong. Now this is the kind of guy who takes his drinks with more than average alcohol. So for him to say they were strong, they must have had a lot of vodka.

Shot one didn't phase me. And then we ate. Pizza provided at no charge from a client that banks with us. That was pretty awesome. I had three slices, so that helped to absorb what was to come.

We played pool. We told stories. We laughed. A lot. And in total I threw back eight of the lime Jell-O shots.

Obviously, I survived, so let's not panic about the amount of alcohol I consumed. As I said, I've never been drunk before. And as far as I could tell, or anyone else could tell for that matter, I still have never been drunk.

Eight of these shots and I felt nothing. I assumed, going into this thing, that I would be a lightweight and would behave unpredictably after my first three shots. Then I hit five. And I began to wonder if I was doing it wrong. Barney told me he was impressed. He was more impressed once I topped it off at eight. By 10:30 I had finished my last one, but still felt no different. I was a little tired, but I chalk that up to the fact that I only received three hours of sleep the previous night.

So thanks to this going away party and my willingness to finally participate in some drunken shenanigans, I discovered that I have a genuine super power. I am impervious to the effects of alcohol.

Now, there's a good chance that my mother and even my grandmother will be reading this. Don't worry family members, I'm not going to start turning to alcohol as a form of recreation. At least not on a regular basis like some folks do. No, I figure it wouldn't do me any good anyway.

It is a little disappointing to know that if I'm ever involved in a bad break-up, I won't be able to go out and drown my sorrows.

As for the rest of the party, I had a great time with everyone. I'd post pictures, but I forgot my camera. And Barney's girlfriend hasn't uploaded her pics to Facebook yet, so I can't steal those either. But, even without photographic evidence, I can guarantee that a good time was had.

Thanks to my manager and all my co-workers for two memorable years at Cameron Village. I may not have always enjoyed my time there (as seen in many of my blog posts), but that was no reflection of the people I worked with. I genuinely mean it when I say that I'll miss seeing them on a regular basis. Luckily I'll be working for the same bank, so staying in touch shouldn't be a problem.

Legends of the Bank Teller - Episode CI

Things are changing. Lots of things are changing.

About two months ago, Brandon started talking to me about applying for a position at his branch. See, Brandon is a branch manager with the same bank that I work for. Have I ever mentioned that before? Well, I have now. His idea was to get me back up to the Roanoke area and into a position where I was making a little more money.

But I was hesitant. I wasn't sure what it would be like to go to work for one of my best friends. What if I got the job and got up there only to turn out to be a disappointment? I didn't want work to affect a friendship that's been around for ten years. But I gave in. It was the promise of a possible pay raise that won me over. I mean, yeah, it would be cool working with Brandon, but really, it was the money that got me to push through the application.

So I applied. I interviewed. And I didn't get the job. My former roommate didn't hire me. What was I supposed to think? If I can't get a friend to hire me, how could I get another job anywhere? Well, we talked it out and he said that I did great in the interview with him. His reasons for going in another direction made total sense to me, so it really didn't bother me all that much.

But that wasn't the end of it. He told me about another opening at a different branch in the area. It was actually a branch that he had been an assistant manager in a couple years back. He told me that the manager there was interested in interviewing me.

So I applied. I interviewed. And I got the job. So at some point in the next few weeks I'll be making the move back to Virginia. I'll be working for the same bank, but in a different capacity. I'll still be doing a lot of teller work, but I'll be doing a lot more with it.

So yeah, things are changing. My job title is officially changing. But the Legends of the Bank Teller will keep going on.

Legends of the Bank Teller: Episode C

100 Legends of the Bank Teller. Who'd have ever thought that I'd be here that long? I know when I started doing these posts, I really didn't think I'd have that many stories to tell from behind the teller line. Honestly, I wasn't sure I'd be able to do 50. But here we are. Actually this is 101. I accidentally labeled two of them as number 64. Oops. So let's not dwell on unimpressive milestones. Let's get to today's legend.

Each month we get together early in the morning to discuss updates to bank operations. These meetings are led by an operations manager who comes to let us know what we're doing well, what we're doing wrong, and shares with us the important topic of the month. I say important, but to me it just seems to rehash some common sense issues that some people still have a problem grasping. Mostly because they lack common sense. It happens.

This month's topic revolved around safe deposit boxes. Why these things still exist is beyond me. People can buy some pretty affordable home safes from Wal-Mart. Keep your valuables nearby. It's what I'd do if I had something valuable. Anyway, we recently had an issue of a customer who had gone extremely delinquent on his safe box payments. So we had to drill his box and get rid of his belongings.

No one really knows what's happened to this customer. He isn't dead, because he's made loan payments as recently as a couple months ago. Those who have tried to contact him get a working voicemail recording, so he's been paying his phone bill. One of our co-workers mentioned that the problem could have been amnesia.

The operations guy didn't quite hear her, so he got her to repeat what she said. Again, she asked about amnesia. But he still didn't understand her. She said it a third time and finally it clicked. It didn't resolve anything about the delinquent customer but it helped to bring the conversation to a close.

In the operations manager's defense, she was pronouncing amnesia as "umnesia." I knew what she was saying right away. I mean, really, it wasn't that far off from the proper pronunciation and you could really pick up the context clues. And if you ask me "umnesia" works.

I mean, go up to a victim of memory loss and ask, "What's your name?"

"Ummmm..."

Legends of the Bank Teller - Episode XCIX

A couple months ago, we began to notice some strange things appearing in a small space behind our branch. There's an enclosed area that houses our air conditioning unit. Really, that's not the strange part. In fact, that's fairly normal. The strange things that appeared there were some empty boxes and some cases of beer.

From this we assumed that we had a homeless person or persons living in that space. This person never spent any daylight hours back there. For a long time, we never saw anyone. We only saw what he or she would leave behind.

That changed a few weeks ago when I started noticing a man walking back and forth behind the building. Normally I wouldn't think anything of this. While there isn't a sidewalk or a real street directly behind us, there are connections to adjacent parking lots. People do use that back driveway as a short cut from time to time. But it's rare to see the same person more than once a day almost every day of the week.

One day I saw this man walk behind some of the bushes that line the back of our property. These bushes and the brick wall behind them are what separate us from a residential neighborhood. When the man emerged from those bushes, he was wearing a different shirt than he had worn going in. The guy changed clothes.

I let the manager know that someone was obviously keeping things behind those bushes and not just next to our air conditioner. Eventually, the homeowners behind us began complaining about trash that had somehow migrated over the wall into their property. At that point it was decided that something had to be done about our resident nomad.

The police were called in to investigate and the homeless man happened to walk up just as the police were searching the bushes for his belongings. From my spot at the drive-thru, I was able to see the entire confrontation. However, there was no real confrontation. Everyone remained calm. Everything was resolved peacefully, though Ryan and I secretly hoped things would get out of hand and someone would have to be tasered.

In the end, all it took was someone from the bank telling the man that he wouldn't be able to stay here anymore. After that, if he came back, the police would have no choice but to arrest him for trespassing. Ryan had the unenviable job of giving the guy the bad news. He came back in after talking to him and said he felt horrible about it.

So we're really not sure who this man was or where he ended up going next. Hopefully he's okay and will get on his feet soon.

Legends of the Bank Teller - Episode XCVIII

The last couple days have been interesting. I mean, it's been fairly typical. I still work the drive through window at the bank. That's not the interesting part. In fact, that's about as uninteresting as you can get.

No, the interesting part comes in terms of my love life. More specifically, my lack thereof. Earlier this week I wrote a post mentioning each of the three women I've taken interest in at one time or another during my stint as a bank teller. In case you need a refresher, we have the Girl in the White SUV, the Hostess, and Spider-Girl. In the last two days, I've happened to see all three of them. This is an odd occurrence with the rarity of planetary alignment.

Thursday morning the Hostess dropped by. This is the one that I've become friends with through Facebook. Thanks to this fact I discovered that she has a boyfriend and they seem quite fond of each other. So I'm perfectly content with not pursuing her at all. At this point, my thoughts concerning her are basically limited to seeing a status update that happens to pop up on my news feed. Or thinking she's pretty when she pulls up to the window. But that can't be helped.

Thursday afternoon I was visited by Spider-Girl. And you'll be pleased to know I got her name. Now, in the interest of anonymity, I'm gonna keep that to myself. I just felt that I should share that I did ask and she did introduce herself. I did mention that I'd been calling her Spider-Girl, which got a laugh. FYI, she informed me that she found and killed the spider that had been plaguing her car for days. Good to know that disaster was averted.

Yesterday, the Girl in the White SUV surprised us all by coming to our little corner of the world. Things were slow and I was reading, as I sometimes do when I get bored. Because my head was buried in a book, I missed the e-mail from my assistant manager letting me know that he was pretty sure he saw the White SUV in question pull into the parking lot. He was giving me a head's up, just in case I needed to collect myself.

There was a time when seeing this girl would rattle me to my very core. My knees would get weak. My legs would turn to Jell-O. My heart would race and I'd forget how to speak proper English. But I needed no warning yesterday. I'd be lying if I said that seeing her wasn't a shock. After all, she hasn't been to my drive-thru since July of last year. I was fairly certain that by going out on the limb I chose by asking her out through a tasteful bouquet of flowers, I had scared her away from our branch forever.

Yet here she was. Yes, she looked just as beautiful as she had last summer. But I treated her just like I treat every other customer that drives up to my window. Well, not every customer. There are some I really don't like and am really short with. I still stick with my script, but with them I'm usually a lot quicker in saying what I'm supposed to say. With White SUV I was polite and greeted her by name. I smiled and she smiled back. And that's it. I didn't make a fool out of myself by saying something stupid like, "Well, where have you been all this time?"

The assistant manager came over and said he was proud of me for not passing out after seeing her. I looked at him and just said, "Really? It's because I don't care anymore."

And I don't. I don't care where she's been banking for the last 10 months. And I don't care if she decides to start using our branch again on a regular basis. That ship has sunk. If I ever decide to climb out on that particular limb again, the one where I attempt to pursue a girl that happens to be a customer, it won't be White SUV. A simple "no" would have sufficed. She really didn't have to disappear for a year.

In other news, I found out that a 40-something woman has her eye on me. Apparently, yesterday afternoon, one of the other tellers was helping a crazy old lady whom I chose to ignore. Before you gasp at my behavior, calm yourselves. I wasn't ignoring a customer that needed help with something. I just chose to block out whatever conversation she was having with my coworker. Turns out, it was a really good thing I was ignoring that conversation.

This crazy old lady leaned in to ask my coworker if I was single. Not for her. I don't consider 40-something to necessarily be "old." No, she was asking for the woman that was driving her around. I don't know who this woman was, I didn't see her. But apparently she's seen me. And I take it she likes what she's seen. Hard to blame her, I know.

But I don't see that happening. I like to try and stay within my 5-year radius rule. Not sure if I've explained that before. It means I'd be more comfortable with women who are no more than 5 years older or 5 years younger than I am. And I'm sure this is going to come out extremely age-ist or whatever, but I'd probably more likely to bend that rule and go younger than I would to go older. Unless I was bending the rule for Teri Hatcher.

Legends of the Bank Teller - Episode XCVII

One day as I was building up to one of my regular rages against the customers, I got to thinking about something kind of geeky. My mind wandered to the Star Wars universe and turning to the Dark Side. As angry as I get at work, I think my turn to the Dark Side would be an eventual inevitability. But my turn is not what I was thinking about.

My thoughts were more along the lines of, "What if Darth Vader was a bank teller?"

I can tell you one thing, he wouldn't take crap off any customers. Someone starts throwing a fit because they were stupid enough to overdraw their account? Force choke. Someone dares to come to the drive through without having all their things ready to go the second they pull up? Force choke. Someone complains about having to pay a fee to cash a check when they don't have an account with us? Force choke.

Here's a little scenario:
Idiot Customer - "I need to get a cashier's check."
Darth Vader - "You will incur an eight dollar fee for this check."
Idiot Customer - "I've never been charged a fee before!"
Darth Vader - "I am altering the deal. Pray I do not alter it further."

See? No crap from anyone.

In fact, I'm thinking that Lord Vader would institute weekly lightsaber beheadings just to keep people in line. It's probably a good thing I don't have a lightsaber of my very own. Also, it's probably a good thing that I have yet to turn to the Dark Side. Or discover my own Jedi abilities.

Legends of the Bank Teller - Episode XCVI

Here's another example of something that kind of drives me crazy concerning some of my customers. Shocked that something else would drive me crazy? Yeah, I thought so.

It's a rainy day. It's dreary and it would have been a swell day to sleep in. But I had to come to work. Sleeping late was, sadly, not an option. When the weather is as it is today, people drive around with their windshield wipers on. This is how it should be.

However, I find it a little annoying when they pull into the drive through with their wipers still going. It would be nice if they would turn them off while they're next to my window. If they're on, the wiper blades fling water all over the glass. And since I slide that drawer out for the customer when they pull up, rain water makes its way into that as well.

First of all, do you really need to keep your wipers on high, even while you're driving around out there? It's not as if we're having a typhoon. From where I'm sitting, it's not even raining that hard. It isn't exactly a drizzle, but when you have the wipers going full blast, you kind of look like a spaz.

Also, when you're at my drive through, you're sitting in a well covered area. Rain is falling five feet to the right of my drawer, but it's dry as a bone where your car currently sits. Turn off the wipers. When the drawer gets wet, your paperwork gets wet. It's not a dire thing, just an annoyance.

Legends of the Bank Teller - Episode XCV

To the spoiled rich customers out there who like getting whatever you want just because you carry a certain average balance with my bank, stop coming to the drive through if you want us to wipe your butt for you. If you want a personal banker to hold your hand while you get all your transactions processed, you need to come inside and sit down at the customer service desk.

Scenario: A wealthy business owner came to my drive-thru. I've seen this man any number of times. He makes deposits into his business accounts. That's all I've ever helped him with. On this particular day, he came with a deposit and a check to cash. First of all, the check he was cashing was for $1500. I've been told that I'm not supposed to cash checks for more than a thousand at the drive-thru. This is for security purposes. But we were short handed that day and I didn't feel like dealing with the backlash of asking him to come inside.

When he initially drove up, I was already helping someone in the lobby. The lobby customer had multiple transactions. And I was treating them as I treat everyone, first come, first served. When I completed her transactions, I turned back to the window and ran the wealthy douche bag's deposit. When I saw the amount of the check, I asked for his ID. At this point he began throwing a temper tantrum.

"You don't recognize me?!" He then spouted off some obscenities, which I will spare you here.

"I do recognize you, but I've never cashed a check for you before, I just have to record that I saw it," I said, maintaining my calm.

He then proceeds to tell me to hurry up because he doesn't have time to sit around and wait. He also told me to make sure I didn't screw up on his deposit like I did last time. For the record, I have messed up his deposit before. It wasn't anything that he or I didn't catch right away. He's one of those guys that likes to just throw a pile of paperwork into the drawer without separating anything. So he could have one deposit ticket followed by a couple checks, and then another deposit ticket and a few more checks. When you're looking for speed and accuracy, help your teller out by having things separate. Just a good rule of thumb.

I'm barely containing my rage at this point. Not only has he shouted obscenities through the speaker at me, he's questioning my ability to even do the job I'm being paid to do. I counted out his money and passed it out to him. I ended the transaction with the same script I always do. It's nice to have the script when a customer is doing everything in his or her power to piss you off. He yelled back that I need to do a better job of recognizing my customers.

You know, for a very long time I've called into question whether or not I'm even cut out for customer service of any kind. I may not be very good at selling things or talking people into opening new accounts, but I can be polite and courteous 'til the cows come home. There are a lot of times when I may be repressing other feelings while trying to make the customer feel warm and welcome, but I've gotten pretty good at faking it when the situation calls for it.

I really don't want to become one of those cynical types that just completely hates working with people. I don't want to be someone that completely hates being around people altogether. But people like that make it really difficult to ever want to break out of this shell I've managed to build up around myself for so long. People like that, who just seem to be looking for a reason to complain and lookin for a reason to pick a fight are the kind of people that I don't want to deal with. It's people like that that make me want to quit this job on a daily basis. It isn't my co-workers. It isn't even the expectations that the powers that be have on me and my job performance. It's the rude, arrogant, selfish [expletive deleted] that make their way through here and make unreasonable demands of the people who are doing nothing but trying to help them.