It All Started with a Blue French Horn

No, I'm not talking about How I Met Your Mother, though I'm sure I'll reference the show a number of times from here on out.

A little over a year ago, I drove into Richmond to visit my friend, the Charlatan. You remember the Charlatan, right? I called him that back when he lived in Charlotte. I've stuck with that because I feel that Charlatan is more clever than Richmonder. Anyway, he sat me down on his sofa and took a seat across the coffee table and began telling me the story of how he met his future bride.

Okay, it didn't literally begin with a blue French horn. But I don't remember all the details that led up to the blue French horn. I do know that the two of them connected over a mutual love for How I Met Your Mother. And from that connection came an idea that, in my opinion, puts a lot of other romantic notions to shame.

On Valentine's Day of 2012, the Charlatan wasn't dating anyone. For him, this posed a problem. Because the Charlatan is one of those creative cats. He's also a die hard romantic. So, without having a special someone on the most commercially romantic day of the year, he had a lot of pent up creativity that he wanted to release.

So he decided to take a blank canvas and draw a French horn using blue chalk. Once he'd completed his work of art, he drove over to his Future Wife's house and left it on her doorstep. It was late, so he knew she wouldn't see it until the next day. She saw it, loved it, and the rest is history.

This past weekend, the Charlatan married that Future Wife in a wedding that was filled with references to How I Met Your Mother. The ceremony took place outside in a spot that overlooked the James River. Sure, they had to contend with the noise of a train passing by not too far away, but that was soon gone. The weather was lovely, but the bride and groom were prepared for inclement weather. As a party favor, each of the guests received a yellow umbrella.

For the last few years on How I Met Your Mother, any time the Mother was seen, she was seen carrying a yellow umbrella. This was a very fitting gift from the happy couple.

The reception was also outside. The guests gathered around a dance floor and enjoyed foods like chicken & waffles, sliders, macaroni & cheese and shrimp & grits. Sadly, I wasn't able to stay beyond the first few minutes of the reception. It was a long drive back to Blacksburg, and I knew it would be late before I managed to get home.

As it was, I was exhausted throughout the drive back home. But I made it safe and sound, happy to have had the chance to witness two awesome people begin their lives together. So to Andy and Sarah, I pray you enjoy many long years together.

The groom is in the bow tie. The bride's the one in the white dress. Just in case you were wondering.

Getting Used to It

For a little more than two years, I've been driving a Toyota Yaris. If you're unfamiliar, this is a car that has all the gauges in the center of the dashboard, rather than behind the steering wheel.

So for two years, I've grown accustomed to looking slightly to my right to check my speedometer and fuel gauge. It was really odd at first. I thought it would be really inconvenient, or worse, a distraction. But it turned out to be okay.

Since the Yaris was pronounced a total loss, I've been back behind the wheel of other vehicles. Over the weekend, I was in a rental that the insurance company provided for me. It was a Hyundai Accent. Not a bad car, but the gauges were back behind the steering wheel. I know that's what's normal, but for me, normal has been different for a couple years.

The problem for me comes when the steering wheel cannot be adjusted. If it can't be moved up or down, there's a good chance that part of the wheel will block my view of the speedometer. All weekend, I constantly found myself ducking a bit anytime I wanted to check my speed. Not a big deal, but a slight inconvenience.

Then I purchased a new car yesterday. It's a 2009 Toyota Corolla. I think a part of me hoped that, if I got another Toyota, the instruments would be back in the middle. No such luck.

But I do have a sunroof and hands free Bluetooth. So I forebear.

This is the newish Corolla. I need to name her. Suggestions welcome.

The Three Rivers Crowd

Kids, I'm gonna tell you the absolutely true story of how I went to Pittsburgh for dinner. But to get the whole story, we have to go back to the year 2004.

It was a night like any other. Back in those days, I was living in Bluefield. It was after I had graduated from college, but before I broke down and moved back in with my Dad. I was hanging out with Mark. At the time, he was my roommate in that old attic apartment that we referred to as "the Penthouse." Sure, it wasn't fancy, but it was home.

We were spending the evening in the company of a couple of young ladies, Kelly and Meghan. As it usually happened in those days, boredom overtook us. To be fair, there wasn't a lot to do in Bluefield during the early part of the 21st century. After all, this was long before the town would see its first Taco Bell.

We were young and foolish. And since the sidewalks rolled up at 9pm, we were desperate for entertainment when 11 came along. We looked around each other and decided to hop in the car, just to take a drive. After driving around town for a while, we decided that Bluefield wasn't big enough for our traveling curiosities. Mark looked at me and said, "Let's go to Pittsburgh!"

"YES!" was all I had to say in response. The girls seemed to be in favor of a spontaneous five hour drive. So we hit the road.

We made it as far as Princeton before we decided to turn back and head home. That's right, kids, we were in my car for a grand total of 20 minutes before we gave up on the spur-of-the-moment dream of visiting the home of the Steelers.

Flash forward 8 years. If you do the math, you'll realize that's this year. Not only is it this year. It's this weekend.

A few weeks prior, I met with Mark when he was passing through Radford on his way to Richmond. I shared some of my stresses from work and let him know that I needed to get away from the real world and soon. I suggested a "bromance" weekend. It's something we've done in the past, where we get together with the guys we went to school with to just hang out and catch up on each others' lives. You remember the Great Indianapolis Trip of 2011, right? That was one of our "bromance" trips.

I called up Brandon and he was in. Mark invited Andy, but he wasn't available for the weekend in question. So it would just be the three of us. Well, the weekend finally arrived. Honestly, it couldn't have gotten here soon enough. Brandon drove to Radford, then I drove us from there to Bluefield. Friday night wasn't too crazy. Not that I expected the weekend to get crazy. We had a late dinner and caught the late showing of the new Spider-Man movie.

Saturday, we really didn't have anything planned. Remember, I said earlier, this weekend was mostly about getting away from real life and trying to relax without needing to think so much about work. And then, as we were sitting around Mark's living room, Mark brought up the failed Pittsburgh road trip from 2004.

"You guys wanna go to Pittsburgh?" Mark asked as he looked back and forth from Brandon to me. "We can finally close that chapter that started 8 years ago."

Brandon and I both agreed that this kind of trip would be kind of epic. A spontaneous trip to Pittsburgh would definitely be an opportunity to get away from the real world. So we hopped into my car and drove.

You know what the biggest difference between this trip and the past trip was? We were leaving about 12 hours earlier in the day. There was no plan for this trip. We just drove.

We're definitely not as young or impetuous as we once were, but every now and then, we can still be impulsive.

On the way, we stopped at the New River Gorge. It was home to America's second highest bridge. To give you an idea of how high above the river it was, you could fit the Washington Monument and two Statues of Liberty stacked on top of each other under the arch. Yeah, it was that tall. I'd never been there or seen it in person, so we snapped some pictures before getting back in the car.

We arrived in Pittsburgh around 4:30 in the afternoon. And yes, we got a little lost. None of us knew the area at all, even though Brandon and Mark had both been to Pittsburgh in the past. We drove into the downtown area and decided to try and find our way to Mount Washington, which we understood would have a pretty spectacular view of the city. But in trying to find our way to Mount Washington, we backtracked a bit too much.

We stopped at a mall that we figured would be helpful. At the very least, we may have been able to find a map of the city that could help us out. The signs that enticed us off the highway let us know that this mall had three stories. Sounded pretty good to us.

Unfortunately, as we came to find out, the only store open in that mall was the K-Mart. The rest of the mall looked like it hadn't been occupied since Robin Sparkles went on her mall tour in the mid-90s. And no, the K-Mart didn't have a map.

So we drove some more. Thankfully, Brandon was able to get a signal on his phone. His GPS started pointing us in the direction of Mount Washington. And then his phone randomly rebooted, a problem that he had apparently been having for some time. Once again, we were lost.

At that point, we decided to forgo looking for Mount Washington and drove back into the city to find a place to have dinner. About an hour later, we finally got back to a decent parking spot and walked to Primanti Brothers. Mark had heard this was the place to go in Pittsburgh. After surviving the meal, I could only say, "Meh..."

It's not that it was bad. But, you know how I'm a picky eater? Not a fan of the coleslaw. Not a fan of a tomato. These items, according to the menu, came standard on each of their sandwiches. I asked the waiter if I could get my sandwich without those things. He looked at me and said, "Really?"

"Yeah, really," I said, "I'm that guy."

From there, I assumed he would put in the order the way I ordered it. Though I kind of got the impression that they didn't do special orders at Primanti Brothers. Sure enough, when I got my sandwich, there was pile of coleslaw about an inch thick, accompanied by a juicy slice of tomato. I may as well have answered the waiter with a "No, I was just kidding. Pile it on there!"

After we ate, we walked around downtown for a few minutes, then made our way back to the Yaris. Again, we hit the road. We made it back to Mark's place in Bluefield around 12:30. Made pretty good time if you ask me.

Now, I must say, I wasn't all that impressed by Pittsburgh. Don't get me wrong, it looked beautiful when we came out of the tunnel and started crossing the bridge. There was a lot of amazing architecture downtown. But I think I had my fill after our few hours there. I would need to go back someday, though. I still needed to cross PNC Park off my list of places to see a Major League Baseball game. But that's another story for another time.

Reading By Ear

For the longest time, I felt that holding a book and reading the words written on the pages was the only way to read a story. For me, there was something pure about feeling the weight of the book in my hands, physically turning pages... it feels almost like I'm contributing to the activity of reading.

Because of this, it took me over a year of debating with myself about buying a Kindle. There was no way I could enjoy reading a book off a tablet. At least, that's the argument I used to convince myself that it wouldn't be worth the price. But then I used my tax refund money to buy my Kindle last year. And I really do enjoy it. This doesn't mean I've decided to get rid of all my real books in favor of electronic copies. But I'm not opposed to buying some new books to be read on the eReader.

This brings me to the audiobook. For years I've talked myself out of listening to an audiobook. I had myself convinced that, when it comes to reading a book, listening to someone read it to you doesn't count.

Then I started working at an elementary school nearly 60 miles from my apartment. I spend 2 and a half to 3 hours in my car each day. For the first month or so, I was content to simply listen to music. I love music. I love singing along at the tops of my lungs while no one can hear me. Honestly, I'd still be content to simply listen to music. And I'm talking about CDs and iPod... radio gets obnoxious after extended periods of time.

One day at school, a teacher suggested I read to one of my kids. She said he loves to have someone read to him. I got him to pick out a book and I read out loud while he sat next to me on the floor. As I read, I thought, who doesn't like to have someone read to them?

The last time I can remember someone reading to me was back in 7th grade. Our English teacher would occasionally read passages of the Tripod Trilogy by John Christopher. By the end of the school year, we had listened to her read all three novels.

I do love to read. And there's a very good possibility that if I weren't spending 3 hours of every day behind the wheel of my car, I'd be spending that time reading. So why not spend that time having someone read to me? So I decided to stop by the local library to check out their audiobook selection. It's not a huge selection, but it's something.

It would be easy to become lazy and rely only on audiobooks. I don't want to do that. I still like using my own eyes and my own inner voice to narrate a good book. But these professional readers, usually actors, are able to put a great deal of emotion into their voices as they read. It's all very dramatic.

Please, try not to judge. Three hours a day in the car is a lot of time to fill.

The Moderately Awaited Road Trip Post

Where were we? Oh yeah, Columbus. Before leaving for Indy, we needed to stop and eat lunch. Four grown men with the appetites that we have? Yeah, we're not skipping any meals. In fact, we didn't skip any snacks between meals either. Which reminds me... A quick thanks to JMitch for providing us with our snacks for the road. Particularly the Rice Krispies Treats. 'Cause it's not a road trip without Rice Krispies Treats. Just ask anyone in my family. Anyway, without her snacks we would have grown cranky and irritable mere minutes into the long drive. Seriously, thank you!

So we stopped for lunch at The Ohio Deli, known for its legendary Dagwood Challenge. Man vs. Food even did a show there and took the challenge. I can't remember the exact challenge, but it involved a gigantic sandwich, a gigantic plate of fries, and a drink. I think. I could be confusing that challenge with the challenge we came across the next day leaving Indianapolis. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

None of us took the challenge that day. We were too excited about the day that lay ahead of us. So we simply ate (some pretty good sandwiches) and then hit the road. And the road we hit was long and straight and boring. I've always said I'd love to drive across the country someday. But I'm here to tell you that the drive between middle Ohio and middle Indiana is incredibly dull. No bends in the road. No hills. Just rolling farm land as far as the eye can see. I'm not sure, but I may have been able to see the curvature of the earth at the edge of the horizon.

Eventually we reached Indianapolis. We checked into our hotel, which was overrun with fans on both sides of the Big Ten Championship. Judging by the license plates seen in the parking lot, however, this particular hotel was leaning towards the Wisconsin side of the Championship. As we made our way inside, some girls from Wisconsin invited us to the party in 104 after the game. Sounded like a good time. We all got high fives out of it.

We were only at the hotel long enough to drop off our things before heading back to downtown Indianapolis. The city, by the way, was gorgeous. And, bonus, we didn't come across any crazy rules like "You can't make a U-turn anywhere! Ever!" This was a nice change of pace from Columbus. Yeah, I could live in Indianapolis.

After a drawn out dinner at Penn Station East Coast Subs, we made our way over to Lucas Oil Stadium, site of the first ever Big Ten Championship Game. The entire place was alive with excitement as fans waited to see Michigan State and Wisconsin go head to head.

It was a phenomenal game. Now, we had all pretty much decided that we would be pulling for Wisconsin. And then we found out that our seats were nestled in between a gang of rabid Spartans. I was seated directly to a fairly drunk girl who demanded that I cheer for Michigan State. I decided to do just that, fearing for my life. Honestly, I didn't care much which team won. I just didn't want to get cut by a drunk girl.

History tells us that Wisconsin won in the end. Russell Wilson was named MVP. And the drunk girl left disappointed that her team lost, but seemed satisfied that her stadium neighbors shared in her disappointment. We were all just excited that it was an exciting game.

We didn't go to any parties that night. Though we did get a little lost trying to find our way back to the parking garage where we left the car. Shut up, Indianapolis is a big place.

After a good night's sleep, and apparently some heated argument about the BCS system (which I missed because I allowed myself to fall asleep pretty quickly), we started the long drive back home.

Before leaving Indianapolis, we found our way to the Mug 'N Bun, Indy's Oldest and Finest Drive-In. Andy and Mark decided to accept the Mug 'N Bun Challenge, which did involve taking down a gigantic sandwich, a large basket of fries, and a large root beer. Oh, and it had to be done in half an hour. I'm sorry to say that neither of my friends completed the challenge, but they put up a good fight. Andy will argue it 'til the day he dies, but I'm certain that Mark got a lot farther in the challenge than he did. Yeah, I'll hear about that one later.

This was followed by about 9 hours in Half-Pint as we made our way back to the Commonwealth. It was a long trip. It was epic.

I'll be the first to admit, I'm not a huge football guy. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy watching a good game now and then. But I really don't pay attention to all the statistics and wins and losses of colleges across the country. So this trip, while the destination was a pretty awesome football game, was more about the journey getting there and back. At least, for me it was. Because it meant I got to spend a weekend with three of my best friends. It's not something that happens very often. So it's something I would do again in a heartbeat.

Rumor has it that we're planning a trip to see the PAC 12 next year. Sign me up.

The Long Awaited Road Trip Post

Okay, maybe I should have titled this "The Moderately Awaited Road Trip Post." I haven't really heard any complaints about not having written anything about the epic road trip to Indianapolis that I had been promising to write about for the last two weeks. But I am a man of my word. And here is my summary of an epic road trip and an epic weekend.

It was decided before the trip began that we would take my car. Half-Pint apparently gets the best gas mileage out of all our cars. I was really okay with this because I genuinely enjoy driving places. I can't call driving relaxing, what with the road rage I suffer from, but I do still enjoy it.

So when I got off work on Friday, I met Andy (who had already driven from Richmond) and Brandon at my apartment. From there we headed for Bluefield where we would pick up our final passenger, Mark. Then came the long, night time drive to Columbus, Ohio.

For the most part, the drive that night was uneventful. Please, don't make the mistake of thinking that when I say it was uneventful that I mean it wasn't fun. These guys are three of my best friends, so hanging out with them in any situation is always a good time. We talked and got caught up on each others' lives. We listened to music thanks to our friends at Spotify and Pandora. And then we hit our first pit stop.

Somewhere in Nowhere, West Virginia, the low fuel light started blinking. It was time for our first fill-up of the trip. By the way, this was one of only three fill-ups for Half Pint. Impressive, no? So we pulled off at the next available gas station. The signs on the highway indicated that we would come up on an Exxon, so we took the exit and then got scared. There were no street lights and no other commercial buildings at the exit. And there was no Exxon station to be seen. At first we all panicked a little and thought we were about to die. Let's just say that several references were made to that movie Wrong Turn. I followed the arrow to where the Exxon was supposed to be, and there it was just around the corner. We survived our first stop relatively unscathed.

And we drove on. And on. And on. Thanks to GPS, we crossed the Ohio border in relatively good time. It wasn't long after this that we made an unscheduled stop at Ohio University in Athens. At first I didn't stop. And I got yelled at. Look, I had one voice yelling at me with GPS directions and I had two other voices telling me to TAKE THIS EXIT. I got confused. But we got to the campus. We stopped at the Ohio football stadium and took a quick look around. Let me just say, midnight in Athens, OH during the first weekend in December is wicked cold. But I will say this, Ohio University has a beautiful campus. They've got a lit walkway that runs right next to the Hocking River. It was pretty nice.

Eventually we made it to Columbus. And we pretty much collapsed. We were all tired. It was about 2am. I'm told that I snored. Loudly. But it didn't bother me. I was unconscious for the whole thing. The morning came and we were ready to face the world. We were ready to hit Indianapolis hard.

But before we left Columbus, we made a stop at Ohio State University. We took a look around their ginormous football stadium and got a few pictures. That campus, by the way, is huge.

What's that spell? Yeah, it's O-H-I-O. Get it? I thought the silhouette thing turned out pretty good. While in Columbus, I did come to the decision that I could never live there. I'm glad you asked. It's because we came across a sign that told us that U-turns were prohibited everywhere in the city limits. Really? No U-turns anywhere? That seems a bit excessive.

Indianapolis, now that's a different story. Come back tomorrow for the rest of the weekend.

A Scene From the Weekend

As a glimpse into this past weekend, I'm giving you a taste with a scene from Saturday night.

During the Big Ten Championship game, the Charlatan and I decided to head down to concessions to get a little something to quench our thirst. While we were there, the Charlatan decided to get a soft pretzel. The exchange went a little something like this:

Charlatan: Can I get a Coke in the souvenir cup and a soft pretzel?


Counter Girl: Okay. Do you want some cheese to dip the pretzel in?


Charlatan: Is it any good?


Counter Girl: Oh, yeah, it's good cheese.


Charlatan: Sure, why not? (Counter Girl puts the cheese in a tiny dipping cup)


Counter Girl: Okay, that's another $1.25 for the cheese.


Charlatan: WHAT?! I thought the cheese was free!


Counter Girl: (laughing) Yeah, it's $1.25 for the cheese.


Charlatan: I see what you did there. Well played, Counter Girl. Well played.

The above exchange is not verbatim. But it pretty much went down like that. Stay tuned. There will be a more complete story of how the weekend went in the coming days. Spoiler alert: it was freakin' awesome.

Isn't It Bromantic

There's been a lot going on this weekend. And right now, my head is kind of a jumble of events. I'm not exactly sure how to string it all together without making it sound like one big run-on sentence. I'll try to clear it up as best I can. I don't want to alienate any of my readers by babbling incoherently. So here goes...

A few days ago, I got a call from the Charlatan asking if I wanted to go with him to Bluefield this weekend. I didn't have to work, so I thought, why not? The Other Single Guy is up there, so it could be a good time driving up to hang out for a couple days. Except, he told me, it wouldn't really be a couple days. The plan was to come through Roanoke, pick me and Subway up, then hang out in Bluefield 'til about midnight Saturday night, then make the drive back. The Charlatan needed to be back in Richmond for church on Sunday morning. Sure, why not, I'm not the one that has to drive.

So Friday after work, I drove over to Subway's house and we headed downtown to hang out with Tree and Shay at First Fridays. We were immediately introduced to PJ and Danni, who are friends with Tree and Shay. We thought we'd have plenty of time down there since the Charlatan told us he would be in Roanoke around 9:30. Yeah, and then I got a call from him at 7:30. Sorry ladies, gotta cut the evening short. Turns out JMitch was doing the driving. So really, we should've been asking her about the schedule of events.

Let the road trip begin. A short 2 hour drive later, and we were in Bluefield. We stopped by Wendy's to pick up some food and were suddenly very aware that we were back in Bluefield. The Charlatan ordered a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and was asked if he wanted cheese on that. He wasn't too sure how to respond. My thought is that if you ask for a cheeseburger, the fact that you want cheese on it is implied. Apparently that's not how it is around these parts.

We stayed up pretty late last night, made a run to the Sheetz in Princeton, and pretty much just hung out. This morning, the other three woke up early to go play some church league softball. I wasn't invited to play. Because I'm a dropper. I was invited to come and watch. But I didn't much like the idea of coming out and sitting alone on the bleachers with a group of church folk that I didn't know. So I opted to stay here and get some more sleep. I liked my choice just fine.

From what I hear, they lost both the games they played. I don't think it was pretty.

When they returned and woke me from my mid-morning nap, we walked from the Other Single Guy's house over to Applebee's. Lunch was pretty decent. I mean, it's Applebee's, so it's not gonna be anything over the top special. I think walking there was a really good idea, though. Driving would have been a nightmare. There's a pretty big event happening in Bluefield today. I'm not going to try to describe it because I really have no detailed information about it. What I do know is that it's a big concert. And the only name I really recognized was Montgomery Gentry. And I've heard they've sold 16,000 tickets to an event in a stadium that only holds 10,000 people. That should go over really well. You've got this all day country music concert going on and then you're gonna have 6,000 drunken, angry rednecks who aren't gonna be able to get in. Good planning, Bluefield.

We'll be leaving Bluefield tonight around midnight or 1am. I'm not too worried about getting back to Roanoke. I just feel bad for JMitch and the Charlatan having to get all the way back to Richmond. So I guess that's about it from the Bluefields. I'll see you back here tomorrow.

The Newer Model

Ladies and gentlemen of the interwebs, I am now the owner of a 2008 Toyota Yaris.

It's been a difficult week getting by without a car. I've had to bum rides and borrow cars. All in all it's been something of a headache.

Wednesday, my mother was able to come to Wake Forest to drive me around and help me find a replacement car. But we ran into a little snag.

During my time in the Raleigh area, I never made the official move to North Carolina. I never got the NC ID or driver's license. I probably should have, but honestly, I couldn't afford to pass the North Carolina state inspection with the Escort. Pretty much the sole reason why I never officially moved my residency to NC.

And since I had a VA driver's license, I wasn't allowed to buy a car. I really don't understand the reasoning there. Because I personally know people from Virginia who have gone to North Carolina to buy a car and they didn't have a problem. But that was then. This is now.

I will say this: Wednesday, I was so close to buying a 2002 Mustang convertible that I could taste it. It was so nice. But the guy wouldn't go through the process of financing it because I didn't have a North Carolina ID.

But it all worked out in the end. I got a pretty great deal on a 2008 Yaris. So this thing will likely last a lot longer than a 2002 Mustang would have. I'm guessing. I don't really know much about cars. Mom's husband won't be too thrilled to find out about my purchase. His opinion of Toyota is somewhat less than good. But what it comes down to is the fact that it's my car, I'll be the one driving it, I'll be the one making the payments. In the end, it's a car that's in really good shape and I can afford the payments.

So it wasn't my first choice when I started looking at cars a week ago. It's not the end of the world. We can't always get our first choices. Some people would like to go to Harvard, but sometimes they have to settle for a state school. Things generally turn out okay for them, right? And I think things will turn out just fine for me. And I'll enjoy driving a three year old car that gets excellent gas mileage for years to come.

So say hello to my little friend...

If I can get this little beauty to stick with me for the next decade or so, that'd be great. Oh, and I haven't named her yet. If anyone has suggestions, feel free to share.

A Final Destination Moment

This morning as I drove to work, I found myself briefly following an interesting pick-up truck. The driver was carrying a number of tools in the bed of the truck. One of these tools was a sawblade attached to a long handle, most likely used to trim tree branches that are high off the ground. I'm sure there's a proper name for this sort of saw, but I don't know it.

The thing that disturbed me about this particular sawblade was that it was just resting on top of the tailgate. And it looked to be pointing directly at me.

It's the kind of obvious thing that would be on display in a Final Destination movie. You know, the guy's driving down the road and he has all these sharp tools in the back of the truck, and he's only halfway paying attention to how he's driving recklessly. The camera pans over this one sawblade that looks like it's aiming directly at the driver's head in the car behind it. See, the camera does that to set up a really obvious foreshadowing, showing you just how the driver that escaped the explosion at the beginning of the movie is about to catch up with death.

Well that's kind of what I thought of when I saw that sawblade pointing at my head this morning. I was grateful to be able to pass that truck not long after seeing it. I'm not necessarily afraid of death, but I'd rather not go out in a gruesome horror movie style death.

The Challenge

The Other Single Guy and myself met up in Roanoke over the weekend to celebrate Subway's 30th birthday. Please note, we weren't celebrating the restaurant. I'm pretty sure the sandwich place is older than 30. Anyway, Subway's birthday party was held at a picnic shelter with friends and family, including a group of us from Bluefield College. The fact that it rained really didn't dampen spirits as we caught up with each other, laughed about old times and more recent events, and played a few games of Corn Hole.

Among these old college friends, we discussed an upcoming event: a weekend getaway at Smith Mountain Lake. It'll be a time when even more of our Bluefield friends get together and try to catch up after being scattered to the four winds. Okay, not really scattered that far, but we're spread out over a few states on the east coast. We really don't see each other very often.

After the party, the Other Single Guy and myself discussed the lake trip and he mentioned that he wanted to lose some weight before choosing whether or not it would be wise to go shirtless while hanging out on the dock. Now, I couldn't care less about going shirtless or not. I don't swim, so there's a good chance I won't be getting in the water at all. Also, have you been in Smith Mountain Lake? There are houses down there. In the lake. Hard to tell what could be floating around in that water.

Nevertheless, I issued a challenge. I could stand to lose a few pounds myself, so I asked the Other Single Guy if he'd like to make a wager on who could lose more weight before the lake weekend. The winner would be the one to lose the most weight, in pounds, by September 12. The only problem is that we couldn't come to an agreement on what the winner would get.

The Other Single Guy threw out $100 as the wager. I threw that one out altogether. It would be nice to win $100, but if I lose, there's no way I can pay off the bet. I don't need him sending a collector to break my kneecaps. So I called for a Slap Bet, in which the winner would be allowed to slap the loser once in the face as hard as he can. The Other Single Guy wasn't down with that. I don't want to say he was afraid to get slapped if he lost, but... well... read between the lines.

So I pose this question to my readers, what should the terms of our bet be? Money really isn't an option (unless someone wants to float me the cash in the event that I lose), physical pain is apparently not on the table, and it can't be some crazy stunt like, "the loser has to jump into the lake naked." If I lose, I could die from that one. It's the whole "I can't swim" thing. Suggestions are welcome.

No Singing

I took a road trip today. All the way from Wake Forest, North Carolina to Roanoke, Virginia. That's right, I made that fateful three hour drive to the old home town.

Usually when I make a trip like this, I like to listen to music and sing along at the tops of my lungs. Okay, usually when I make trips as simple as driving to the grocery store, I like to listen to music and sing along at the tops of my lungs. I love to sing, and lately, I've found that singing in the car is really the only place I can do such a thing.

But today I only listened. Not once did I open my mouth to utter a note in the entire three hours I was on the road. And I just can't think of a good reason why I didn't. Well, maybe I was just in a funk.

I already said a couple days ago that I was ready for Christmas to be over with. But I'm honestly unsure of where these feelings are coming from. Why do I lack the Christmas spirit?

Tonight I'll be surrounded by family, gorging myself on all the things I didn't get to eat at Thanksgiving. I'm sure there will be a great number of laughs between my cousin and I. I'm sure there will be more than a few sentimental moments that I'll, let's be honest, just pretend to play along with in the sentiment of it all. It's no secret that I haven't a sentimental bone in my body. I'm sure I'll field questions about the girlfriend that I don't have and my time frame for giving up and moving back to Virginia.

When all is said and done, it will be a good time had. Then I'll retire back to Mom's house, where I'll stay up all night watching A Christmas Story about six times in a row. But I still don't feel like singing.

Inspection

What a weekend.

Saturday morning I got up and drove into Roanoke. It had been eight months since my last visit to the old hometown. In that time, my car's inspection sticker had expired. In fact, it expired back in February. Better late than never, right? Sure, it's six months late, but I have a good reason.

I knew that there were a few issues with my car. I knew that there were problems that would cause Jade not to pass this year's inspection. And I knew that these issues would cost me more money than I could afford in order to have them fixed. So I put off entering the Commonwealth of Virginia for as long as I thought I could. But this weekend, the time finally came.

I arrived too late to have the car looked at on Saturday. Thankfully, I had asked to have Monday off from work, so that gave me all day today to get Jade taken care of. But there was some hesitation. After running down a list of problems (that I knew of), I decided there was no way I could afford to go through with the inspection. So I very nearly talked myself into skipping the inspection and just pressing my luck by returning to North Carolina. My plan was to then drive my car for as long as I possibly could.

But Jerry, my step-father, determined that the problem with my noisy exhaust could be fixed for under a hundred dollars. My grandmother had said that she would be willing to help me out with that. And from there, I decided that kind of amount would be easy to pay back. So this morning I dropped the car off at a dependable garage and had them perform the inspection and the repair that we knew was needed.

Around 10:30 this morning I got a call. There were more issues that needed to be fixed in order for Jade to pass her inspection. This brought the estimated grand total to $620. I wanted to cry.

I didn't really want to cry. But I did regret taking the car to the garage at all. By this point I was thinking I should have just cut my losses and gotten the heck outta Dodge. But Mamaw still said she'd be willing to help me out. If she's reading this, I say thank you once again and I promise I will pay you back as soon as I am able. Even if it's just a little at a time, that $622 and change will be back to you.

There were some other events that occurred during my time in Roanoke. I had dinner on Saturday with my old roommate Brandon and a mutual Bluefield friend, Teresa (known henceforth as Tree). Neither of us had seen Tree in a couple years, so it was a nice get together. Brandon convinced me to come back to his house, then he and his wife convinced me to stay the night. So we stayed up late playing Punch-Out. Always good times.

Sunday after church I had lunch with the members of my family that were able to be there. It was good to see my great-grandmother and aunt while I was in town. After a late lunch I headed back to Brandon and Kara's where we got together with our other former college roommate, Mark. The four of us went to Putt-Putt, and though I did the absolute worst of all of us, I did manage to get a hole-in-one. And the blue light was on, so I got to trade my ball in for an orange one. That was always exciting as a kid.

After the miniature golf outing, we convinced Mark to call a friend of his who had just moved to Roanoke. Jessica is a girl that we had all heard Mark talk about for a while but none of us had ever met her. Turns out, she's a fan of the Carp Dime. So see there? If you're a blog reader and you let me know it when we meet, you get a shout out the very next day.

Despite the stress of car repairs, it was a good trip to the 'Noke. And the car runs like a dream now. Maybe not a dream, but it runs. And it isn't deafening when I push the gas pedal.

Glory

Sunday at church, Nicole and I sang a duet during the offertory. We sang The Glory, originally performed by Avalon. If you've never heard the song, it's got a great message and really just sounds awesome. For those of you who missed it, Nicole posted video of us practicing on YouTube. And I, in turn will post those videos here.



Okay, so we're not perfect. And yeah, I tend to look like I'm bored. It's not that I'm bored... just... awkward... when I sing. I promise I smiled a little more when we did it for real in church. And here's a little behind-the-scenes footage. You'll hear Bryce and Gayle in the background. Nicole attempted to rewrite the lyrics. She was unsuccessful.

A Weekend in Roanoke

So I'm in Roanoke for a whole weekend for the first time since Christmas. Yes, I was here for the high school reunion back in June, but that was a total of one night. I wasn't even in this town for a full 24 hours. Doesn't really count.

Let me start off by sending a message out to all the people who managed to get their cars in front of mine between Durham, NC and Burnt Chimney, VA. That thing under your right foot? You know, that pedal looking thing? That's what we call the gas pedal. Some may also refer to it as an "accelerator." Many of you may not be aware, but it actually has a function. When you press it down with your foot, you make your car go faster. It's not just there for decoration. Use it. Live it.

I feel better now. Seriously, it's like everyone wanted to do 5-10mph under the speed limit. That's just obnoxious. And each time I would get to a place where I could pass someone, I'd do so. Then a couple miles down the road, another driver riding his/her brake. Arrgh.

I was supposed to be in Roanoke by 5pm. However, due to the traffic, I didn't actually arrive until 5:15. Why was I on a deadline? I'm glad you asked. Aaron had a blind date.

(Cue suspense music.)

To be continued...

Things I Want To Do In LA

Not sure if I've mentioned on here that I'm flying to Los Angeles in July. I've been saying I'd go out there to visit Jen for years, and it's finally happening. So I'm making a list of things I'd like to do while I'm there. Please note that this list is incomplete. If you have any suggestions for me, please share. As I've never been to the west coast, I'm open to ideas.

1. Put my feet in the Pacific.
2. See The Dark Knight (since it comes out the weekend I'm there).
3. Since the Angels are home, I'd like to see them play the Red Sox. That will be one more MLB ballpark visited.
4. Grauman's Chinese Theater.
5. Beat Jen in a real game of Scrabble. Without cheating.

That's all I've got right now. I thought about The Price is Right, but I figure in the summer, they won't be taping any new shows yet. Again, any suggestions will be helpful.

A Bachelor Party - II

We finally made our way out of The Attic at 2:20am. At this point we were pretty high on great song nostalgia, thanks to Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey. We weaved our way through the city, trying desperately to get back to the cars. Oh, and I didn't mention this, it cost $9.00 per car to park in the lot we were at. That's crazy.

We passed by a Starbucks and made the observation that a place like that should be open all night. Why? Because of the obscene amount of people coming out of these bars after last call. Think about it, these people are, for the most part, drunk-faced out of their minds. Wouldn't it be a good idea to stop somewhere and get a double shot of espresso to try and sober up a little? Not that I'm saying that these people should then drive, but you know there are some that do anyway. Even without the espresso.

And now for the long drive back to Andy's apartment. Well, not really long, but there is a story there. We were divided into two cars. In front was the Suburban (as mentioned previously), Brandon and I rode with Mark in his Taurus. We were cruising along the 485 doing a respectable 70 mph, and passing a truck on the right. I know that's not necessarily a smart idea, but he was in the left lane and we were going faster. Suddenly we see the truck's brake lights come on. I'm thinking, why is this guy slowing down so quickly? Then he locked it up. Tires squeal and smoke. The smell of burnt rubber invades our senses (well, one of them anyway) immediately. We notice the Suburban boys swerve to the shoulder ever so slightly. Then we see it...

Two headlights coming in our direction. On our side of the interstate. That's right ladies and gentlemen, this was easily a near death experience. This Mustang was driving west in the eastbound lane. Making a beeline for the 18-wheeler that was right next to us. Mark slams his brakes and pulls off the road. I mean, we hit dirt before it was all said and done. Meanwhile, the truck is pulling into the median. And it's a good thing too. The Mustang didn't even move. Didn't even slow down. Just kept on going.

What's going through that guy's mind? "I'm bettin' he's gonna swerve first!" "HA! I won!" Or maybe nothing was going through his head. Maybe he had killed a great number of brain cells by smoking crack that evening. That's the only way I can figure that someone would be that stupid behind the wheel of a car. He had to have been on that side of the interstate for at least a mile, because we were that far from the nearest ramp.

And let me take a moment to give a shout-out to the unnamed trucker. I know that most of the time I allow my own road rage to show and I take it out on truck drivers. Not to their faces, but you know, within the confines of my car with the radio blaring and windows up. But this guy, while he may have crapped his pants (as I surely would have done) maintained complete control over his enormous vehicle. When his wheels locked up, I was waiting for the trailer to jackknife and slam into us. As far as I know, there were no casualties that night.

I say "as far as I know" because I don't know what happened to Mustang Sally. He or she just kept going, with no hint that they were going to correct their situation. Like I said, they just kept on going straight. If that truck had not moved out of the way, you'd have been able to fit that Mustang into a coffee can.

We should get t-shirts made up that say we survived Andy's bachelor party.

A Bachelor Party - I

Andy's getting married in three weeks. It's an exciting time for him and Chrissy. This weekend they had their bachelor/bachelorette parties. It was good times. The following events take place between 6pm and 4am. Events occurred in real time. Parental guidance is suggested.

I arrived in Charlotte just before 6 in the evening on Saturday. By then, everyone was there but Mark. Around 6:30, Mark calls asking for directions from the exit. Well, he went to far and I was the one to try and talk him back to Andy's apartment. I really had no right to do this, because I know very little about that area. But I knew enough to tell him he drove too far and he needed to turn around. I asked him to describe his surroundings, and then, dumbfounded, he described a very "well-endowed" woman walking three dogs. Actually, the words I believe he used were, "Good gosh, that woman has some big boobs!" At this point, I yell across the room at Andy that Mark just spotted the Big Boob Dog Walker.

Let me back up... A month ago I visited Andy and Chrissy. They told tales of a woman who walked her dogs in the evening. The description was intriguing. A woman with rather large breasts, wearing an inappropriate amount of clothing to cover them. As much as they talked her up, we never caught a glimpse at the time.

Back to live action... Andy gathers everyone together and we pile into a Suburban so we can go on a little excursion. See, he wants us to believe that this mythic creature, "BBDW," really exists. She sure did exist. Andy's brother told her that he loved her. He got a smile out of her. This was the start of an evening that was pretty much legendary.

The actual evening began at the Hickory Tavern, a place which I feel puts Buffalo Wild Wings to shame. Dinner was great. The waitress flirted quite a bit. It's all about the tips, man.

After that we headed uptown. Charlotte on a Saturday night was pretty nuts. Our next stop was a place called The Breakfast Club, an 80's themed club. We weren't staying. The only reason we stopped was because we saw Chrissy and the Bridal Party stopping there. We shared a quick hello and good-bye.

Next we searched for a bar known as The Graduate. What's up with the bars named after movies? Anywho... The Graduate was pretty dead, so we asked about another bar known as Cans. Now, let me take a minute for an editorial remark. I don't go to bars. Applebee's is generally the closest I've been to hanging out in a bar. So I go into this thing with a preconceived notion of what a bar would be like, based, of course, on what I've seen on TV. You know, Cheers, How I Met Your Mother, that sort of thing. Misconception.

We got to Cans and it was really loud. Neat place, but loud, crowded, and kinda stuffy. We made our way through a crowd and went to the roof. Most of the other guys began drinking, I abstained. But the view was nice. And I don't mean the city. As a single man, I did take notice of the large number of attractive women all around us. However, being an introvert, I approached none of them. Seriously, could you picture me trying to pick up a woman in a bar? Yeah, me either.

Eventually we got tired of Cans and made our way to The Attic. Not the same Attic that Zack and Slater snuck into with fake IDs (that's obviously in California, duh). This place was also loud and crowded, but the music was better I thought. And how's this for coincidence... we ran into Chrissy and the Bridal Party again. Really, this time we didn't mean to.

Here's where it gets exciting. At one point in the evening, Mark and I (both completely sober) sat on opposite sides of a couch near where all the guys were hanging out. Suddenly, here comes a very cute girl that sits right between us. I'm thinking that this is pretty awesome. Just as I'm about to say hi, here comes the bonus. Another young lady comes along and proceeds to give the first girl a lap dance. And if you were to see this first-hand, you'd think that this girl was no amateur. She was working it like she was getting paid to do it. I'm fairly certain she was doing it on a dare. I'm gonna just say, I was in the right place at the right time. No, I didn't get a lap dance out of this, but I got enough splash to make that the best seat in the house.

Soon enough, we hit last call. The lights came on. And I quickly learned why bars keep the lights dimmed. People are just not as attractive when all the lights come on. Most of them are drunk and look aged from the smoke, it's not pretty. To cap off the evening (morning) in The Attic, "I've Had the Time of My Life" played over the speakers. Somehow, this became the biggest dance number of the night. Andy and his brother did the lift from the end of Dirty Dancing. I was impressed. And you're probably thinking this is where the good times end. But you'd be wrong. Come back tomorrow for the rest of the story.

Mapquest

We live in a society that relies heavily on information. And for the most part, that information is readily available with the simple click of the mouse or a quick search on Google. Don't worry, this isn't a rant on the evils of the information superhighway. In fact, I'm very grateful that all this information is out there.

Now, I will admit that I complain from time to time about the directions I get from Mapquest. Occasionally I'll search for a route to a place of business and I'll get directed through a parking lot or some road that seemingly doesn't exist. For the most part, the good people at Mapquest get it right.

But I have to ask: what did we do before Mapquest and/or GPS? I've only been driving for 11 years of my life, but most of that time has been in the age of Mapquest. These days we can go online, input our starting point and destination, and, click, we have turn by turn directions and even a rough (sometimes very rough) estimate of how long it will take to get from point A to B. Crazy right?

So what did my parents do when they were my age? If they had to find somewhere in town, did they just rely on a rough mental image of the city layout and drive around 'til they got lucky? I'm sure long distances were a little simpler, take out a road atlas. But then when you get to your city of choice, what happens then? I mean, if you're driving to Boston, the standard atlas can get you to the greater Boston area, but what about side streets and secondary roads?

This brings me to another point: kids today don't know how to read a map!

Trip to Charlotte, Book Two

Saturday morning I woke up bright and early. The crack of 8am. Why would I wake up that early on the weekend, one may ask? Because I was going to the movies.

Wait, a movie on a Saturday morning? Yes, that's right. Apparently the theater near Andy and Chrissy's homes shows movies beginning in the morning rather than the afternoon. Ocean's Thirteen, here we come. Good movie, BTW.

After that, I spent the day in Andy's office while he spent the day doing some work in his office. Not as much fun as that sounds, trust me. No offense Andy, but your office was a little dull. At first it was cool, you know, 'cause I was hanging out in my friend's office. He has his own office, which is pretty cool by itself. But five hours? Seriously?

The day picked up though. Andy's church has a service on Saturday night. This is a great idea. I thoroughly enjoyed this. And the senior pastor? Excellent speaker. The praise band? Outstanding. I really think that if this church or one like it had been around Bluefield when I was in college, that's where I would've attended. Actually, if I knew of a church around Roanoke now I may be tempted to make the switch. Really though, it was a great worship experience.

After church the three of us (Andy, Chrissy, and myself) met another old college friend, Brandi, at Wolfman Pizza. Also joining us were Ryan (Andy's roommate), Chad (an intern at the church), Bethany (Ryan's fiancee and the senior pastor's daughter), and Brandon (the next Ty Pennington). No, really, Brandon is the next Ty Pennington. He's the new carpenter on Trading Spaces. He'll be famous in three months, just wait. Man! I should've gotten a picture! Now you'll never believe we met him.

After some phenomenal pizza, the Bluefield alum spent time outside a closed coffee shop and reminisced. All in all it was a fun night. Unfortunately, the end of the evening signaled the fact that I had only one more day in Charlotte.