The Second Month

Today was the first day of February. I don't have much of a blog post for that. I just have a question. How do you say it?

There's an R in the middle of that word. Do you pronounce it? Do you say "Feb-roo-ary?" Or do you say "Feb-yoo-ary?"

Most of the time, when I hear it and even when I say it, I don't pronounce that middle R. Is it meant to be a silent R? I feel like I should know things like that, being the kind of person who picks at people's grammar and pronunciation like it's my job. Just as my mother. She can't form a complete sentence without my giving her a hard time about something she's said.

How about it? How do you pronounce the name of the 2nd month of the year? Let me know in the comments.

My 2013 Oscar Predictions

Via

Each year around this time, I like to challenge myself. I like to challenge others, too, but I'm pretty sure I'm watching the Oscars alone this time. So the challenge is really just to see how many winners I can correctly predict. The awards air on Sunday night, so be sure to come back then to see how I did with my picks...

Best Short Film (Live Action): Curfew - No reason in particular. I haven't seen any of these short films.
Best Short Film (Animated): Maggie Simpson in "The Longest Daycare" - It's got Maggie Simpson. How do you not vote for that? I'm changing my vote here. I forgot that I watched Paperman a few weeks ago and thought it was great. That's what I'm pulling for.
Best Visual Effects: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - There were giant eagles, man.
Best Sound Mixing: Les Miserables - They sang on set! That's gotta pose a challenge to the sound mixologists.
Best Sound Editing: Django Unchained - Okay, I'll be honest, I don't even know the difference between the mixing and the editing. But you're all doing a wonderful job.
Best Cinematography: Life of Pi - I didn't see it, but the trailer looked stunning.
Best Film Editing: Argo - No real reason for this one either.
Best Production Design: Les Miserables
Best Makeup & Hairstyling: Les Miserables - It might be that I have to pick this movie every time I see it nominated. Not sure yet...
Best Documentary (Short): Open Heart - Again, I didn't see any of these. Just a wild guess.
Best Documentary: The Invisible War - I can only assume that this is about soldiers who have been issued cloaks of invisibility, making it the most awesome documentary of all time.
Best Original Score: Skyfall
Best Original Song: "Skyfall" from Skyfall - It's Adele. She wins everything she's ever nominated for. And, how 'bout that... picked something other than Les Miserables.
Best Costume Design: Les Miserables - And we're back.
Best Adapted Screenplay: Silver Linings Playbook - I've heard good things.
Best Original Screenplay: Django Unchained
Best Foreign Film: No, Chile - I just like that the entire title of this film is a two letter word.
Best Animated Feature Film: Brave - Epic.
Best Supporting Actress: Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables - If she does not win this category, I may stop watching movies altogether. Her performance of "I Dreamed a Dream" alone was worth the price of admission for that movie.
Best Supporting Actor: Robert De Niro, Silver Linings Playbook
Best Actress: Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook - She got the Golden Globe and the SAG Award for the role. I think she's got this one too.
Best Actor: Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables
Best Director: Ang Lee, Life of Pi
Best Picture: Argo - Honestly, I'd like to see it go to Les Mis, but the most logical choice is Argo.

The Apocamix

So, apparently the Maya long count calendar comes to an end tomorrow. Have you heard about this? There are doomsdayers out there who claim that the end of this calendar will usher in some kind of cataclysm from which humanity will be unable to escape. I don't buy it. But just in case, I want to let you know that I've created a special playlist that I refer to as The Apocamix. It's a mix of apocalyptic favorites that will help you cope with the end of the world. So here's your list of music to play as you await your judgment day...

• "Stairway to Heaven" - Led Zeppelin
• "Highway to Hell" - AC/DC
• "It's the End of the World As We Know It" - REM
• "We Didn't Start the Fire" - Billy Joel
• "The End" - The Beatles
• "Riders on the Storm" - The Doors
• "I Wish We'd All Been Ready" - DC Talk
• "The End of the World" - Nina Gordon
• "Let the Sunshine In" - The Fifth Dimension
• "In the Year 2525" - Zager and Evans
• "It's Not Over ('Til It's Over)" - Starship
• "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" - The Beatles
• "The Final Countdown" - Europe
• "The End" - The Doors

The Last

Today was the last day of Spring Break. In a lot of ways, I'm sorry to see it go. After all, I did get to spend each day sleeping well past the insane pre-dawn hour of 5am. I also got a lot done in terms of getting packed for my forthcoming move. I was actually quite productive. But I didn't think about work at all.

Actually, that's a lie. I thought about work a little. But mostly because of the one reason I'm not sorry to see the end of Spring Break. You see, when I'm not in school, I'm not getting paid. So that's a week of vacation, but it's unpaid vacation. Which means the beginning of May (when this pay period manifests itself in the form of a paycheck) is going to suck.

I'll be moving at the start of the month. I'll have a new apartment for which to pay rent. I'll have a deposit for a new apartment due. I'll have a few of my other normal bills, plus typical living expenses, and I'll have roughly half a paycheck to do it with.

If you're feeling particularly generous, I still have a PayPal button on my page where you can donate to the "Feed the Blogger" fund. But it's really not necessary. Prayer works too. I'm taking a page from the Most Awesome Person I Know and trusting that God has led me to this place and He will lead me through it as well. Maybe part of that will be through someone's random donation to my completely selfish fund. Maybe it will mean that one of the corporations that expects to receive money from me will suddenly change their expectations. Who's to know?

Anyway, Spring Break is kind of officially over. I considered it officially over at the point in time when I would have been out of school this afternoon, leaving this evening to be just another typical Wednesday evening. I've mentally prepared myself for tomorrow's day of work. I've almost gotten myself ready for awakening at 5am once again. Though, let's be honest, there's really nothing that anyone can do to prepare me for waking up that early. It's just wrong on so many levels.

For me, a long stretch of time off is a dangerous thing. I grow comfortable and kind of lazy. I've heard some people say that, when they take off work for a long stretch of time, they start to miss the job. I've never been that way. Maybe I've never taken off work for long enough to really make that kind of difference. Maybe it's that they seem unable to find something constructive to do with their time. I never have that problem. I always seem to be able to keep myself busy. It may not always be something constructive, but it's at least entertaining.

Please don't confuse this apathetic rant with a lousy work ethic. I really do like my job and I feel like I'm making a difference, or at least attempting to make a difference. I'm just saying, if I was one of those lucky few who struck some kind of jackpot, I wouldn't be the kind that keeps going back to work. You'd probably catch me volunteering somewhere at some point, but not until I grew bored with watching The Price Is Right each day.

Low Key

Today is my birthday. At 7:48 this morning, I officially crossed the threshold of 32 years. And you know, it feels a lot like 31. I probably say that every year. Someone inevitably asks, "What does it feel like to feel whatever age you just turned?" My response, typically, is, "Feels just like the age I was on March 5."

In years past I've tried to make a big deal out of my birthday. Not that it's that big a deal. But it's been nice to go out with a group of friends and have a good time. This year I just didn't feel like doing any of that. Not that I believe my 32nd birthday isn't worth celebrating. I just wanted to keep things low key this time.

The extent of my celebrating took place at IHOP. Omelet... Pancakes... It was good. Of course, I can probably skip breakfast and lunch tomorrow due to the sheer volume of food I ingested. Still, quite tasty.

But there were no trips to Chuck E. Cheese. No attempts to pull together a large group of friends. Just a few phone calls and Facebook messages. And, this year, I'm perfectly okay with that.

Next year, however, will be a different story. Wednesday, March 6, 2013 will be epic. Assuming we all survive the coming zombie apocalypse.

Slacking

Look, I did two posts yesterday. Sure, one of them was a rerun from an older post. But then I wrote something new after work last night. But today, I'm not really coming up with anything good to write about. It's late and it's been a long day. It started out rough, 'cause of all the work. But it ended on a pretty high note. But it's still been a long day. And I've got nothing to offer tonight. So I'm just gonna need you guys to talk amongst yourselves. I promise, I'll have something good tomorrow. I promise. Really. So be sure to come back. And bring your friends. They won't be disappointed either.

Ch-Ch-Changes

I'm not gonna spend any time actually writing anything interesting today. It's been one of those long weekends. And it's only Saturday. I'll be spending much of my day on the road again, heading back to the place I currently call home. So my already fried brain will be extra crispy by day's end.

Instead, today, all I'm willing to post is that there will be some changes to this blog after the first of the year. I'll soon be changing the way you look at things here. There's gonna be a different design. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a little more aesthetically pleasing. Also, if I play my cards right, you'll be surfing to a different web address in order to read my innermost thoughts.

2010's gonna be a good one, I can just feel it.

The Mouse in the Greenehouse

The three of us sat there just watching a movie
Relaxing on Tuesday and feeling quite groovy

Noise in the dining room caught us off-guard
We all were alert, our consciousness' jarred

Nicole got up first to see what was wrong
Her scream reached us quickly, it didn't take long

Kevin went next, to see what she saw
And there was their cat, with a mouse in her paw

Bailey was proud, she had done some good work
But to toy with the mouse made her seem like a jerk

So the mouse was set free in spite of the cat
And it may seem the end, but this is not that

The creature was free to roam in the house
So one must step up to get rid of the mouse

And then Kevin went out to get a big cup
When he came back again I knew what was up

He cornered the rodent and asked me to help
'Cause no one can capture a mouse by himself

My job was to cut off the means of escape
I wish we had gotten this all down on tape

With nowhere to go the mouse fell for the scheme
It was taken outside through the back porch's screen

What started in panic ended with laughter
And the mouse just might live happily ever after

Recliner

I have a recliner that I never sit in.

Okay, never is a big word, and somewhat inappropriate. There are times when I do actually sit in it, but those are rare times.

It's a very comfortable chair. It's overstuffed and even rocks. I'm fairly certain I could fall asleep in it if I was so reclined.

So why don't I sit in it on a regular basis? I really think it's the arrangement of the living room. The sofa is so perfectly positioned for all my needs. Plenty of lighting, close proximity to the coffee table, which keeps the remote, my laptop, and my cell phone within arm's reach.

If I had an end table, or something similar, that I could sit next to the recliner, maybe I'd sit over there more often. Then I'd have a place to set my drink without having to put the footrest down.

This brings me to another new thought. Man, I'm lazy...

Pipes

As I look up in my apartment, I see various pipes that are suspended from the ceiling. Most of them I can easily determine where they come from and where they go. Those are the pipes that seemingly have a purpose.

There are two hanging above my living room. One has a vent attached to the end of it. From time to time, I can feel air being forced out of it. This leads me to assume that this is attached to my heating and air conditioning system. A smaller pipe extends from one end of my apartment to the other, going through walls and emptying its contents into the outside world. I followed this pipe and discovered that it disappears into the wall inside what would be my laundry room (if I had a washer and dryer). I'm guessing this would be the vent for the non-existent dryer.

In the bedroom, I have a similar pair of pipes. One is obviously the air. The other looks identical to the dryer vent, but I know it doesn't go to a second laundry closet. Because I only have the one. As far as I can tell, it also ends on the outside of my building, but its beginning is a mystery.

This mystery pipe travels through my bathroom and into my kitchen, but then disappears into my neighbor's apartment. I've been tempted on a number of occasions to go next door and knock, just to appease my ridiculous curiosity. My first thought is that it leads to the neighbor's dryer, but that hardly seems fair to me. Why should I have their nasty dryer air being pumped through my apartment? The way I see it, that pipe would be full of hot air. Heat tends to radiate from wherever it is contained. In theory, this makes my apartment warmer than it needs to be. I do notice my bedroom stays warmer than the living room. Coincidence?

Perhaps I'm wrong. Maybe it's not attached to the neighboring dryer unit. Maybe, instead, it's a pipe that only appears to lead to the outside world. Maybe it really empties into a miniature wormhole inside the outer wall of the building. Maybe it is a superhighway for miniature beings that traverse dimensions.

However, Occam's razor suggests that the simplest explanation is probably the correct one. That means it's most likely some kind of air vent. But, if one day, no one's heard from me for awhile, you may want to come check the apartment. I may have decided to get adventurous and cut into the mystery pipe. And then I'll either have been sucked into the miniature wormhole by the incredible gravity, or I'll be tied up by the Lilliputians that came spilling out of their miniature superhighway.

Phone Calls

Over the last few days, I've received a couple of interesting phone calls.

The first occurred while I was at the Greenehouse watching The Amazing Race. The call came from a number that my phone did not recognize. But it was from the 540 area code (where the home town is located), so I answered, thinking it may be someone I know calling from an odd number.

Me: Hello?
Her: Is this Zack?
Me: Uh, no, it's not.
Her: Is this Beth's phone.
Me: No, you've got the wrong number.
Her: Oh, sorry...

I need to say something about this mystery caller. She sounded audibly hot. Now, there's a good chance that she's not hot at all. I have come across some radio personalities in my day that sound very attractive on the radio but then end up looking like a mule in real life. It happens. Anyway, the girl looking for Beth sounded hot.

The very next night, I was driving over to the Greenehouse to join them in viewing 24. This is another of our weekly rituals. As I pulled into the driveway, my phone rang and displayed yet another strange 540 number. To be honest, I'm not sure if it was the same number or not. I'm spoiled by the programmable phone book in my cell phone. I don't remember seven-digit numbers anymore.

Me: Hello?
Her: Is Beth there?
Me: I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
Her: Oh, sorry...

That's twice. It may have been the same girl twice, but I'm not sure. In any case, the second call sounded audibly hot as well. I'm thinking if I get a third call I'm going to strike up a conversation with her. I don't know if I'll come right out and tell her I think she sounds hot. In fact, I probably won't say anything witty at all.

I have been thinking though, what if Beth gave this chick a fake number. What if this girl thinks that she and Beth are better friends than they really are? And who's this Zack character? I feel like I'm involved in these people's lives now. I'm concerned about the hot girl's voice and her friendship with Beth. Or lack thereof.

The Smell

I like to drive home for lunch on these inconvenient days when I have to work. I still haven't decided if I save money by eating at home for free or by not wasting gas on the drive home by doing the fast food thing. I'm sure there's some sort of mathematical equation that I could work to figure out where the money's going, but I'm trying to stick with that whole "When am I ever gonna use this?" argument for not caring about math all through high school.

Anyway, I came home to have some lunch and noticed a rather large van blocking the road around to the parking lot in front of my building. At first this really annoyed me, 'cause I had to drive the long way around. Strike one, strange van guy.

The half hour I spent in my apartment eating my sandwich went by without a hitch. The time went by pretty quickly, as lunchtimes tend to do. As I walked into the hallway I noticed a very long hose and a very long extension cord stretched along the hallway. When I got to the exit, I noticed the carpet was wet. I also noticed some strange van guy spraying it down with something. I asked if it was okay for me to walk that way or if I should find stairs somewhere else. He said it was fine, so I walked. Whatever he was spraying was pretty slick. I nearly fell when I was in the lobby. Strike two strange, carpet spraying van guy.

By the time I got home from work, the carpet cleaning experiment was finished. I made my way back up to my home on the second floor and noticed an odd smell. At first sight, the hallway carpet looked much cleaner. But the odor it gave off said something different. I'm not sure how to describe it without causing nauseating feelings in you, the reader, but here's my try. The hallway now smells how I imagine regurgitated cotton candy would smell like. Strike three strange, carpet spraying, cotton candy vomiting van guy.

Think I'll start packing my lunch.

Creepy

I had a real The Shining moment the other night as I was leaving my apartment.

I feel that, to get the full scope of what I saw, you should understand the layout of my building. The front entrance has glass doors and mailboxes. This room acts as a foyer of sorts. Beyond this is a hallway containing an elevator on the right and a stairwell on the left. Do you have the blueprint in your head now? Well, it'll have to do. There's not a lot to work with as it's a pretty dull entryway.

So I was coming down the stairs that night. I refuse to take the elevator if I'm going downstairs. I figure that's one of those small things I can do to get a little exercise in my day. Also the elevator takes forever and I'm just too darned impatient.

At the bottom of the steps, I opened the door and turned to the right and was met with an odd sight. Through the glass door I saw a little girl holding a very tiny dog. She was staring directly at me, as if she knew where my eyes would be as soon as I rounded the corner.

I'm sure that we only made eye contact for half a second, but it felt like a very eerie eternity. I wondered if this is what the kid on the tricycle felt like when he ran into the dead twins in the Overlook Hotel. "Come and play with us Danny. Come and play with us forever."

Yeah, it was a little scary. The moment passed much quicker than I perceived it. It was just a little strange to see a 6-year-old girl standing alone in the foyer. It was stranger to make direct eye contact with her as soon as I came out of the stairwell.

I think she was more scared of me than I was of her. She ran back outside as soon as I started walking toward the door. When I left the building, I saw her with some other people, whom I can only assume were her family.

These are things we need to remember about little kids and wild animals. They really are more afraid of us than we are of them. But if you show even a hint of that fear, they will attack. I've seen it a hundred times.

Frosty

The other day I made a trip to the Wendy's drive-through. It's not a trip I make very often these days, but it was one that I enjoyed very much. I've always been a big fan of the Wendy's. Back in college, when the great Dave Thomas passed away, a group of us had lunch at the local Wendy's in his memory. If I had ever had the chance to meet Dave, I'd have wanted to personally thank him for the 99 cent menu. Brilliant.

Now, it's been a very long time since I last enjoyed a Frosty, that timelessly classic Wendy's not-quite-ice-cream treat. Back in the day, when I still liked chocolate, I would ask the parents for the occasional Frosty, but that's been many, many years ago. Then Wendy's introduced the Vanilla Frosty. Such a thing was unheard of, and since I had long since forsaken chocolate, I was so looking forward to a vanilla treat from my favorite burger joint. But when I tried the Vanilla Frosty, I was unimpressed.

Back to the present, to my most recent visit to Dave's daughter's namesake. I ordered my usual, then got to the window and was offered a small Frosty. The girl just asked if I wanted a Frosty. I told her "No thanks," and thought that would be the end of it. She just said I could have it. So I thought, hey, free Frosty. I guess I can handle a little chocolate if it's free.

So I gave it a shot while I ate my Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger. I ate about half of it before I decided that I had had more than enough. That's enough of that.

Link

Here's a direct link to what I wrote for the News & Observer's "Happiness is a Warm TV" blog. Enjoy.

Elsewhere

For the last couple of days I've suffered from a migraine. I'm gonna take a stand right here and now and say that migraine headaches are bad. They're not good.

Yesterday, the pain was so bad and so nauseating that I missed work. Today the pain wasn't quite as tragic. The headache still exists, but it's definitely a diminished level.

That being said, I don't have a lot to write about today. I'm sure you don't want to hear about how I spent my sick day yesterday. Mostly I attempted to deprive my senses. It didn't really work too well.

Tonight is an American Idol night. Normally you would find my thoughts right here on this blog. But tonight I begin my two week stint blogging for the Raleigh News & Observer. Just click on that link and you'll be taken directly to their blog "Happiness is a Warm TV." If you go there tonight, you won't find my Idol blog right away. It will be posted tomorrow. In the meantime, happy reading.

Peace of Mind

Mark came down to NC for a visit this weekend. Over the course of that time, we happened to see a couple commercials that we were able to laugh about for the better part of a day.

The first of these commercials was one that I've actually seen before. It was for a law firm that specializes in divorce proceedings. The ad makes it sound like divorce shouldn't be a miserable experience. You almost expect them to say something like, "Don't think of divorce as you destroying the lives of your wife and children. Come see us and we'll make your divorce more enjoyable than your wedding day." Should it really be that easy?

The other commercial was for some sort of clinic that specializes in genetic testing. I'm sure they test for genetic disorders and things of that nature. But the thing that most caught my attention were the huge bold letters spelling out "Peace of Mind Paternity Tests!" This should be turned into some kind of SNL sketch.

Ever wonder if your 16 year old daughter is really yours? Ever wonder why your son stands a foot taller than anyone in your family? Well wonder no more with our quick and painless paternity tests. Come see us and have the peace of mind you deserve.

The Fog

This morning I drove to work through a thick layer of fog. What struck me as odd is that the fog stretched for the entire drive. Usually, on mornings that present this weather phenomenon, the fog is patchy and there are gaps where you have perfect visibility. That wasn't the case today.

From the parking lot of my apartment building to the parking lot of the bank, the fog was incredibly thick. It was so thick that I nearly missed my turn at a major intersection. It's a place that I go nearly every day. It's a road that I turn onto all the time. Yet, today, because I wasn't seeing my normal landmarks, I nearly missed it.

I slammed on my brakes and swerved to the right so I could make the turn just in time. And of course I used my turn signal. I used my turn signal very briefly, but I used it. I hate it when people don't give a signal. Thankfully there were no cars in my way, or they would have been pushed off the road. See, when the green Escort is coming, you get out of the way. Jade may have the body of an Escort, but she's got the soul of a Hummer.

I was the last employee to arrive at the branch today. I like to imagine that I freaked everyone else out as I walked toward the building. As if I was emerging from the dense fog itself, carrying with me an other-worldly presence.

Texting

I get bored at work. This leads me to either begin e-mailing friends who work at the same institution, like Brandon or Shalana, or to send text messages to people. Usually the texts go to Nicole, 'cause she's the one most likely to respond within a reasonable amount of time. Generally I'll begin with an actual question, but the text conversation usually mutates into something ridiculous. I give you an example from today's back and forth texting between myself and Nicole:

A: Meant to ask... May I do laundry this evening?
N: I guess so
A: I don't want to put you out or inconvenience you in any way.
N: Whatever
A: Why so passive aggressive? What did I ever do to you?
N: Hmmm. Let me think that one through.
A: Ok now you've actually got me concerned.
N: Really?
A: Are you messing with me?
N: Would I do that?
A: Absolutely
N: Never!
A: Lies! All LIES!
N: I do NOT lie!
A: Another LIE!
N: Whatever.
A: You shouldn't lie about lying about lying
N: You shouldn't be a pain in the butt
A: But I'm pretty sure that's one of my spiritual gifts
N: That's very interesting. A spiritual gift you say? Not one of the most spiritual or uplifting if you ask me.
A: It's one of the lesser gifts. My stronger gifts are in sarcasm and cynicism
N: I think you may be deceived because I'm pretty certain they are not spiritual gifts
A: Yeah. They're mentioned in the book of Second Opinions
A: Chapter 11 I think
N: I would be interested in seeing that particular book. What is it from? Aaron's version of the Bible
A: It's one of the lost Dead Sea scrolls. Sadly it was lost in the Great Chicago Fire many years ago. Its truths are but legend now.
N: How convenient for you!
A: No Nicole. It's a tragedy for us all.
N: I think you are extremely misguided and need medication
A: I just wish you could be a little open minded. I weep for you.
N: I will not be deceived by the workings of the devil.
A: Are you calling me the devil? That hurts.
N: I am saying that you are under the influence of the devil
A: Just to be clear you know that I haven't been serious about anything I've said right?
A: Except for the laundry

So that's been my morning. And I think that's pretty typical. Have fun with that.

Mission

More often than not, I forget about my dreams. I know that we all dream when we hit that REM stage of sleep, but most of the time I don't remember those dreams. And then there are the times that I do remember. Those rare dreams are vivid and often very strange.

A few nights ago I had one of those crazy, vivid dreams. I found myself on a mission team. My dream skipped over the signing up, the fundraising, the training. I was just suddenly in a jungle somewhere. I didn't know how we had gotten there, but we were ready to go to work.

We were there to help the local tribal population to build up their village and to share the Gospel. When I saw the natives for the first time, they reminded me of the tribe from that old movie, The Mission. Great movie, by the way.

Are you ready for the twist though? It's a big one. We weren't just in some Amazonian jungle, thousands of miles away. We were in an Amazonian jungle thousands of years ago. Yeah, we had traveled back in time to witness to a native group thousands of years before Christ's birth.

We were building boats for them. This was before boats had been introduced to their culture. Instead of Europeans coming to the New World to find them, they would be going to the Old World first. We were changing lives. We were changing history!

But I grew concerned because I knew we were on a mission trip. I knew that an important part of any good mission trip is to share Christ with the people you're trying to reach. But how does one share Christ with people in a time before Jesus made His first appearance on the globe?

Time travel's a tricky thing. Be careful with it. Don't abuse it. And don't tear a whole in the space/time continuum. You'll regret it later.