I'm dropping out of seminary. Have I mentioned that fact here before? Well, I am. It's a decision that I've come to, but haven't arrived at it lightly. A lot of prayer and thought has gone into this decision over the last six months or so. Someday, maybe I'll go into all of the details and reasons why. But today is not that day.
Today I just want to go into one of the reasons. And this is a reason that just presented itself to me this morning. As the months have passed by, I've continually asked God to provide confirmation that the decision I've reached is the right one. And as the months have passed by, I've received small signs confirming that decision. Today I got another.
I went to my theology class only to discover that the teacher would not be there today. Instead he had his TA drop off a few questionnaires for the class. The instruction was for us to break off into groups of 4 or 5 and discuss the questions. Really, it was busy work for the people who bothered to show up to class today. I just happened to be one of those lucky people.
As I sat in my small group, I realized just how out of place I was. I realized how much I didn't belong among these people. The questions weren't that difficult. Based on the notes and readings I've done for this class, I could have answered all three of them without blinking an eye. But as these subjects were discussed among my classmates, I felt entirely inadequate. Some of the ideas and thoughts that they were verbalizing just made me feel like I was a primate that had randomly stumbled into a classroom, was handed a pencil, and told to have at it.
I've never thought of myself as a stupid person. I've never thought of myself as a genius. But I've always thought that I could hold my own in an intelligent conversation. Turns out, aside from making a few witty remarks, I couldn't add a whole lot to the discussion.
Now, I could easily fall back on that shyness crutch. I tend to do that. Maybe it just boils down to the fact that I'm not cut out for a masters level program. I don't think I lack the intelligence for it. I just lack the motivation. Maybe I'm just telling myself that to boost my ego a little. Maybe I just don't want to end up as dumb as I feel when I walk out of some of these classes.
I've mentioned in the past that some of the things I read for seminary are extremely advanced. I even posted an example of said readings. If I can't grasp these things, what am I doing here?
Showing posts with label The Simple Life of a Seminary Student. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Simple Life of a Seminary Student. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Always Something
I arrived home from work today and pulled up to the curb where I regularly park. Much to my surprise, there was a sign telling me not to park there for 48 hours.
See, for a few weeks, the Town of Wake Forest has been working on the road in front of my place. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that in a previous post. I was hoping it would all be done by the time I got back from LA. But alas.
So I'm left to wonder when this "48 hours" begins. I'm also left wondering where I should park for two days. The signs stretch all up and down the street. I suppose I could try and park on the street behind my house, but that parking is designated for the families that live in those duplexes.
Luckily I still have the Greenes. Luckier still, I haven't worn out my welcome with them. So for two more nights I'll be staying with them.
Looking back at the month of July, I'm pretty sure I've spent approximately seven total nights in my own house. Why am I even paying rent here anymore? I think when August comes around I'll ask if I can get July prorated.
See, for a few weeks, the Town of Wake Forest has been working on the road in front of my place. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that in a previous post. I was hoping it would all be done by the time I got back from LA. But alas.
So I'm left to wonder when this "48 hours" begins. I'm also left wondering where I should park for two days. The signs stretch all up and down the street. I suppose I could try and park on the street behind my house, but that parking is designated for the families that live in those duplexes.
Luckily I still have the Greenes. Luckier still, I haven't worn out my welcome with them. So for two more nights I'll be staying with them.
Looking back at the month of July, I'm pretty sure I've spent approximately seven total nights in my own house. Why am I even paying rent here anymore? I think when August comes around I'll ask if I can get July prorated.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Raindrops Keep Falling
Tonight I was sitting with my good friends the Greenes while they enjoyed some dinner at Chili's. I say "they enjoyed" because I wasn't eating. I had, in fact, already eaten, and therefore was not hungry. It wasn't because they were starving me or running some kind of cruel experiment or joke.
Anyway, I was sitting at Chili's with the Greenes while a storm raged on outside the window. As storms go, this wasn't that bad. There were some pretty good streaks of lightning and some pretty heavy downpours, but I've definitely seen worse.
We got to talking about the recent weather conditions. As you may know, North Carolina, as well as most of the south, has dealt with a pretty harsh drought. A few weeks ago, maybe a month or two, rain returned to this area. Not just a little rain. Enough to refill the resevoir and then some. And we've gotten some steady rain a couple times a week recently.
There have been times that I can remember complaining about the rain. Times when it's gotten gray and dreary. Times when I would cancel whatever small plans I had just because I didn't want to go out in the rain. No more. I'm fairly certain that for the rest of my life, I will never complain about the rain again.
You've probably heard that old saying, "Into one's life, a little rain must fall." Usually it's used in the context of someone going through some sort of tragedy or trial in their life. But I challenge you not to think of life's rainstorms as a curse, but a blessing. For nearly a year, it didn't rain regularly, causing vegetation to die and bodies of water to dry up. Now that the rain has returned, it's as if everything has been revitalized.
The rain that inevitably comes into our lives can strengthen us. It gives us something to drink in times when we're thirsty. So thank God for the rain. And not just the rain that falls from the sky.
Anyway, I was sitting at Chili's with the Greenes while a storm raged on outside the window. As storms go, this wasn't that bad. There were some pretty good streaks of lightning and some pretty heavy downpours, but I've definitely seen worse.
We got to talking about the recent weather conditions. As you may know, North Carolina, as well as most of the south, has dealt with a pretty harsh drought. A few weeks ago, maybe a month or two, rain returned to this area. Not just a little rain. Enough to refill the resevoir and then some. And we've gotten some steady rain a couple times a week recently.
There have been times that I can remember complaining about the rain. Times when it's gotten gray and dreary. Times when I would cancel whatever small plans I had just because I didn't want to go out in the rain. No more. I'm fairly certain that for the rest of my life, I will never complain about the rain again.
You've probably heard that old saying, "Into one's life, a little rain must fall." Usually it's used in the context of someone going through some sort of tragedy or trial in their life. But I challenge you not to think of life's rainstorms as a curse, but a blessing. For nearly a year, it didn't rain regularly, causing vegetation to die and bodies of water to dry up. Now that the rain has returned, it's as if everything has been revitalized.
The rain that inevitably comes into our lives can strengthen us. It gives us something to drink in times when we're thirsty. So thank God for the rain. And not just the rain that falls from the sky.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Circumstances
This one might be long. It might be short. You can never really tell with these things. But the fact that it's late might cause me to rush things a bit.
Every week I participate in a home group Bible study at the Greenehouse. We're working our way through Experiencing God, a study which I think I may have worked through about 10 years ago, but it's good to be reminded of these things again.
Tonight we talked about how God can speak to us through circumstances in our lives, and I got to thinking about what has led me to this place. What has led me to Wake Forest? What has led me to seminary?
A little back story: back in college, I thought I was called to ministry. Then I had doubts about that. A Christian artist that came to Bluefield to play at a coffeehouse said something that made me rethink what God might have in store for me. So I pursued a different path.
In 2004 I finally left the town of Bluefield and returned to Roanoke to live with Dad. It was a very symbiotic relationship. I helped him with some of the finances, he helped me to save money. Okay, mostly he helped me out. I mean, the man was a heck of a cook. For two years I lived there, and in that time, Dad became my best friend.
Then, sadly, he passed away. Enter the circumstances. These are the circumstances that God used to put me back on that path I left behind me in Bluefield. And here I am in seminary, living in Wake Forest, knowing that this is where God wants me at this moment.
God never left anything to chance. He knew that I would doubt His call on my life all those years ago. He knew that I would have the chance to spend two great years getting to know my father better than I had in my first 18 years living under his roof. He knew exactly how Dad's death would affect me and placed people in my life to help me through that circumstance.
I could easily look back at Bluefield and think of myself as one who turned his back on God's calling. But God blessed me through it all. God remained faithful. Those last days with Dad were a true blessing. Of course I miss him. And I will miss him every day until I see him again, which I know I will. And that is comforting to me. So I thank God for speaking to me through every circumstance that I've come across in my life. And I thank Him for what He's going to do through my future circumstances.
Every week I participate in a home group Bible study at the Greenehouse. We're working our way through Experiencing God, a study which I think I may have worked through about 10 years ago, but it's good to be reminded of these things again.
Tonight we talked about how God can speak to us through circumstances in our lives, and I got to thinking about what has led me to this place. What has led me to Wake Forest? What has led me to seminary?
A little back story: back in college, I thought I was called to ministry. Then I had doubts about that. A Christian artist that came to Bluefield to play at a coffeehouse said something that made me rethink what God might have in store for me. So I pursued a different path.
In 2004 I finally left the town of Bluefield and returned to Roanoke to live with Dad. It was a very symbiotic relationship. I helped him with some of the finances, he helped me to save money. Okay, mostly he helped me out. I mean, the man was a heck of a cook. For two years I lived there, and in that time, Dad became my best friend.
Then, sadly, he passed away. Enter the circumstances. These are the circumstances that God used to put me back on that path I left behind me in Bluefield. And here I am in seminary, living in Wake Forest, knowing that this is where God wants me at this moment.
God never left anything to chance. He knew that I would doubt His call on my life all those years ago. He knew that I would have the chance to spend two great years getting to know my father better than I had in my first 18 years living under his roof. He knew exactly how Dad's death would affect me and placed people in my life to help me through that circumstance.
I could easily look back at Bluefield and think of myself as one who turned his back on God's calling. But God blessed me through it all. God remained faithful. Those last days with Dad were a true blessing. Of course I miss him. And I will miss him every day until I see him again, which I know I will. And that is comforting to me. So I thank God for speaking to me through every circumstance that I've come across in my life. And I thank Him for what He's going to do through my future circumstances.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Procrastination
I'm a procrastinator. I'm pretty sure it's something I could do professionally if it were an actual job. The problem is, if procrastinating was a job, I'd never get a paycheck, 'cause chances are, the folks in payroll are procrastinators too.
I had all of Easter Break to study for an upcoming Hebrew exam. It's an exam that tests my knowledge of all the vocabulary that I've had to learn since the beginning of last semester. That's twenty chapters. Well over 600 words.
Did I use my week out of class wisely? Of course not. I went to Charlotte to hang out with my friends. I had a good time. It wasn't a completely brain dead few days though, I did make up flash cards for the words. I just didn't study them.
Until now.
Tomorrow at 11:30am I have to take this test. A test that will include 25 of these 600 words. It could be anything. So tonight, I will consume copious amounts of caffeine and flash card myself until my eyes will not stay open any longer. In the morning when I wake up (if I fall asleep at all), I will go to my early class. Then I'll come back to my house and study some more. And then, I'll go take this exam.
This too shall pass. I just hope I do too.
I had all of Easter Break to study for an upcoming Hebrew exam. It's an exam that tests my knowledge of all the vocabulary that I've had to learn since the beginning of last semester. That's twenty chapters. Well over 600 words.
Did I use my week out of class wisely? Of course not. I went to Charlotte to hang out with my friends. I had a good time. It wasn't a completely brain dead few days though, I did make up flash cards for the words. I just didn't study them.
Until now.
Tomorrow at 11:30am I have to take this test. A test that will include 25 of these 600 words. It could be anything. So tonight, I will consume copious amounts of caffeine and flash card myself until my eyes will not stay open any longer. In the morning when I wake up (if I fall asleep at all), I will go to my early class. Then I'll come back to my house and study some more. And then, I'll go take this exam.
This too shall pass. I just hope I do too.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
A New Semester
Today classes began again. After a very long break, I'm back in school. True, this break wasn't as long as my previous break between classes (between May '03 and August '07). But I did get used to having the majority of my days all to myself with plenty of time on my hands.
I'm gonna miss those days.
They'll come again. Summer is only four months away.
In the meantime, I'll have 12 hours of classes to occupy myself. That basically translates to four classes and lots of reading. Though I do hope to make time for plenty more Call of Duty at the Greene's. Gotta have priorities, right?
I'm gonna miss those days.
They'll come again. Summer is only four months away.
In the meantime, I'll have 12 hours of classes to occupy myself. That basically translates to four classes and lots of reading. Though I do hope to make time for plenty more Call of Duty at the Greene's. Gotta have priorities, right?
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
This Is Very Upsetting
Before you read my post today, click on this link. But be sure to come back to see the rest.
Okay, did you see that? Can you see why I think it's upsetting?
I've heard of this sort of thing before. People who picket with signs screaming "God Hates Fags" up and down the street. And we wonder why people look at the church with such a horrible attitude.
My question to the people of Westboro Baptist Church is, what god are you serving? The God I know does not hate people. The God I know loved us enough, loved me enough to leave Heaven and live life as a man for the sole purpose of dying as a sacrifice for our sins. For my sins.
How is it possible to know the love of God if all you harbor in your heart is hatred for others? After religious leaders of the day asked Christ why he ate and drank with "sinners" Luke 5:31-32 says, "Jesus answered them, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."
I'll be honest, I strongly disagree with the homosexual lifestyle. I do believe that it is a sin. But you know what? I'm a sinner too. No, I don't struggle with homosexuality, but I have other struggles. Sin is sin. You and I may look at other people's lives and pass judgment, saying that they're worse or better people than we are. God doesn't look at the murderer and see a worse sinner than the man who swiped someone's wallet or the woman who lost her temper and said a few things she didn't really mean. God looks at us and sees lost people who are desperate for a relationship with Him. And He offers us a way to have that relationship.
Heath Ledger was a sinner, just like the rest of us. The group from Westboro Baptist Church has decided that he is now suffering an eternal torment in Hell. Folks, that's not for them to decide. That was up to Heath, based on his decision for or against Christ. If you are reading this blog and have not made that decision, don't wait. If you want to have a relationship with Christ, please don't hesitate to get in touch with me through this blog, or talk to someone you know is a true follower of Christ. Believe me, He wants a relationship with you.
Okay, did you see that? Can you see why I think it's upsetting?
I've heard of this sort of thing before. People who picket with signs screaming "God Hates Fags" up and down the street. And we wonder why people look at the church with such a horrible attitude.
My question to the people of Westboro Baptist Church is, what god are you serving? The God I know does not hate people. The God I know loved us enough, loved me enough to leave Heaven and live life as a man for the sole purpose of dying as a sacrifice for our sins. For my sins.
How is it possible to know the love of God if all you harbor in your heart is hatred for others? After religious leaders of the day asked Christ why he ate and drank with "sinners" Luke 5:31-32 says, "Jesus answered them, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."
I'll be honest, I strongly disagree with the homosexual lifestyle. I do believe that it is a sin. But you know what? I'm a sinner too. No, I don't struggle with homosexuality, but I have other struggles. Sin is sin. You and I may look at other people's lives and pass judgment, saying that they're worse or better people than we are. God doesn't look at the murderer and see a worse sinner than the man who swiped someone's wallet or the woman who lost her temper and said a few things she didn't really mean. God looks at us and sees lost people who are desperate for a relationship with Him. And He offers us a way to have that relationship.
Heath Ledger was a sinner, just like the rest of us. The group from Westboro Baptist Church has decided that he is now suffering an eternal torment in Hell. Folks, that's not for them to decide. That was up to Heath, based on his decision for or against Christ. If you are reading this blog and have not made that decision, don't wait. If you want to have a relationship with Christ, please don't hesitate to get in touch with me through this blog, or talk to someone you know is a true follower of Christ. Believe me, He wants a relationship with you.
Monday, January 07, 2008
I Am Legend... Again
I know I already wrote a stellar review of this film. But some things hit me as I was sitting in church yesterday. I'm not sure how, but something the pastor mentioned got me thinking about the movie. Now, be warned, this post will have real spoilers involving the climax of the film. This means that if you haven't seen it, you'll want to skip this blog post until you see it. On the other hand, you could continue to read and then go into the theater knowing exactly what happens, thus cheapening your experience and ruining the fact that you just paid $8.00 for a movie that you know the ending to. Seriously, the next paragraph is full of intimate details...
Okay, not this one, but the next one. Really, you've been warned.
Are the unspoiled masses gone? Good, it's just the two of us. I love God. And I love movies. So I like to find God in the movies. And there are a lot of movies out there that are great illustrations of biblical truths. Sort of like modern day parables. Jesus taught people through the stories that he told. They were stories that the people of the day could get a handle on. These days, stories are told with those moving, talking pictures. It's a medium that we can get a handle on. Watch movies like The Matrix or Bruce Almighty and you'll see what I'm talking about. God created this world, and I firmly believe that He can be found everywhere.
I Am Legend shows us a picture of Christ at the very end. It's possible that portrait is painted throughout the movie, I'd have to see it again. For now, I just want to focus on Will Smith's last scene. He and a normal woman and child are being chased into his basement laboratory by the zombie/vampire creatures. While trying to escape with their lives, they notice that the zombie/vampire female that he captured earlier isn't so much a zombie/vampire anymore. This is all thanks to a cure that he had developed using the immunity in his own blood. The horde of zombie/vampires pour in. The good doctor draws a vial of his own blood. He gives it to the woman, then makes sure she and the child get out through the coal shute. He realizes that he needs to stay behind to stop the advance of the zombie/vampires so the other two can escape. This means he has to die. Which he does. Heroically.
If you're a Christian, I hope you're able to see Jesus in those actions. If you're not a Christian, I hope you're able to see Jesus in those actions after my next few lines. Christ's blood is the only thing that could have saved us from our sins. His sacrifice has allowed us to have life, to have passage into Heaven. Christ was crucified by the very people He was here to save. Are you seeing the parallels? Robert (Smith's character) had the cure to the disease in his blood. Imagine that the disease is sin. He knows that in the end he has to sacrifice himself so his blood could cure the masses. He's killed by the very people he's trying to save.
There will be those that will say I'm reading into things, I'm seeing what I want to see in this movie. Maybe I am. But I really think it's a good way to look at the world. Seeing God all around us is a good thing. Knowing that He's in everything we see and do is a great thing. It's a comfort. If you're reading this and you don't know the kind of peace that I'm talking about, please don't hesitate to e-mail me or find a believer that you know. So, to you in cyberspace, God bless.
Okay, not this one, but the next one. Really, you've been warned.
Are the unspoiled masses gone? Good, it's just the two of us. I love God. And I love movies. So I like to find God in the movies. And there are a lot of movies out there that are great illustrations of biblical truths. Sort of like modern day parables. Jesus taught people through the stories that he told. They were stories that the people of the day could get a handle on. These days, stories are told with those moving, talking pictures. It's a medium that we can get a handle on. Watch movies like The Matrix or Bruce Almighty and you'll see what I'm talking about. God created this world, and I firmly believe that He can be found everywhere.
I Am Legend shows us a picture of Christ at the very end. It's possible that portrait is painted throughout the movie, I'd have to see it again. For now, I just want to focus on Will Smith's last scene. He and a normal woman and child are being chased into his basement laboratory by the zombie/vampire creatures. While trying to escape with their lives, they notice that the zombie/vampire female that he captured earlier isn't so much a zombie/vampire anymore. This is all thanks to a cure that he had developed using the immunity in his own blood. The horde of zombie/vampires pour in. The good doctor draws a vial of his own blood. He gives it to the woman, then makes sure she and the child get out through the coal shute. He realizes that he needs to stay behind to stop the advance of the zombie/vampires so the other two can escape. This means he has to die. Which he does. Heroically.
If you're a Christian, I hope you're able to see Jesus in those actions. If you're not a Christian, I hope you're able to see Jesus in those actions after my next few lines. Christ's blood is the only thing that could have saved us from our sins. His sacrifice has allowed us to have life, to have passage into Heaven. Christ was crucified by the very people He was here to save. Are you seeing the parallels? Robert (Smith's character) had the cure to the disease in his blood. Imagine that the disease is sin. He knows that in the end he has to sacrifice himself so his blood could cure the masses. He's killed by the very people he's trying to save.
There will be those that will say I'm reading into things, I'm seeing what I want to see in this movie. Maybe I am. But I really think it's a good way to look at the world. Seeing God all around us is a good thing. Knowing that He's in everything we see and do is a great thing. It's a comfort. If you're reading this and you don't know the kind of peace that I'm talking about, please don't hesitate to e-mail me or find a believer that you know. So, to you in cyberspace, God bless.
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