Hair Today, Gone...

...Well, today, also.

I've been toying with the idea of cutting off all my hair for a couple months. It's the kind of thing that hits me every few years. The last time I buzzed it short I was living in Roanoke and George W. Bush was the president. It was a different time. But the thing that ties these times together? It gets hot having that much hair on top of one's head. And I have a lot of hair.

It grows fast and it grows thick. I know I could have the opposite problem. Dad started losing his hair in his twenties. Mine just seems to keep growing more. And now that summer is approaching, I've decided that I don't want to face another one in North Carolina with a small jungle on my head. So now it's gone.

But now that I've cut it off, I'd like to salute some powerful, bald people. People who never let a lack of hair stop them from achieving greatness.

Telly Savalas - I mean, the guy was Kojak. And he was Jennifer Aniston's godfather. Bald and awesome.

Lex Luthor - Has he ever let a lack of hair stop him in his quest for global domination? No. Only Superman has that distinction.

Jean-Luc Picard - The guy captained the Enterprise for seven outstanding years on television. Can Kirk say that with his head full of hair? I don't think so.

Professor Charles Xavier - No hair and he can't walk. Yet he still runs a successful private school for gifted children in upstate New York.

Britney Spears - Sure we all thought she was crazy when this picture first made its way around the internet. But who's laughing now? Okay, I still laugh. But come on, it's funny.

Let me be clear, I am not going bald. Like the lovely Britney, I just took the clippers to my scalp and voluntarily got rid of everything but a couple millimeters of growth. That doesn't mean I'm crazy, like some pop stars desperately seeking attention after a failed marriage and lagging sales. I simply look at it as a cooling off period for my brain, which has been cooking under a thick cover of hair. Okay, I'll give you that one... it kind of sounded a little crazy.

Question of the Week: Insider

If someone offered you a large amount of money for some information about one of your company's products, would you accept it? Assume you know you won't be discovered.

This comes down to personal morality and how your conscience would allow you to go on knowing what you've done. For someone with no moral compass, it'd probably be real easy to just say yes, especially they'd never be found out. On the other hand, I couldn't do it. It wouldn't matter to me that no one else would find out what I'd done. I would know and that would be enough to deter me. Besides, let's think about the long-term ramifications of selling company secrets to a competitor. What if they take that information and eventually outdo your company. What happens to you then? Sure you may have gotten a nice kick back for giving out that information, but if they use it to put your employers out of business you're left without a job. A lot of people are probably without a job. And it would be all your fault. Just because you wanted to make some quick cash that you probably just threw away on hookers and booze. Shame on you!

*Question of the Week comes from The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.

Starting to Think About It

What am I starting to think about? Getting a new car.

It wouldn't be a new car. Just new to me. And it's hard for me to admit that I've even started thinking about such a heinous thing.

Jade, my current car, has been a good car. She's been with me for 11 years. That's, like, 58 in car years. I don't know, I didn't really do the math. But I thought we'd be together forever.

We've had a lot of good times. A lot of great road trips. A lot of spur of the moment meals in the front seat. And there was that one time I spent the night in the back seat. Don't ask.

But we've had our share of down times as well. There was the time that the check engine light came on and stayed on for about two years. There was the time the A/C went out during one of the hottest summers I'd ever experienced. And we've suffered together as gas prices have soared.

Now I'm afraid we're reaching a point in the life of the car that I'm not sure we can both survive. She tends to breathe heavily when we idle at the stop light. Sometimes she sputters while we're just driving down the road. Sometimes she acts like she wants to cut right off as soon as I start her up.

I thought that, maybe, she was trying to tell me that she just needed some fuel injector cleaner. I added the treatment to my last tank of gas, but there was no improvement. But it isn't just the sputtering. There are a lot of other little things that seem to go wrong and the little things are adding up and happening more frequently. I was hoping to get her past 200,000 miles, but it looks like she won't go much further than the 187k she's got.

But here's my situation: I can't afford to get a new car. I don't have enough money put away to just buy a cheap car with cash. I found out that I'm pre-qualified for an auto loan where I work up to $10,000. It's nice to know that, but I really can't afford a car payment. On top of that, I'm sure my insurance payments would need to increase. There's a good chance that this replacement car, even if it was a cheap one, would end up costing me $150 to $200 each month. And I have no idea where that money would come from.

I'm looking for a higher paying job. I'm hoping one will pan out soon. But I've also had that hope for about the last three years, to no avail. So I'm gonna put this out there. Just to see what happens. I don't expect anything, but the door won't open if I don't knock.

Over to the right there's a "Feed the Blogger Fund" box with a button that says "Donate." From there, if one were so inclined, one could make a donation into my Paypal account. I'm not going to make any crazy claims like your gift is tax deductible. Frankly, I don't know how any of that works. And I'm pretty sure it's not tax deductible. I'm not a non-profit organization.

I can't even remember why I originally added that button to the blog. I know it's been there for some time now. And I know that I had one friend actually make a donation when I initially added it. I've scoured through my old blog posts but couldn't find the one where I first mentioned it. Must have been really important though. Not exactly new car important, but important nonetheless.

But anyway, that button is always over there. So give, don't give, it's up to you. I don't think that button will actually make or break me one way or the other. I guess the dream is to make money from the blog, then I wouldn't need a grown-up job. But we live in a real world and I'm one of those real people who needs a real job or two to make ends meet.

I'm thinking about a used Ford Focus. Somewhere in the early 2000s. Those aren't bad little cars. Whatever I get has to have good gas mileage. That is a necessity. That's all for now.

Thor

This weekend I went with my friend Bryce to see the new Marvel super-hero film, Thor. And really, if you couldn't tell that from the title of this post or from the poster image to the right, you have larger concerns than my opinion of the movie.

I like going to see movies with Bryce. He's a pretty smart kid. He's sarcastic and has a pretty dry sense of humor, so we get along great. Also, he holds the same contempt for 3D as I do. Much of the time he voices the same complaints that I tend to internalize. For example, "Do they just put it in 3D so they can charge an extra $2.50?" Yes, Bryce, I'm pretty sure they do.

But, despite the fact that Thor was presented in 3D for a $9.50 matinee ticket, it was actually good.

Being a DC Comics guy, I really didn't know much about Thor. I mean, sure, I did read a little Norse mythology in high school. So I knew the whole "god of thunder" thing. It's possible that I got that much from Adventures in Babysitting. Not too sure about that one. I knew that Odin was Thor's father and they lived in a place called Asgard. I'm much more familiar with Greek myths, so I always just equated Asgard as the Norse version of Olympus. I could be way off there as far as the actual stories go, but I'm just sharing my impressions from my misspent youth.

All that is to say I really had no clue what to expect going into this thing. My only exposure to the Marvel Comics character of Thor was from the comic book mini-series where Marvel and DC had a big universe clashing battle royale. He lost his hammer and Wonder Woman found it. Turns out she was "worthy" and she gained his powers for a while. It was pretty awesome.

But I digress. That has nothing to do with the movie.

But really, what is there for me to say about this movie? It was good. It was fun to watch. It's not gonna win any Academy Awards. Well, not the big ones with the best actors or the best pictures. Maybe special effects. There were a lot of really cool effects, I'll give 'em that. But the point of this wasn't about impressing the academy. This was about entertaining the masses.

And I mentioned my exposure to Adventures in Babysitting earlier. That's because there was an appearance by the mighty Thor within that movie. Kind of. The little girl, Sarah, was a huge fan of Thor. And she mistook the repair guy, Mr. Dawson, for her hero. Don't believe me? Watch the following clip...

Yes, that was Vincent D'Onofrio. And you know what? I bet Sarah, wherever she is today, is really, really excited about this movie.

Legends of the Bank Teller - Episode XCVIII

The last couple days have been interesting. I mean, it's been fairly typical. I still work the drive through window at the bank. That's not the interesting part. In fact, that's about as uninteresting as you can get.

No, the interesting part comes in terms of my love life. More specifically, my lack thereof. Earlier this week I wrote a post mentioning each of the three women I've taken interest in at one time or another during my stint as a bank teller. In case you need a refresher, we have the Girl in the White SUV, the Hostess, and Spider-Girl. In the last two days, I've happened to see all three of them. This is an odd occurrence with the rarity of planetary alignment.

Thursday morning the Hostess dropped by. This is the one that I've become friends with through Facebook. Thanks to this fact I discovered that she has a boyfriend and they seem quite fond of each other. So I'm perfectly content with not pursuing her at all. At this point, my thoughts concerning her are basically limited to seeing a status update that happens to pop up on my news feed. Or thinking she's pretty when she pulls up to the window. But that can't be helped.

Thursday afternoon I was visited by Spider-Girl. And you'll be pleased to know I got her name. Now, in the interest of anonymity, I'm gonna keep that to myself. I just felt that I should share that I did ask and she did introduce herself. I did mention that I'd been calling her Spider-Girl, which got a laugh. FYI, she informed me that she found and killed the spider that had been plaguing her car for days. Good to know that disaster was averted.

Yesterday, the Girl in the White SUV surprised us all by coming to our little corner of the world. Things were slow and I was reading, as I sometimes do when I get bored. Because my head was buried in a book, I missed the e-mail from my assistant manager letting me know that he was pretty sure he saw the White SUV in question pull into the parking lot. He was giving me a head's up, just in case I needed to collect myself.

There was a time when seeing this girl would rattle me to my very core. My knees would get weak. My legs would turn to Jell-O. My heart would race and I'd forget how to speak proper English. But I needed no warning yesterday. I'd be lying if I said that seeing her wasn't a shock. After all, she hasn't been to my drive-thru since July of last year. I was fairly certain that by going out on the limb I chose by asking her out through a tasteful bouquet of flowers, I had scared her away from our branch forever.

Yet here she was. Yes, she looked just as beautiful as she had last summer. But I treated her just like I treat every other customer that drives up to my window. Well, not every customer. There are some I really don't like and am really short with. I still stick with my script, but with them I'm usually a lot quicker in saying what I'm supposed to say. With White SUV I was polite and greeted her by name. I smiled and she smiled back. And that's it. I didn't make a fool out of myself by saying something stupid like, "Well, where have you been all this time?"

The assistant manager came over and said he was proud of me for not passing out after seeing her. I looked at him and just said, "Really? It's because I don't care anymore."

And I don't. I don't care where she's been banking for the last 10 months. And I don't care if she decides to start using our branch again on a regular basis. That ship has sunk. If I ever decide to climb out on that particular limb again, the one where I attempt to pursue a girl that happens to be a customer, it won't be White SUV. A simple "no" would have sufficed. She really didn't have to disappear for a year.

In other news, I found out that a 40-something woman has her eye on me. Apparently, yesterday afternoon, one of the other tellers was helping a crazy old lady whom I chose to ignore. Before you gasp at my behavior, calm yourselves. I wasn't ignoring a customer that needed help with something. I just chose to block out whatever conversation she was having with my coworker. Turns out, it was a really good thing I was ignoring that conversation.

This crazy old lady leaned in to ask my coworker if I was single. Not for her. I don't consider 40-something to necessarily be "old." No, she was asking for the woman that was driving her around. I don't know who this woman was, I didn't see her. But apparently she's seen me. And I take it she likes what she's seen. Hard to blame her, I know.

But I don't see that happening. I like to try and stay within my 5-year radius rule. Not sure if I've explained that before. It means I'd be more comfortable with women who are no more than 5 years older or 5 years younger than I am. And I'm sure this is going to come out extremely age-ist or whatever, but I'd probably more likely to bend that rule and go younger than I would to go older. Unless I was bending the rule for Teri Hatcher.

Question of the Week: Public Execution

If there were a public execution on television, would you watch it?

Absolutely not. You know, I don't give a lot of time to the "reality" garbage they televise these days anyway. My only exceptions there are Big Brother and the occasional Amazing Race. I don't imagine they'd ever start killing off the contestants on those shows. It's difficult enough watching a favorite houseguest get evicted from the Big Brother house. Killing them wouldn't do much for me. Besides, I don't have any of the premium cable channels. And there's a good chance that you'd have to pay extra to see something like that. So even if I were depraved enough to want to witness an execution for entertainment's sake, I'm sure I couldn't bring myself to pay money to see it.

*Question of the Week comes from The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.

Now Trending

I've noticed a recent trend on Facebook. It's a trend that I find slightly annoying. And it's entirely possible that I'm the only one it annoys because I think I'm the only one who hasn't jumped on the bandwagon.

The trend to which I refer is that of copying and pasting status updates. If you're on Facebook, I'm sure you know the ones I'm talking about. They're usually about a paragraph long talking about one cause or another or one political stand or the other or how proud you are of a certain member of your family this particular week. The identifying characteristic seems to be the final phrase, "Copy and post if you agree."

Like most things in my life that bother me, I'm not sure why this bothers me as much as it does. I just find it irritating. I find them to be like forwarded e-mails. Not the forwards with the cute little jokes. The ones that have an adorable anecdote about how a cat and a monkey have become unlikely friends and if you don't forward the story on to 832 people then you obviously don't love Jesus.

Look, if I agree with something you've decided to post on Facebook, isn't it enough for me to click the "like" button? Isn't that what it's there for? Why should I copy and re-post on my status just to blow up someone else's newsfeed?

But from my point of view, why should I even bother "liking" something that isn't original to you? You didn't come up with what was written. All you did was copy it from another friend's status update, and then you re-posted it as your own. If you want to post a quick blurb about how much you love your mother, why can't that suffice?

In my opinion, that's all a status update should be. It's a short, quick posting about what you're thinking at that time. Long updates can be tiresome. Especially for guys like me without smart phones who only check the newsfeeds at the end of the day.

And about the copying thing... I admit that I will occasionaly post a quote from a movie or TV show, or even a song lyric. And no, I don't give credit unless asked or if someone tries to attribute it to me by claiming that I'm so funny.

But when it comes to your causes or your feelings about having the best sister ever, just come right out and say it. Is it really that hard?

The Single Guy and the Spider-Girl

The Single Guy doesn't so much like sharing about the women that frequent his bank anymore. This is mostly because it's never really gotten him anywhere in the past. Let's look at the previous examples:

There's the Girl in the White SUV. After months of debating whether or not he should even bother approaching her, he decided to make a move. Any attempt to make contact with White SUV was met with indifference. Eventually, she stopped coming to the bank altogether.

And then there was the Hostess. The Single Guy befriended her through a certain social network only to discover that she was in a long-term, committed relationship.

So, why try anymore?

But the Single Guy hasn't changed anything about himself. He still doesn't go out to meet new people. And attractive women haven't stopped coming to the bank. So he still notices the few that drive up to his window to conduct their everyday business.

This leads us to the Spider-Girl. She's someone that the Single Guy has seen on more than a few occasions. At first he wasn't referring to her as Spider-Girl, though. At first he was calling her the Hot Librarian. And it's not because she's a librarian. At least, he doesn't think she's a librarian.

She makes deposits for her employer, a local business. From that, the Single Guy assumes that she's not an actual librarian. No, the somewhat objectifying moniker comes from the girl's uncanny ability to pull off the horn-rimmed-glasses-and-hair-in-a-bun look. And she doesn't just pull it off. She makes it look amazing. Like you kind of hope she's the one at the front desk of the library and you're hoping she'll find some reason to say something to you. So you randomly shout out "BOOKS!" just so she'll come over and shush you.

The Single Guy has grown more comfortable attempting to talk to the Hot Librarian. Not that any deep and meaningful conversations have manifested themselves between the 2-inch bullet resistant glass. They're just short blurbs of conversation wherein the Single Guy has been able to showcase his quick and dry wit, inspiring a laugh or two with each of her visits.

Earlier in the week when she made her usual visit, he was thinking of ways to ask for her name. For one thing, referring to her as the Hot Librarian just seemed wrong. The Single Guy was, of course, aware that that name does tend to objectify her. And he was aware that it was entirely inaccurate, again, because she's not a librarian.

But as he finished her transaction and was about to ask her name, he noticed that she was freaking out about something in her car. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"I think so," she said, laughing and not too sure of herself. "A spider dropped into my lap and now I don't know where it went."

The Single Guy had just seen a video on YouTube about some type of spider in Australia that liked to hide in cars and would startle motorists causing some pretty severe pile-ups. This went through his head as he told the Hot Librarian to be careful driving. "That's how accidents happen."

The next day, she returned. When the Single Guy greeted her she started laughing. He felt a little self-conscious and asked, "Did I miss something?"

"No, I had just forgotten all about that spider until just now."

The Single Guy laughed along with her and made small talk, assuming she never found the arachnid. He still hasn't been able to get her real name, but he's decided to stop referring to her as the Hot Librarian. Spider-Girl seems a bit more appropriate from here on out.

He still wants to get her name. Spider-Girl is probably an inaccurate description as well. It's highly unlikely that she can walk on walls or shoot web fluid from her wrists. But that would be pretty spectacular.

Class Ring

At some point during my junior year of high school, I decided it would be a good idea to buy a class ring. The salesman was on campus and was doing a good job of convincing the student population that this was a necessary piece of nostalgia. Buying my class ring seemed like this important rite of passage, like getting a driver's license or landing that first job bagging groceries.

I don't have my class ring anymore. Well, I can't really say I don't have it anymore. I just don't know where it is. It could be in a box somewhere, still in my possession. Or it could be lost somewhere, never to be seen again. I don't really miss it. I'm not a ring-wielding kind of guy anyway. After my freshman year of college, I just stopped thinking about wearing it. And it stopped fitting my finger, which probably played into why I stopped wearing it a little.

But I don't really want to talk about my missing class ring. The story I want to tell is about my Dad's missing class ring. Really... it's a good story.

Dad graduated from William Fleming High School back in 1972. That's not too important to the story, I just wanted to give you an approximate time frame. A few years later, he was living in an apartment complex in Roanoke called Frontier Apartments. This was just before he and my Mom got engaged, around 1977. While he was living there, the property owners decided to remodel the second story balconies on all the buildings. Remember that detail, because it becomes important later on.

He wasn't sure when or where or how he misplaced his class ring, but at some point that year he lost it.

And now we flash forward nearly 20 years. Mom received a phone call at the house one day. This is back when we all still had land lines. The lady on the phone asked if she had called the home of the Lee Peck that graduated from William Fleming High in 1972. Mom thought this was odd, but confirmed that identity. Maybe this was a call about an upcoming reunion. They were coming up on 25 years. But that's not what it was about at all.

The woman that called began telling her story. Her grandchild was playing in her back yard and found this ring lying in the dirt and grass toward the back of the property. Turns out it was Dad's class ring. She found his name inscribed on the inside, then looked in the phone book for Lee Peck. She called the house and gave Mom directions to where she lived in Vinton (the next town over from Roanoke).

When Mom got to this woman's home, they put their heads together and figured out just how my Dad's high school ring could go missing somewhere in Roanoke, then turn up 20 years later in a random back yard in Vinton.

The woman's in-laws, as it turned out, were the owners of Frontier Apartments, where Dad had once lived. When they decided to have the balconies remodeled, they gave all the old lumber from the demolished balconies to their son and his wife. That lumber sat in their back yard in Vinton for a long time. Somehow, Dad's ring must have fallen into one of the scrap piles during the demolition. Maybe it got hung on a nail while it was being transported. Long after this family had gotten rid of the scrap, the ring laid their in their yard.

Mom came home and surprised Dad with the found class ring. After 20 years, he figured he would never see the thing again. He wore it for a while after reacquiring it. Occasionally he would make April and I kiss the ring. It was all very Godfather. Eventually, I guess, he stopped wearing again. I think April has it these days. She might have my class ring too. Maybe I should ask her about it...

Stand United

You know, I'm not really sure how to begin this post. I almost feel like it's an obligatory thing, to share my thoughts on the news that has unfolded over the last 12 hours or so.

I remember where I was on September 11, 2001. I'll always remember what I was doing when the news came over the radio. The image of the plumes of smoke rising from the towers before they fell will be burned into my memory for as long as I live. Will I say the same about the night of May 1, 2011?

Being someone that doesn't have much of a life, I got home from work last night, ate dinner, and then started thinking about going to bed. It was a little after 10 when the urge to hit the hay started to get me. And then I noticed a message from someone on Facebook announcing that President Obama would be making an important announcement at 10:30pm.

My mind started to race a little. Why would the president address the nation that late on a Sunday night? It had to be bad news, right? Was our economy finally collapsing? Did our nation's leaders decide that this democracy thing just isn't working for us anymore, so we're establishing the first Galactic Empire? It was late, I was tired, and this is where my mind goes when it needs sleep.

And then the news started trickling out of the TV, little by little. The talking heads were expecting the president to announce that Osama bin Laden had been caught and killed. That kind of news is worth staying awake for.

There were delays. The announcement that was due at 10:30 didn't actually occur until closer to 11:30. But it was worth the wait. President Obama stood at his podium and began his speech by saying, "Tonight I can report to the American people and to the world, that the United States has conducted an operation that has killed Osama bin Laden--the leader of al-Qaeda and a terrorist who is responsible for the murder of thousands of innocent men, women and children."

Now, there is a part of me that knows that it's wrong to celebrate the death of another human being. It's that part of me that's supposed to be optimistic for mankind. It's that part of me that's supposed to hope for a better tomorrow in which even the worst that humanity has to offer can somehow find redemption and salvation. And I really don't think it's right to climb poles and dance in the streets wallowing in the suffering of anyone, even someone as bad as bin Laden. At the same time, I couldn't help but feel, like I'm sure millions of Americans were feeling, a certain sense that justice had been served.

Since the announcement was made last night, I've heard a lot of people giving their two cents. Mostly, it's been people calling the morning radio shows, deciding to spin it for the postitive or negative, depending on their political leanings. And I really wish people wouldn't do that. News like this shouldn't be a stepping stone for anyone, and I don't want to use it to promote my own personal politics or beliefs.

I try to keep this blog as non-political as possible. It's never my intent to promote one wing or the other. Instead, I'll just say this: I believe that no matter one's personal beliefs or ideals, we should come together as Americans and remain united. We live in a country where we're given a lot of incredible freedoms that we often take for granted. And too often, I think we forget that those freedoms have come at a high cost.

I want to take this opportunity to thank the enlisted men and women who make sacrifices on a regular basis, and have made sacrifices, not only in the last ten years, but in previous decades, and in over two centuries of our nation's existence. And please remember, just because one man has been removed from the equation, it doesn't mean that our fight against terrorism is over.

There's a lot that's gone into keeping civilians safe from terrorist attacks. There's a lot that goes on behind the scenes that the general public may never know about. But there's no sense in assigning blame for missteps on one administration or the other. Can't we just thank our elected leaders for doing the jobs that we've elected them to do, no matter what side of the aisle they're seated on? And more importantly, can we thank the men and women in the military who do a job that many of us are unable or even unwilling to do ourselves?