Life Is Good

Not too long ago, my sister asked me if I would be willing to come and speak to the youth group at her church about eating disorders. The idea was that it would be better to hear from someone who had actually been through it than to just give them information that they would probably forget as soon as they got home. So, of course, I said yes.

What follows is just about what I said...

When I was in the 6th grade, I weighed 135 pounds. By the time I reached the 7th grade, I weighed 85 pounds. Over the course of the summer between those school years, I lost 50 pounds.

Believe me when I say that this was not due to a conscious effort. At first, there was no explanation for why I lost so much weight in such a short amount of time. Of course my family noticed that I had zero appetite, but no one could understand why. And so I was taken to see a doctor. Actually, I was taken to see several doctors. Between Lewis-Gale and UVA, no one could find a physical reason for my weight loss. If there was a test for it, they put me through it. And test after test ruled out so many possibilities. They couldn't find any issues with any of my glands. They decided that I didn't have leukemia. Eventually my regular doctor decided that my problem could be psychological.

And that's what the problem was. Eating disorders are psychological in nature. Whether the problem is anorexia, bulimia, or compulsive overeating, the root issue can be traced to a person's emotional and mental health.

My doctor referred me to a counselor that specialized in adolescent eating disorders. Over the course of the next year and a half, I met with her on a regular basis. I would talk to her about the things in my life that were bothering me. And each time we met, I stood on a bathroom scale and checked in to see if I had gained or lost anything. Generally, it was a good visit if I had put on a couple pounds. It should go without saying that pounds lost resulted in a pretty disappointing time. Through my therapy sessions, we discovered that my issues stemmed from my being a perfectionist. I was always very hard on myself when it came to my school work. Add to that the normal pressures of being in middle school among kids who could be very cruel. Sidebar: words hurt, so be careful what you say to people. Even if they don't show it, it could be killing them inside. And that's what happened to me when all of the weight loss began. I was an emotional wreck, but I buried it deep inside and didn't deal with it. Eventually, it literally began to eat away at me.

For the most part I was able to maintain a steady weight throughout the rest of middle school. While it was good that I wasn't still losing weight, it wasn't good enough. In those early teenage years, it's vitally important that we are receiving proper nutrition. That's when a lot of growth is happening. And when you aren't taking care of your body the way you're supposed to, things just stop developing.

See, when the body isn't able to turn the food we eat into energy, it begins using what's been stored up. It begins by using up fat. Then the body puts a stop to unimportant functions. Fingernail growth slows. Hair stops growing and starts falling out. Eventually, the body begins breaking down muscle and bone in order to keep itself alive. And this is where I had my real wake up call.

I reached high school and found a new definition for the word stress. This added stress did nothing to help my condition. Unfortunately, I started slowly dropping weight again. My hair was falling out and I had no strength. I was terrified. Just after Thanksgiving of 1994, I volunteered to be admitted to St. Alban's Psychiatric Hospital in Radford. I say I volunteered, but if I hadn't gone voluntarily, I would have been forced to go for treatment. I was told it wouldn't be that bad. I was told that I would be there for about three weeks. I figured I'd be home for Christmas and I'd be all better.

At first I hated it, but then I became comfortable with the schedule of group therapy and private counseling and art therapy. Actually, comfortable is the wrong word. Let's just say I got used to the routine. And I made progress. Then, after Christmas, I started taking steps backwards.

I can't explain why I started doing poorly during my last weeks in the hospital. But my time there reached the lowest point when I had a seizure. I was never sure what triggered the seizure. It could have been a lack of nutrition. It could have been a combination of the medications they had me on. Most likely, it was a little of both. Whatever the case, the powers that be decided that there was nothing else they could do to help me. Basically, they sent me home to be with my family before I died. And they made it no secret, they expected me to die.

But I knew better than that. The whole time I was in the hospital, I kept questioning why I was going through all this. I wasn't a bad kid. But that's where my mind immediately went: I was being punished for something. So what had I done that was so bad that God would see fit to put me through this. It wasn't until I got out of the situation that I realized God wasn't putting me through it, He was bringing me through it.

It's taken me a long time to figure out that all those things I worried about and stressed out over, they don't matter. In the eternal scheme of things, they never did. God is bigger than all of it. I've learned that, no matter what is going on in my life, God wants me to give it to Him. It's a lesson I'm still learning today.

I wasn't a typical anorexic. For one thing, I'm a guy. Anorexia is found 10 times more often in girls than it is boys. That's why it took so long for a doctor to come to the conclusion that my problem was psychological. For another thing, I knew that I looked like a skeleton with skin on. Most of the time, someone suffering from an eating disorder will have what's known as a distorted body image. The other anorexia patients that I met in the hospital described the overweight people that they saw in the mirror. I never saw that. I saw exactly what I was when I looked in the mirror. My disorder was not caused because I was desperate to lose weight. It was caused because I didn't know how to be open and honest about what I was thinking and feeling. I didn't know how to deal with stress in my life and it took its toll.

Everyone needs to find a release. Everyone needs someone to talk to. Remember, it isn't always about finding someone who can give you great advice, it's also about finding someone who will just be willing to listen. And never forget that Jesus was called "Wonderful Counselor" long before He was even born, and He was called that for an excellent reason. He wants to take on our burdens.

I don't mean to be preachy. But the only explanation I have for why I ever recovered from an eating disorder that nearly killed me is an act of God. That's the only way I can imagine going from having no appetite for more than three years to suddenly having a normal, voracious teenage appetite.

Sporadically, I've posted "Life Story" posts on the blog, taking a look at my life to try and determine why I've become the man I've become. The conclusion I've reached after examining life through the end of high school? There's really no point in worrying over things. Throughout our lives, good times are going to come just as well as the bad. There will be days when we won't feel like smiling. There may be weeks or even years when we won't feel good about life. But everything is going to turn out okay. Somewhere, at some time in all our lives, there will be reasons to smile again. We just have to know where to look.

Just One Wanted to Know

Just one question for me? No one else wanted to play along? Where are my 47 followers? Did you all jump ship? Have I become that boring? No... it's fair. I have become pretty boring. Anyway, thank you to Brandon for being the one reader to take me seriously.

He asks...
Do you have a thought as to what we might experience the weekend of December 3rd? Tell me how you think the weekend's going to go...

For those who are unaware... which would be just about everyone because it's not something I've written about on here yet... During the first weekend in December I'll be going on a road trip with three of my best friends from college. I, along with Brandon, Mark and Andy, will be getting into my car and driving to the far away and mysterious land of Indiana. We'll be making the long trek to the fabled city of Indianapolis to witness the first ever Big Ten Championship football game in human history.

I believe that the four of us will experience an epic road trip, the likes of which none of us have ever seen during our years of being friends. I believe that it will be as entertaining, nay, more entertaining than the times experienced by the foursome in The Hangover, and we will be able to remember every moment of it because, unlike those guys, we won't be suffering from the effects of "floories." But, at least we'll be prepared in the event that we bump into a tiger somewhere. Thanks to Zach Galifianakis we'll know that tigers love pepper, but hate cinnamon.

I believe that we'll thoroughly enjoy watching a live football game that will be thrilling to see, but it's difficult for me to say what teams we'll be watching. That's mostly because I really haven't been paying attention to what teams in the Big Ten Conference are doing well. Now, some of you may be asking, if I don't pay attention to the college football, why would I care about paying money to go to this game?

No, I don't pay close attention to the wins and losses in college football each fall. I like watching football, I just don't get into it as much as my friends do. But that's okay by me, I mean, if it's okay with them too. To me, the important part of this trip isn't who's vying for that championship. It's about spending an awesome weekend with three of the best friends I've known in my life.

I believe that, by the end of the weekend, we'll be incredibly exhausted. I believe that that exhaustion may lead to some fairly severe arguments. Nothing serious, just those ridiculous disagreements that come up when close friends spend a lot of time together in close quarters. But I also believe that we will have laughed more in those three days than any of us have in a very long time. And I believe that we'll end up laughing about any of those possible disagreements that may come up, as well.

All in all, I believe it's gonna be epic. Now... everyone sing along...

And we're the four best friends that anyone could have...

Question of the Week: Impact

Do you feel you have much impact on the lives of people you come in contact with? Can you think of someone who, over a short period of time, significantly influenced your life?

Of course I impact the lives of the people around me. In fact, I'd bet real money that 86% of the people I've ever met would list me among their top 10 most influential people in their lives. True story. As for people who have influenced me, well, there have been a lot. But I can't say that I'm necessarily influenced by people who are in my life for a short amount of time. It's the folks who stick around for the long haul that really influence me.

*Don't forget to go back and ask me a question! I'll be answering tomorrow!*

*Question of the Week comes from The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.

The Single Guy Signs On

*Don't forget to go back and ask me a question!*

A few months ago, the Single Guy decided it would be beneficial to sign up for an online devotional that delivers daily words of wisdom to his inbox. He was right. It was a good way for him to be reminded at the start of each day exactly why he should be thankful for all that he's been given. Not that he wasn't grateful, he just has a tendency to take things for granted. But that's really off topic.

Anyway, at some point while receiving these daily devotions, the Single Guy received an e-mail advertisement for an online dating site with Christian tendencies. At first he ignored it. Why should he sign up for a dating site, Christian or not? But then he thought about it. It's not as if he was still working the drive-thru at the bank where an endless line of attractive women would flock to him begging his help and his financially savvy mind. Or something like that.

So he signed up. Now would be a good time to point out that the great P. T. Barnum once said that "there's a sucker born every minute." Actually, he never said that, but it's always attributed to him, so let's just go with it. Again, way off topic.

Signing up for this website seemed to be a waste of time. Occasionally the Single Guy would get an e-mail alert letting him know that the magical gnomes inside the internet had possibly found "the One" for him. Generally, he ignored these e-mails. And then one day he decided to open one of these e-mails. And he was taken to the profile of a woman to whom he felt oddly drawn.

He saw her pictures and read her profile and kind of wanted to take a shot. But he couldn't really explain why. After all, she lives two hours away and has two kids. Would it make sense for a Single Guy who has never been in a grown up relationship to try to connect with someone who obviously has been in a grown up relationship?

Okay, looking back, there is something that the Single Guy is aware of. One specific thing about this woman that draws him in. He's pretty sure her smile reminds him of the Hostess. Remember her? Yeah, it's been a while. Anyway, he's probably a sucker, but he decided to take a chance and send a message. All based on a nice smile.

Let the mockery begin.

My Boring Life

Hey kids. I need to address something. It's come to my attention that my blog posts are not as entertaining as they once were. No one has actually brought this to my attention. I'm just making that assumption by the fact that I have fewer visitors these days and, for the most part, have fewer comments on the things that I post.

I've mentioned before that I thrive on getting attention. Not in real life, just on this blog. I'm not saying I need your approval or affirmation in order to make it through my day, but it sure doesn't hurt.

The truth is, I'm having a hard time coming up with interesting things to write about on a daily basis these days. I think it could have something to with the fact that my career has so severely changed. I don't have any more Legends of the Bank Teller to tell because, well, I'm not a bank teller anymore. And these days, I still really enjoy my job. So does this lack of conflict mean that I've become a more boring person? I certainly hope not.

So I have this problem. It's the same one I mentioned a while ago, in case you weren't paying attention. It's that problem where I have a hard time coming up with things to write about. So I'm open to suggestions.

No, really... I'm open to your suggestions. What would you like to see me write about? I sincerely want your opinions on this. There's a handy comments section below this where you can share your thoughts.

Also, don't forget about yesterday's post where I put the call out for your questions. You have until Saturday, at which point I'll answer all the questions I get. So far I don't have any questions in the comments. Pretty sure if I don't get any, my feelings will be kind of hurt... I don't think I'll cry or anything. Ever since I had my tear ducts removed, crying has been a non-option.

Who Wants to Know?

It's been a while since I've done something like this. But it's happened a couple times in the life of this blog. I'm giving my readers the opportunity to ask me any questions that you would like to have answered. They can be personal questions or they can be trivia questions. I promise, whatever the question, I will answer it to the best of my ability.

All you need to do, assuming you want to play along, is leave a question in the comments. I'll accept any questions between now and Friday night. On Saturday I'll give my answers.

Simple enough? So, who's gonna play along?

Zombie Apocalypse

I've never really considered myself a fan of the zombie sub-genre of the horror genre. I've never seen the original Night of the Living Dead or any of the copy cat films it spawned. In fact, I'm fairly certain the first traditional zombie movie I saw was probably Shaun of the Dead a few years back. And I thought it was okay, but it really didn't rock my world or make me crazy about zombie movies in general.

And then I saw Zombieland a few months ago. I kind of thought it was awesome. But that's not the point of this post.

The point that I've been trying to get to is the awesomeness that is AMC's The Walking Dead. Have you seen this show? Okay, if you don't like zombie stuff, you probably won't like it. But do you know for sure that you don't like the zombie genre? Give it a shot, maybe you'll like it.

The thing is, it's not just about a zombie apocalypse. It's about the people trying desperately to survive a zombie apocalypse. I guess it could be argued that most zombie movies are about the regular people that are still around when the dead rise. But with a TV series, we're able to really examine these people's lives and how they react to the world falling apart around them.

The show is based on a comic book series. Of course, this speaks to the comic book geek that resides somewhere inside my soul. Apparently, this series has been around for a while, but since it's published by a company that isn't DC Comics, I really didn't know it existed. Now I know and I kind of love it.

I've started reading the trade paperbacks collecting the early issues of The Walking Dead. The story is slightly different from the way things have progressed on the TV show, so I'm able to read things without really knowing what's going to happen next. And, when I get caught up to where they roughly are on the show compared to where I've read in the graphic novels, it's different enough that the show will still surprise me with each new episode.

BTW... Last night, after the new episode of The Walking Dead, I watched the live reaction show, Talking Dead. One of the guests was a guy from the Zombie Research Society. Yeah, it's a real thing. And yeah, they truly believe that a zombie apocalypse is a true threat to humanity. The way governments and researchers mess around with viruses and biological weapons, apparently it could happen.

Time to start preparing, people. My plan: rent a storage unit nearby and start filling it with useful things like bottled water, canned goods, candles, flashlights, batteries, etc. You know, end of the world stuff. Also, it's time to take that archery class I've always wanted to take. It will be nice to be handy with a weapon of some kind when the attacks begin.

Question of the Week: Do What You Say

Sorry this is a day late. Got busy yesterday... ended up staying out late...

Can you be counted on to do what you say you'll do? What does it take for you to trust someone?

I'm pretty sure I can be counted on doing what I say I'll do. I don't have a perfect memory, so there will be times when I'll screw up and forget to do something when I've said I would do it. But I wouldn't tell someone that I'll do something and then purposefully not do it. I'm not that big of a jerk.

As far as trusting people, it's not something I'm very good at. That whole "opening your heart" thing, I'm not good at that either. It's on my list... I just haven't gotten around to it yet. I figure that will tie in real close with the trust issues.

*Question of the Week comes from The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.

Deflated

Have I mentioned that, since moving back to Virginia, I've been sleeping on an air mattress? It's true. I've been sleeping on an air mattress. For five months.

It hasn't been great.

At first it wasn't bad. But I'm now of the belief that air mattress are meant to be used in moderation. Those rare occasions when one goes camping or needs a place to crash when visiting relatives out of town. But every night for five months? I'm not entirely sure that these inflated wonders were designed for such prolonged usage.

As I said, at first it wasn't too bad. In fact, for about the first two months, I never had to re-inflate it. It stayed firm and full of air all day and night without the need for a refill. These days, I have to blow it up every day.

Don't get me wrong. I'm appreciative to my mother and step-father for the use of the air mattress. After all, it belongs to them. And they've let me use it all this time, rent-free. But I'm pretty sure I'll owe them a new mattress by the time I'm done using this one. Not sure that I've actually done anything to it. But considering the fact that it once stayed fully inflated on a constant basis and now it absolutely does not, they'll be needing a working air mattress.

But before that can happen, I really need to get a big boy bed. Oh, to sleep on a real bed again. To lie down on a soft mattress that cradles me as I drift off to sleep. My dream is to make it through an entire night and wake up in the morning, fully refreshed and without an aching back.

I pray that this dream can become a reality.

1700

According to legend, November is a magical month. At some point in ancient times, it became known as National Novel Writing Month. It's the time of year when a challenge is issued to writers everywhere. That challenge? Write an entire novel within the confines of November's 30 days.

The rules are fairly simple. Novels must reach a minimum of 50,000 words by 11:59 the night of November 30. So, if one does the math correctly, that means that each day a writer must get approximately 1,667 words on paper... or on the screen... whatever.

I tried to accomplish this task last year. I failed. I came closer than I've ever been to completing a novel. But I didn't quite finish it. And it was crap.

But the point of NaNoWriMo isn't to write a sparkling, polished bestseller. The organizers of this event emphasis quantity over quality. A lot of novels that are churned out during the month of November will never see the light of day. But some do. Ever heard of a little book called Water for Elephants? It was recently turned into a movie with Reese Witherspoon and the vampire from Twilight. Yeah, it was written as a part of NaNoWriMo. That tells me it's possible to get this done.

So I'm trying. And I've challenged myself to write 1700 words a day. That way I'm overshooting the minimum just a little. And in 30 days, I guess we'll see where I end up. And we'll see what happens.

Wish me luck. Oh, and along with this, there may be days that I won't feel like coming up with something to post on here. There will probably be a lot of days when coming up with 1700 words will be a struggle. So by the time I hit my goal for the day, I may not feel like racking my brain anymore. But I'll do my best. Stay tuned...