The Church Search

Some time ago, I decided I was done with church. Let me back up. I didn't really decide that I was done with church. To say that makes it sound like I had chosen never to attend church again. That's not what happened. Not really. A more accurate statement would be that I decided to take a break from church. I didn't need or want a break from my faith in God, I just needed a break from His people.

This decision came after years of disappointment and disillusionment. I won't go into detail about what those disappointments were, I've written them out before (and if you have questions, I welcome your comments or emails). Again, my disappointment wasn't in God, it was in His people. The people of the church are, at best, flawed. More often than not, they're hypocritical, prideful, selfish and self-serving. Basically, they're just people. I feel I have a right to say these things because, I too am a part of the church. I should probably type that with a capital C. I'm not a member of any particular church at the moment. However, being a believer in Christ makes me a part of the Church, which is the body of Christ.

I've missed church. I've missed being with a group of people who have similar beliefs. I've missed sharing my concerns and my questions about my faith with people who won't judge me for having those concerns or questions, simply because they probably have the same concerns and questions. I know it's hard to find that kind of group, but I have to believe they're out there.

See, I've had this picture in my head of what church should look like or be. I don't think it's too complex or elaborate. But that could be because it's in my head. So, to me, it's fairly simple. Church should be a body of individuals who come together to make the whole. They do this by loving each other unconditionally. They love the way Christ loved. They lead by example. They serve one another. They serve the community. They are unselfish and put others before themselves. They are unbiased and non-judgmental. They are warm and welcoming of all who enter their doors.

Maybe that is a bit complex. Those things, while they seem really nice, are difficult to find. Maybe not if you're looking for one of those qualities. But to find more than one in one place, or to find all of them... I'm not sure that's even possible.

So I've come to another decision. It's time to stop looking for all those things. Yeah, if I find them all, great. But I'm building up these high expectations of flawed and imperfect people. I know for a fact that I can't be all of those things at all times myself. What gives me the right to expect them of anyone else? It makes me just as hypocritical as the people I've been trying so desperately to avoid for the last three years.

I attended a church in Blacksburg today. It was actually my second visit in as many weeks. I like what I've seen and heard so far. The people seem friendly enough. I have no doubt that disappointment is lurking just under the surface, but I won't be the one who goes looking for it. I'm not going to place these people up on a pedestal and pretend that they're something they're not. I'm going into this remembering that they're flawed. They are fallen and broken, just like me.

I've decided that I shouldn't just sit back and let things happen. If I find myself in another situation like the situations I've experienced in the past, I won't run away like I did before. You can't effect change or fight against wrongdoing by sitting at home and ignoring the fact that it's Sunday morning.

It's been too long since I've been connected to a ministry that I can believe in. I've seen that kind of ministry through friends' churches. I've seen the way they're plugged in and making a difference in the lives of others. I want that. I want to become involved with people who are working to make a difference in the community and the world. But it's not about wanting to feel good about myself. I've come to realize that I'm only in this world for a little while. I want my time here to be worth something. It's not worth a whole lot when I find myself sitting at home, not only ignoring Sunday mornings, but ignoring the world that God has laid out before me.

AFI 45 - Shane

Shane

1953

Directed by George Stevens

Netflix sleeve: Amid stunning vistas, this Oscar-winning Western from director George Stevens follows a reformed gunslinger whose determination to avoid a fight is tested when greedy cattle barons threaten the community of homesteaders he's joined.

What a great classic western. The kind where you can tell the good guys from the bad guys based on the color of their hats. Also, you know the kid is crazy annoying, due to the fact that he just won't shut up with his sing-songy inflections with every thing he says! This one is from way back when Jack Palance was credited as Walter Jack Palance. He shows up on screen and you just know he's the bad guy. Not just because he's wearing black from head to toe (And really, who does that in the wild west? It's always hot!), but also because the dog in the deserted saloon walks off with its head hanging and its tail between its legs. I have to question the sound mixing on this one. When Shane shoots at a target picked out by the kid, it sounds like he's firing a bazooka. Did you know that Shane is an early debate over gun control? When Shane tells Mrs. Starrett that a "gun is as good or as bad as the man using it," she responds that "we'd all be better off if there wasn't a single gun left in this valley." I thought the whole thing was pretty good. Other than the annoying child. Seriously, every line he delivered was like nails on a chalkboard. And the movie leaves us with one of the great Hollywood mysteries, is Shane alive or dead in that final scene as he rides off into the distance? The answer probably depends on how you saw the end of Inception, does the top fall or keep spinning?

Welcome to the Four Day Weekend!

How does one manage to capture the mythical unicorn known as the four day weekend? It's simple, really.

First, one must look at the calendar and choose a weekend that is already labeled a three day weekend. For example, the United States government has seen fit for a number of years to give its employees the day off on the third Monday of every January. This is in observance of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday. I don't remember Dr. King's speech about dreams having anything to do with federal holidays or sleeping in on a Monday, but I'm grateful for the observance just the same.

Now that the three day weekend has been properly chosen, it helps to have working knowledge of meteorological conditions. No, you don't necessarily have to have the ability to read weather patterns, though it helps. Typically, you can just turn on your local news and, if your local weathermen/women are somewhat competent, you should get a fairly accurate prediction of what sort of weather you can expect for your upcoming three day weekend.

For the four day weekend thing to work right, you really need an accurate forecast of snow. And I'm not just talking about a light dusting that makes the trees look pretty. You need the kind of snow that grinds traffic to a halt. It has to be the kind of snow that causes employers and especially school superintendents to say, "Waitaminute! We have got to close everything down, right now!" They shout these things because they have a genuine concern for your safety and the safety of the children that attend their schools.

Now, looking at those steps, you probably need to choose MLK day as your three day weekend of choice. It's not likely that you'll see a wicked snowstorm around the time of Columbus Day. That mostly depends on where you live, though. I'm sure there are a number of localities that see snow regularly during the first half of October. Southwest Virginia isn't usually one of those localities.

If you're insistent on your four day weekend occurring in October, or some other non-wintry month, you may need to spend a great deal of time in prayer. Be prepared to present a very convincing argument for why it should snow enough to grant you a day off, 'cause the thing is, God's got a plan for these things and I'm not sure He likes it when humans try to control weather patterns.

Anyway, here we are. This perfect storm of perfect timing has hit and the four day weekend is upon us. Well, it's upon any of us that happen to work in one of any number of schools in the area where I live.

After a week of torrential downpours and some pretty severe flooding in many areas, things got really chilly and the rain turned to sleet and then into snow. Because of the exceedingly wet road conditions, the road crews were unable to pretreat the roads, making it difficult to prevent the coming snow from sticking and making things more treacherous than they already were. Thus, when the snow began to fall, it began to stick to everything. Quickly. And then it built up. Heavily.

The heavy, wet snow has a tendency to mess things up for a lot of people. It makes for a dangerous evening commute, especially for folks who are not used to maneuvering in the wintry weather. It also has a tendency to break tree branches and tear down power lines. Sadly, that very thing happened somewhere near me. Around 6:15 yesterday evening, my power went off. Thankfully, it didn't go off until after I saw the wonderful news that school had been canceled for Friday. At that point I didn't care what happened. I didn't care if the snow melted immediately. I didn't care if I didn't get power again 'til Monday. I just knew I had four days of relaxation ahead of me.

But then the reality of no power sank in. No power meant no TV and no internet. No power meant that my phone would soon be dead, with no way to recharge the battery. And, being winter, no power meant a good 12 hours of near total darkness. I wasn't so concerned about the milk going bad, I was more worried about what would happen when I inevitably had to go to the bathroom. There are no windows and we have no candles. I have a new found respect for the blind.

Then I remembered a gift that I received from my sister at Christmas. A very small, very bright flashlight. I was saved! I could get the flashlight and read to pass the time until I was tired enough to sleep through the blackout! But wait... the flashlight was in my car. Cue the "duh-duh-duh" suspenseful music. So I did what any bored, yet wired individual would do in a snowstorm induced blackout. I snowsuited up and made the long trek to my car. The huge flakes of snow fell heavy upon my brow as I trudged through the slush to the parking lot. It sounds worse than it really was.

My power outage didn't last long. I'm one of the lucky ones who only had to endure the darkness for a few hours. But my joy was short-lived as I realized that the power had somehow damaged the cable and internet being fed into my apartment. Cue the "duh-duh-duh" suspenseful music once again. This morning I called our provider and they said they would have everything working again at some point today. Since you're reading this blog, you can go ahead and assume that everything is working again, otherwise I'd have been unable to post it.

I took out the trash just before lunch. I surveyed the roads from the dumpster and decided that I could handle a trip to the store. The snowfall had already come and gone, so I knew the store would be the last place in town that would see a lot of crowds. People only show up there before the snow hits so they can raid the eggs, milk and bread. The walk from the dumpster to my car proved to be problematic. This is the part where I fall flat on my back.

I was being careful. It's not like I was looking for patches of ice so that I could tempt fate. Fate, it seems, was looking for me. There wasn't much happening at the apartment complex. There were a few of the college kids out at someone's truck, clearing it of snow. I walked up the sidewalk, my own car was in sight. I remember thinking how embarrassing it would be to fall with those kids watching me. And then it happened. I stepped on an icy patch that really just looked like a normal part of the wet sidewalk. Thankfully, my center of gravity only shifted slightly and I was able to catch myself.

But then I got cocky. "This ice won't get the best of me," I thought to myself. And it was as if the universe decided that I needed to be taken down a couple pegs. Suddenly my feet flew out from under me, my spine had cracked on the sidewalk and I was looking up at a beautiful blue sky. I lay there for a few seconds which felt like several minutes. I then hoped that the kids were not only watching when I fell, but had a camera that recorded the whole thing. It would have been YouTube gold. I imagine I looked something like Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci after walking on some strategically placed Micro Machines in the foyer on Home Alone.

Yeah, I probably looked like that...

I chose not to cancel my trip to the store and the post office. After all, I'd come this far. If I went back to my apartment now, it would have all been for nothing. I wasn't gonna go out like that!

The rest of my day was uneventful. When I got back home, the walk from the car to my front door was a lot more careful. I remember thinking, very specifically, "I don't wanna fall again!" Next time I go out, I'm tying a pillow to my back. Just in case.

I'm looking forward to another three days of relaxation. I'm probably going to need it. I have a feeling my back will be killing me when I wake up tomorrow morning.

New Tales From Old Navy: And I Do Mean Old

I realize that I'm now well into my 30s. My body reminds me of this fact every time I sit down after working a shift at the store. Mentally, there's a part of me that fails to grasp that concept.

More often than not, I still feel like I'm in my early 20s. Even if I look in the mirror and see that I've aged 10 years, it's hard to accept. I guess that's good, though. 'Cause they say you're as young as you feel. I feel young... -ish...

I was happy that I got hired to work at Old Navy. Most of that happiness stemmed from the fact that I would be receiving an extra paycheck every now and again. But I knew there would be other benefits. At least, I assumed there would be. And I don't just mean the discount.

Being in close proximity to two large universities, I assumed there would be a great number of attractive women walking through those doors. Yeah, yeah... "What a sexist thing to..." Shut your faces! I'm young and single. Sue me for noticing attractive members of the opposite sex.

It's not that my assumption was completely wrong. I just noticed a strange phenomenon when I worked last Saturday. When I looked around the store, there wasn't a single woman under the age of 60. This went on for a few hours. Not that there aren't beautiful 60 plus women out there. Look at Jane Seymour. But Jane Seymour did not come into the store that day.

So where were all the young shoppers last weekend? Better things to do? Better places to be? I'm working again this Saturday. Feel free to make an appearance. I promise not to stare. At least, not blatantly.

Pen Pal

Last year, on the Bucket List that I made up, I mentioned that I'd like to have a pen pal. Specifically, that's number 31 on the list. I've never had a pen pal before. And now that we live on the world wide web, sending letters through the mail is almost unheard of.

Letter writing can be considered a lost art form. And that's understandable. Email is very convenient and you don't have to spend 45 cents to send each one. Also, it helps our society with our need to have instant gratification. We live in a world where heating up a burrito for a minute in the microwave takes way too long. Who wants to wait for a letter to arrive in the mail?

But I'd love to get a real letter. I'd love to open my mailbox and see something other than bogus loan checks and coupons for places I've never been. I'd like to look forward to opening that mailbox. I'd like to get excited about driving to the post office to see if anything good is waiting for me.

So I'm looking for a pen pal. Any takers? I'm pretty decent with a pen and some paper. And I'm told my penmanship is very nearly legible. Come on, I've got a whole book of forever stamps just waiting to be used.

Thank You, Number Sixteen

The jeans I wore this weekend I've had for several months now. But I pulled something out of the back pocket that I did not know was there. It wasn't a big deal. It's not as though I reached in and found a $20 bill, though that would have been awesome. No, it was a tiny sticker with the number 16 on it.

As a kid, I found those stickers on my clothes quite often. Dad explained that the number represents the person who inspected the clothes to make sure that particular article of clothing was acceptable for consumption.

So I'd like to say thank you to Sixteen. I know that's not a proper name, but I probably can't properly pronounce your proper name.

Thank you, Sixteen. You made sure my jeans were safe for me to wear. I'm not sure how they could be unsafe. Then again, I don't really know much about Vietnam, where my pants were made. Maybe some jeans contain broken glass in the pockets. Maybe the denim is infused with SARS. But you, Sixteen, have guaranteed that my jeans are okay.

Not like Eleven, who inspected my khakis. Eleven left a hole in my right pocket. Not cool, Eleven. Not cool.

Question of the Week: Joy

What does your joy look like today?

 

This is a hard one for me. It's no secret that I'm not an emotional person. There are times when I wish I could easily express emotions. But don't mistake that for a lack of emotions. I absolutely feel things. Those feelings just aren't apparent externally. As far as joy goes, it's always there on some level. I've always thought of joy as a state of mind, more than a feeling. Sometimes it can manifest itself in the form of happiness, which is a fleeting emotion that is often based on circumstance. Someone may not always be happy, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're lacking joy. Today, my joy looks like it usually does. It's under the surface of all the things I have to do today and my concern for a coworker who will have surgery this week. But I'm thankful that the source of my joy doesn't come from my circumstances, or from anything I can control. My true joy comes from God and it's always there, even when life tries to get in the way, or when I attempt to put life in the way.

Paradise

Grandpa always said that Paradise was the place where dreams could come true. He told me that it was the place where you could visit any place in the world, or even beyond. He insisted that in Paradise, I was only limited by my imagination.

The Paradise Theater was a magical place when I was a kid. But now I'm an adult. Grandpa isn't here anymore. Since he passed away six months ago, the Paradise Theater has been officially mine. And so are it's problems.

As an adult in Paradise, I'm no longer limited by my imagination. I'm limited by money. Rather, I'm limited by a lack of it.

Some of my earliest memories in life take place within the walls of the Paradise. I remember the theater being filled to capacity night after night. I remember watching Grandpa as he ran the projector. I remember sitting on his shoulders as he stood in the dark while a classic movie played on the big screen.

The Paradise has been on the decline for a lot of years. After all, I only have one screen. It's hard to compete with the multiplex at the mall with 18 screens and digital projectors. I'm still showing movies on celluloid. Kind of makes it hard to make money when every new movie comes out in 3D.

So I'm thinking it's time to change. As of today, I've closed down the Paradise Theater. We aren't closing permanently. Hopefully that will allow my five employees to breathe a sigh of relief. But we will be closing to rethink how we do things.

The first step will be to remodel. The look of the lobby has not been updated since 1983. For the record, that was before I was born. 1983 was when Grandpa first began running the place. That's when he decided the Paradise needed a new look. Once he finished his remodel, he reopened just in time for the 50th anniversary. I figure I can do the same thing in time for the 80th anniversary of the Paradise.

As part of the remodel, the lobby won't just be a lobby. We won't just have a concessions stand with popcorn and Jujubes. We're gonna have a full service coffee shop. Tables, chairs, live music when the occasion calls for it.

Finally, to complete the retro feel of our historic landmark of a theater, the Paradise will show only classic movies. Why should I show the new movies that can be seen in much higher quality for twice the price across town? No, the Paradise Theater will feature old movies that probably have not been seen on the big screen in many years. Admit it, wouldn't you like to feel like a kid again, seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark in a dark theater?

So be sure to come back to the Paradise this July for our grand reopening and our 80th anniversary celebration.You'll be able to come out and enjoy coffee, pastries and a local band, yet to be determined. And then you can stick around for our first double feature: the 1933 classic King Kong (the first film ever shown at the Paradise) and 1983's Trading Places (the first film shown after Grandpa's original remodel). No, those movies don't really go together, but we just wanted to celebrate the Paradise's previous milestones.

Harry Caray From Beyond

It's been a while since I posted a decent hilarious video. Here's Will Ferrell as Harry Caray on SNL. Have a great weekend, kids.

New Tales from Old Navy: The Post Holiday Non-Rush

The holidays are over. For many people in the world of retail, this means that things have ground to a halt. For me, I notice the slowness in my lack of a work schedule.

That's a bit of an exaggeration. I'm still on the schedule. But recently, it's only been for one or two shifts per week. But the nights that I've gone in have been kind of dead. I'd use the term "silent as the tomb," but we still have music playing over the loudspeaker.

I led myself to believe that things would stay busy for a little while after Christmas, what with all the returns and all. Funny enough, there haven't seemed to be as many returns as I thought there would be.

I worked tonight and last night. On both of these nights, I walked into a store that was about as perfect as it could be. I was given the task of straightening up the women's sections of the store. To keep myself busy I ended up folding and refolding clothes that already looked okay to begin with.

Tonight I found out that I was one of the few holiday hires that will be staying on the schedule on a permanent part-time basis. That's a relief, knowing that I won't have to seek part-time employment elsewhere to help me out when the snow days eventually come and I can't work at the school. And the snow days will come. I will remain optimistic on that point.

Not everyone that was hired for the holidays will be sticking around. And some of those grapes are a little sour. So I'm just keeping my mouth shut while I'm in the store. No point in bragging that I get to keep working 10 hours a week while their jobs are disappearing.