Shut Up, You're Bothering Me

Do you work with someone who has a tendency to annoy you? Does this someone annoy lots of people? Let me assure you, I feel your pain. Lots of people, I'm sure, feel your pain.

See, in the workplace, people from numerous walks of life are thrown together for anywhere from 6 to 10 hours a day, give or take. I'm trying to be as vague as possible with that, 'cause I really don't know how long you happen to work in a given day. I'm at work for 7 hours in my current job. But that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, unless you happen to be a hiring manager, you don't get to choose the people with whom you work. So you're not always going to like some of those people. If you're very lucky, you'll find that you get along with your coworkers, and may even become friends with them. But, chances are, there's gonna be one or two that just get right under your skin and take up permanent residence there.

Would you like an example from real life? Of course you would. I work at a school. And we all know that teaching is a noble profession. Those who choose to teach deserve our undying respect. Most of the time. Working closely with teachers has allowed me to get to know a number of them. I've come to know likes and particular dislikes. Especially where other teachers are concerned.

More often than not, I choose to eat my lunch in the teacher's lounge. It's nice to hang out with the adults every now and then. Used to be I would eat lunch with one or two of the kids I work with each day. While that works out great when I need to clock some time, it meant that I was unable to get a decent break from the job during my day. You can learn a lot when eating with teachers. And I'm not talking about the various subjects they teach.

I've learned that there are certain teachers who love to talk. One in particular, I'm convinced, might just be talking to hear herself speak. She may be in love with the sound of her own voice. Not a lunch period goes by without some kind of input from this particular teacher. Others in the room could be having a genuine conversation about some pressing matter. She will cheerily interrupt with her thoughts. But not her thoughts on the subject being discussed. These could be her thoughts on her current living situation or her latest imagined illness or why she likes the color purple.

I'm a quiet person by nature. I sit and listen. I observe. I see a lot of eyes rolling. I hear a lot of sighs. But no one seems willing to tell this woman that she gets on their nerves. I would, but I really don't feel like it's my place. Yet. I may get there some day. Just not today.

But I was close today. In the afternoons, I join the teachers outside as the children load the buses to go home. As is the usual, I stand there quietly, not speaking unless spoken to. For some reason, this afternoon, this was interpreted as an open invitation to the teacher mentioned above to walk up to me to talk about the weather. I was polite. I kept up my end of the conversation for as long as I felt was necessary. And then I walked back into the school. At which point several other teachers decided to point and laugh in my general direction.

I understand their annoyance. But I do believe, at times, they bring it on themselves. One morning I mentioned to a friend that I woke with a headache. At lunch, she asked if I was feeling any better. This opened a can of worms for that other, talkative teacher to go off on a tangent about her own headaches and how bad they can be. Once she left, I turned to the others, "Why would you even bring that up? You knew that would happen. If you're concerned about my well being, you wait until she leaves to ask." That should be the rule from here on out.

This legendary tale from the teacher's lounge is a true story. The names have been omitted to protect the innocent. More importantly, the names have been omitted to protect the not-so-innocent. Oh, by the way, if you don't know someone at work that annoys the crap out of you, there's a good chance that you are that person for someone else.

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Question of the Week: Friendly Honesty

If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend?

We'd probably be friends for life. Because that would mean that person is able to be brutally honest with me. I appreciate honesty. I may not always appreciate it at the moment it's delivered, but eventually I'll get around to appreciating it. Oscar Wilde said, "A true friend stabs you in the front." I've always taken this to mean that a real friend will be willing to say the things we need to hear, rather than say them to others behind our backs. A real friend is someone who won't just be there while we're smiling and having a swell time. A real friend is there for the worst of it too.

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It had been a long day for Bobby Christopher. He wasn't exactly living the dream as a telemarketer. But times were tough and a job was a job. For the last four months, he had found himself day in and day out sitting in a small cubicle, attempting to sell HBO to cable customers all over the country. It wasn't physically demanding, but some of the things he heard from people could be psychologically draining.

The polite ones simply said no and hung up on him. But those weren't the interesting ones. He found the rude customers much more entertaining. These are the ones that would cuss at him over the phone and tell him to get a real job. If only they knew, this wasn't his real life.

Bobby's real life involved the real estate market, which pretty much tanked a few years back. These days, there wasn't a lot of money to be made for a real estate agent. At least, not in the area where he lived. So to make ends meet, he picked up some part-time work for the cable company, making calls and selling HBO.

The computer automatically made another call. In his earpiece, he heard the ringing, then he heard the familiar, "Hello?"

A name was displayed on Bobby's screen. "Hi, may I speak with Mr. Thanatos?"

"You've got him."

"Hi, Mr. Thanatos, I'm with your Cableville and I'm calling with a special offer of--"

"--Offer of HBO at a discounted rate," Thanatos interrupted. "Yeah, I know why you've called, Bobby."

Bobby blinked several times and stared at his computer screen. Had he mentioned his name already? He didn't remember mentioning it. But he must have, right?

"That's absolutely right, Mr. Thanatos. I'm sorry, have you already received a call from another agent?" Bobby asked.

"No, Bobby. I haven't spoken with anyone at Cableville before now. No, I've been waiting for your call all day," Thanatos said with a tone that frightened Bobby.

He was still staring at his computer screen and had broken into a cold sweat. He couldn't explain why he felt so afraid. Something about this Thanatos guy struck Bobby as off.

"Are you still there, Bobby?" asked the man on the phone.

"Yes, sir, I'm still here."

"Good. Now, I want you to listen to me very carefully. Are you listening, Bobby?"

"I'm listening," Bobby said, as if he could choose to ignore what Thanatos was saying.

"Do you know what Thanatos means? It's Greek. Means death."

"I think I remember reading that somewhere, yes."

"Then you understand that I am Death," said Thanatos, his voice sounding more ominous with every passing moment. "You were fated to contact me today, Bobby Christopher. It is your destiny to meet with Death on this day. The question is, will you choose to meet Death face to face or will you try to flee from Death?"

Bobby stood up quickly. The wire from his headset pulled him unexpectedly back down.

"Don't panic, Bobby! Calm down! We're just talking right now. Besides, you can't go until you sign me up for HBO. I definitely want to subscribe."

Bobby was confused. The confusion did nothing to abate his fear. Why would Death incarnate want to subscribe to HBO? Was it for True Blood? Game of Thrones? He pointed the mouse and clicked a few times. And just like that, Thanatos was connected to HBO.

"You've got HBO, Mr. Thanatos. Does this mean you'll spare my life a bit longer?" Bobby asked, trying to sound light.

"I'm not so sure about that, Bobby. Can't you just pretend you didn't talk to me today and go about your life as if you don't know when I'm coming for you?" asked Thanatos.

With that, Bobby ended the call. The customer got what he wanted. He suddenly felt sick. He logged out of his computer and made his way for the door. His shift wasn't really over, but he was certainly done for the day. He ran through the parking lot and got to his car in record time. Leaving work, he drove recklessly down the road, narrowly missing a parked car. He nearly collided with a car when he ran a stop sign. In his panic, he drove more dangerously than he ever had.

AFI 44 - The Philadelphia Story

The Philadelphia Story

1940

Directed by George Cukor

Netflix sleeve: Socialite Tracy Lord (Katharine Hepburn) prepares to remarry, but her ex (Cary Grant) and a tabloid reporter (Best Supporting Actor Oscar-winner James Stewart) have other ideas as they converge on her home for a fateful visit. The three stars form an incomparable trio in one of the most tantalizing screwball romances ever. And under the direction of George Cukor, this once-urbane Broadway comedy springs to life with precision and wit.

Movies with a love triangle are a dime a dozen. This little film is different. It has something of a love pentagon. As confusing as that sounds, it kind of works. This particular old school rom-com has a lot of funny moments. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I'm not even a big fan of Katharine Hepburn. Don't think it'll make my own top 100, though.

Getting Animated

Most of my readers are probably not severe comic book geeks, like myself. But I'd be willing to bet that more of you happen to spend time watching movies from time to time. Chances are, you don't watch or obsess over quite as many films as I have, but I'm hoping you won't just click away when you discover what the subject line is really all about.

I've mentioned a number of times that, when it comes to comics, I consider myself a hardcore DC, not so much a Marvel. If I were made of money, I'm sure I'd invest some cash in more than a few of Marvel's monthly titles. As it is, I can barely afford to keep up with my DC stories. But I do. And I love them. I love the characters and have since I was old enough to hold a comic book in my hands.

If you're a Marvel fan, then you've been really excited over the last few years by the quality and quantity of amazing movies that have been released featuring your favorite super-heroes. If you're a DC, like me, you've probably been disappointed by the lack of stellar films. It seems that, in the DC Universe, unless you dress like a bat, your fate is to fail at the box office (if you're lucky enough to make it that far).

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The Wonder Woman feature film lost momentum somewhere along the way. And, for a while, it was supposed to be written and directed by lord of the geeks, Joss Whedon (of Avengers and Buffy fame). If anyone could have given a super-heroine like Wonder Woman an awesome movie, it would have been him. But now he's turned to the Marvel side. Lost to DC forever.

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Green Lantern had a shot at box office glory. But that light sort of fizzled under too many special effects and not enough quality story. Let's not even talk about Halle Berry's Catwoman or Shaquille O'Neil's Steel.

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Then we come to my favorite. The super-hero that started it all. Superman. He had a good run there in the late '70s and early '80s. Then Richard Pryor headlined Superman III and it hasn't exactly been uphill for the Man of Steel since then. I'll admit, I enjoyed Superman Returns, but it wasn't a great movie. It had a lot of problems. It certainly didn't run as smoothly as Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy. Superman's getting another movie this summer with Man of Steel. I'm trying to be optimistic, really. But I can't help but wonder what happens if it fails.

Justice League as drawn by Jim Lee. Via

Here's the thing, DC Comics and Warner Bros. are basically under the same roof, right? That means a major movie studio has access to an incredible stable of heroes with stories that stretch back 75 years. That should give them a proverbial cornucopia of movies for years to come. But they just can't get it right. Unless, again, it's a movie about the Batman.

But I've noticed something interesting. In the last couple decades, Warner's animation department has been doing something right. If we start with Batman: The Animated Series and move from that success through their most recent endeavors, things are looking pretty good. Over the last few years, DC has released a number of quality straight to DVD animated features. Several of them are Superman- or Batman-centric, but there are others that focus on other heroes, like Wonder Woman and Green Lantern. There are also several which feature the heroes working together as the Justice League.

And then there's the DC Nation block of programming on Cartoon Network. This is an hour of TV that has me looking forward to Saturday morning cartoons, something that hasn't been true since I was a kid and we actually had good cartoons on Saturday mornings. Cartoons, these days, suck. There's Green Lantern: The Animated Series, which, despite being CGI, has a feel that's very similar to the '90s Batman series. The second half of the DC Nation is filled in with Young Justice, which I consider some of the best super-hero storytelling outside the comics themselves (and better than some of the stuff DC is currently putting out).

As I said, I want to be optimistic about Man of Steel. And I want to be optimistic about the announced Justice League film that's supposedly coming in 2015. But there's a chance that things will just fall apart again. Because, despite having these awesome characters to work with, Warner Bros. seems completely unable to do it right. At least, when it comes to real live action.

If live action fails, why not lean on your animation department? Why not release your animated super-hero films to wide audiences instead of immediately putting them on a disc? Just a thought.

And hey, if you're looking for a good animated super-hero movie and happen to have Netflix, check out Superman/Batman: Apocalypse, Justice League: Doom, Batman: Under the Red Hood, or All-Star Superman (which is possibly the best Superman story ever written). In the meantime, I leave you with the trailer for Man of Steel (which better be awesome).

Ideas for J.J. Abrams' Star Wars

Earlier today, it was announced that J.J. Abrams would be directing the new Star Wars movie, due out in 2015. Of course, this film would be listed as Episode VII in the Star Wars saga, but there's been a great deal of speculation as to what the movie would actually be about. The numbering of the episode suggests that it would take place after Return of the Jedi. The only thing that George Lucas has said for sure is that the upcoming trilogy will not be based on any existing books or comics, but will be an original story. With what we know thus far, I've taken some time to think about a few possible directions that the space opera could go.

Pitch 1 - During the celebration on Endor, after the destruction of the second Death Star, Han Solo writes a touching, if mysterious note in Princess Leia's yearbook. Based on his written words, Leia gives up her dreams and her future plans and decides to follow her crush all the way across the galaxy to attend the same space flight academy. Leia, of course, has no interest in learning to fly spacecraft, but she convinces herself it's worth it because she thinks she's in love. No? How about...

Pitch 2 - During the celebration on Endor, after the destruction of the second Death Star, Leia is approached by a mysterious man in an Alliance uniform. She's informed that she has been chosen as a recruit for a special division of Alliance Intelligence (AI). Despite the death of the Emperor and the destruction of the most powerful weapon in the galaxy, there are still remnants of the empire out there that need to be eliminated. Leia accepts their offer and immediately begins her training on Coruscant. When she becomes engaged to long-time love, Han Solo, she decides to come clean and tells him of her secret agent double life. Upon learning of the fact that she spilled the beans to Han, her superiors order his assassination. It's only then that she realizes she has been working as an agent for the remnants of the empire, not against them. She is then recruited by the true AI and tasked with taking down Empire Intelligence from the inside. The story then gets kind of convoluted with the involvement of obscure ancient Jedi and Sith artifacts that seem to have no real connection to the story at large. Yeah, I'm not sure about that one...

Pitch 3 - After the celebration on Endor, all of our major characters hope on board the Millennium Falcon and decide to take a well deserved vacation. Unfortunately, they crash land on an uncharted planet that they initially believe to be uninhabited. The Falcon is beyond repair, so our fearless crew can only hope for rescue but make the best of their situation in the meantime. Han makes speeches about living together or dying alone while Luke goes on and on about it being the will of the Force that they crashed on that planet, and that they were all there for a reason. It isn't long before they discover that they really aren't alone and that there's more to this planet than meets the eye. Stay with me, I've got another one...

Pitch 4 - What we didn't know at the end of Jedi is that when the second Death Star was destroyed, it created a singularity in space. The singularity grew and eventually engulfed the entire forest moon of Endor. The moon (and everyone on it at the time) emerged on the other side in an alternate universe. Our classic heroes did not become aware of this until they flew the Millennium Falcon away from Endor and realized that none of the stars looked familiar. It is then that they encounter the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise, members of the United Federation of Planets. Skywalker and the gang mistake them for a part of the imperial fleet (in spite of the vast design differences). This misunderstanding leads to action and hilarious hijinks and finally merges two of the most popular science fiction franchises of all time.

All right, all right... It's not likely that J.J. will ever even see any of these ideas, much less use them. But if one of these turns out to be the Episode VII that we see in theaters in two years, remember where you saw the plot first. And I will expect a pretty big royalties check.

100 Days

Today marked the one hundredth day of the school year. In some ways, it's hard to believe we've already reached this point. In others, it's hard to take the fact that there are still 80 days left.

It's been a somewhat eventful school year. My own job has seen a lot of changes. I've picked up new clients, discharged some for ridiculous reasons, shifted caseloads only to have caseloads shifted back. It's been kind of nuts.

I've observed as 7th graders studied the election process. I've watched as 1st graders have learned to spell wurds that I've been taking for granted for more than 20 years. I've sat in the back of the class as 2nd graders have explored ancient cultures from Egypt to China.

I've survived a couple strains of the common cold and managed to dodge about a dozen other illnesses. I've been witness to digestive explosions, hundreds of bathroom breaks, and more than a few emotional meltdowns.

There were plenty of 100th day celebrations throughout the younger grades. Many teachers took the opportunity to involve their students in activities involving the number 100. In the 1st grade classroom, the children were asked to imagine what they would be like at the age of 100. Each of them was given the chance to draw a picture of what they might look like when they reach 100 years. So I did too.

You'll notice that I went with a Doc Brown kind of look. Also, I'm missing my left leg below the knee. I decided that it's highly likely I had to have it amputated at the age of 65 after a tragic time traveling accident. But, if I'd thought ahead, I'd probably have realized that in 68 years it's likely that I'll have a very lifelike robotic prosthetic leg.

Now, 80 days remain until the legendary summer break. I'd love to believe it's all downhill from here. Somehow I don't feel I can afford to be that optimistic about it.

The Poopsmith Strikes

It was thought that Tuesday would be a fairly simple day. The faculty and staff of the local elementary school returned to work after an unexpected break thanks to a quick winter storm. The school system even helped to cushion the blow of going back to work after a four day weekend by announcing a two hour delay.

But it was not to be an easy day. As it turns out, easy days are a true rarity in an elementary school.

On Tuesday afternoon, someone made a disturbing discovery in one of the boys' bathrooms. A student walked into a stall to find that someone had removed feces from the toilet and smeared it all over the walls.

Whoever committed this disgusting act of vandalism was not very good at covering his tracks. He had gotten some of the fecal matter on his own shoe, thereby tracking it back into the third grade classroom. According to authorities, this narrowed down the list of suspects dramatically.

Every boy in the class was escorted into the hallway and lined up along the wall. Each shoe was expertly examined to find who had stepped in the poo. By this time, it was difficult to find adequate evidence to properly accuse one of the students of the crime.

At this time, no one had been willing to step forward to take responsibility for the incident. The principal, angry that such an appalling thing would happen in her school, stepped in and told the boys that, if necessary, they would take samples from each of them, do some lab work, and match someone up to the crap that was on the wall.

We may never know if the principal was bluffing. Whatever the case, it worked. The alleged Poopsmith confessed to the crime. When asked why he would do such a thing, the Poopsmith had no comment. He currently awaits sentencing pending notification of his parents.

True story.

The Poopsmith is property of Homestarrunner.com

The Following

I like to talk a big game. A new television season starts in the fall or networks begin airing their mid-season replacements in the winter and I inevitably say that I don't want to start watching anything new. And then, inevitably, I start watching something new. And I get hooked.

That's the thing about these new dramas that hit the TV. I'm sure Lost wasn't the first television program to cause addictions, but it's the first one that I really felt like I couldn't miss on a weekly basis. And it seems like, since Lost's beginning, so many new shows try to recapture that magic. They come up with their hook, their mystery, that attempts to get people to come back for every new episode. It's worked for some shows (Once Upon a Time), not so much for others (The Event).

When Fox started showing ads for their new Kevin Bacon drama, The Following, I knew it would be one of those shows. So I was hesitant to watch it, even though I thought it looked awesome. Of course, I decided to watch it.

The pilot episode aired last night. And I missed it. But that's what miracles like Hulu are for. My initial impression? This show is freakin' awesome.

How do I describe the new series? It's a mystery/thriller that kind of plays out like you're watching a movie. At least, that's how the first episode felt. There's a lot of back story that was not revealed. But what they do reveal is enough to get you through that first hour.

Kevin Bacon plays Ryan Hardy, a former FBI agent who single-handedly brought down serial killer Joe Carroll, played by James Purefoy. Purefoy, you may recognize from A Knight's Tale, in which case you know that his word is beyond contestation. Bacon, of course, you would recognize from the classic game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Both play their roles very well.

They set up the series in a fairly grand fashion by playing out pieces of these characters' pasts. When Hardy was still an agent, he caught Carroll, nearly dying in the process. While Carroll has been rotting in prison, he's been plotting. He's been building a fanbase of psychopaths via various social networks. And now he has a cult of followers who are willing to do his bidding. Carroll was a college professor before being convicted of his many murders. That teaching bug never really went away now that he is grooming a flock of killers.

I won't give away any more of the show. It's not fun to watch. It's creepy, but it's very well thought out and very well written. I'm hooked. So if you happen to be looking for a new cop drama that isn't a typical cop drama and don't mind getting involved in a week to week whodunit, check out The Following.

Question of the Week: Silent Lies

Is it possible to lie without saying a word?

Absolutely. According to psychologists, 93% of human communication is non-verbal. That means that most of what we say to each other is based on body language... a look, a tilt of the head, a roll of the eyes. I'm really good with that last one. I use the eye roll without even being aware that I'm doing it most of the time. It's gotten me in trouble with some of the kids I work with before. I underestimate a child's ability to read facial cues, 'cause most of the ones I work with can't. But then there are the ones who do and they know a rolling of the eyes is not a positive thing and usually indicates that I'm kind of a jerk. Anyway, none of that has anything to do with lying via body language. What was I saying? Oh, yes... it is possible to lie without saying a word. But it's harder. Like with my involuntary eye roll, a lot of our body language is reflexive. Our bodies say things that we wouldn't necessarily say with our mouths. But those who have a great deal of self control can probably lie very convincingly without speaking.