Question of the Week: Regret

What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?

I don't like to look back in my life and think that I've had regrets about anything. I'm sure there are things that I would do differently if I had the chance to do them again, but I can't honestly say that I'm unhappy with the way things have turned out thus far. From where I stand, it's nice to look back and think about the good and the bad. Each little event that took me from one place to another have led me to become the man I am right now in the place I am right now with the people I have in my life right now. I wouldn't trade any of it for a thing.

That being said, I think I would regret chances not taken. In ten or twenty years, I don't want to look back and realize that an opportunity arose in my life that I chose to ignore. I don't want to play "what if?" when I sit down to compile my life story. So I guess I'll just have to keep a close watch for those opportunities and jump on them when they come along.

Ticket

The following is based on actual events.

I drive home from school the same way, each and every day. It's a routine. I know when to slow down. I know when to speed up. I know when to adjust my driving perceptions based on weather conditions and the drivers around me. I know the route like the back of my hand.

One day, in the not too distant past, I was making that drive home. I was moving along with the flow of traffic and, honestly, not really paying attention to my speedometer. Suddenly I noticed the flash of blue lights closing in on my rear.

"Aw, crap!" Only I didn't say crap. This is the last thing I need right now, I thought, I cannot afford a ticket!

My immediate reaction was to slow down. I didn't slam on my brakes, I just took my foot off the gas and let the laws of physics take their course. Several nearby drivers did the same thing. I kept an eye in the rear-view mirror, just to see what the sheriff's deputy would do next. I won't pull over unless he gets right up on my bumper.

I stayed where I was in the right lane, not speeding up, not slowing any more than I already had. As he got closer, I thought for sure that he had singled me out. And then it happened...

He whipped around me to get into the left lane. He sped up and took down the driver two cars ahead of me. I cannot remember the last time I was so vocal in my thanks to God for His blessings. At the same time, I couldn't feel my arms.

I had to have been speeding. Nothing reckless, but probably about 10 over the speed limit. And I'm sure, if I had pulled over at the instant that I saw his lights flashing behind me, I would have received a ticket for speeding. But he decided he had bigger fish to fry that day. For some reason, God chose me to be on the receiving end of a miraculous event, and I am extremely grateful for it.

A Day in the Life of a Chair

Via

My life is not as easy as one would think. I'm sure most people look at me and assume I have it made. I spend most of the day just hanging out. Standing still. Not doing much at all. Thus is the life of an inanimate object.

We chairs are a proud furnishing. There are so many of us, and we're all so different. You may as well try and find two snowflakes with a similar design. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration. After all, my life is spent in a classroom with 22 others that are nearly identical to me. After a few years, however, it's expected that we've developed marks and blemishes that make us each distinctive.

Yes, I ended up in a classroom. As a young chair on the assembly line, I dreamed of becoming a throne, perhaps a comfy desk chair. But I was made too small. All chairs have the same basic design: four legs, a seat, a back. If we're lucky, we get arms, as well. I was not so lucky. My seat and back are hard plastic and my legs are metal. I was made for one thing, and one thing only. Children.

My day begins the same way every morning. I'm upside down, my seat resting upon a desk. By the way, you'd think that chairs and desks got along famously. Truth is, we never speak. Desks are pretty stuck up. They think they're so much better than chairs, just because they have storage capacity. If only they knew, I have a cousin with a book rack under his seat.

Anyway, I don't enjoy being upside down. But that's how I spend my nights. On the plus side, it's quiet, which is a far cry from what the days bring inside the classroom. The child assigned to me arrives and pulls me off the desk. And he's not exactly gentle about it. It's a good thing I'm extremely sturdy. If someone threw him around with the same brute force that he uses with me, his fragile legs would have broken dozens of times. But I don't complain. I know that's just how these children are.

It isn't long after he arrives that he sits in me. I do have a small bit of job satisfaction. I like knowing that I can provide a place for someone to sit from time to time. And, thankfully, the teacher in this classroom likes to keep her students active. So I get plenty of breaks throughout the day.

That's not to say it isn't tiring, holding up a child throughout the day. No one ever asks if my legs get tired. Not that I'd be able to take a seat myself. It would just be nice to have the offer made. The end of the day sees me thrown back onto the desk. Again, I'm placed upside down. Again, it's not a gentle movement.

Some days are better than others. God help me on Taco Tuesdays. The kid that's assigned to me this year does not digest his Mexican food in a pleasant manner. But I take that punishment without saying a thing. It's certainly less fun than the days when the teacher throws some kind of party for the students. I have to say, my best day, was when the children were allowed to make blanket forts. I was draped in a Star Wars blanket. For a moment, I felt just like that old throne I dreamed I'd be. The moment was gone all too quickly, but I'll cherish the memory for the rest of my life.

I realize that you people see us as things. We're property. But try to treat us with a little respect, huh? I mean, we do provide a service without complaining even a little bit. I know it's easy to take your frustrations out on us. I've heard horror stories about the way some guy named Bobby Knight has treated my kin. If I could move, I'd shudder just thinking about his actions. Please, be kind to your four-footed friends. If you're not, believe me, we have ways of getting you back. You may be leaning back ever so slightly and we may just decide to shift the center of gravity a little too much. Accidents happen, people. Accidents do happen.

That Time I Got Beat Up By a Girl

Via

I'm a sarcastic individual. If you only know me through this blog, I would hope that my sarcasm comes through in my writing. But I know it's difficult to convey tone through the written word. Anyone who knows me in real life can pick up on my sarcasm easily. One of my best friends has even told me that my sarcasm will get me punched in the face someday.

Little does he know, it kind of already happened. It's not something I like to think about. And it's probably the sole reason why I keep a lid on the sarcasm until I've really gotten to know people. I've got to be friends, or at least comfortable acquaintances, with someone before letting my smart mouth off the leash. They need to understand how my sense of humor works and know that I never say anything with the intention of hurting feelings. Sure, it still happens sometimes, but I don't mean for it to.

Like I said, the sarcasm has already resulted in a punch to the face. I was in 5th grade. Back in those days, I was a chubby kid. Mom probably would've called me "husky." But it was pre-anorexia, so I wasn't small. I hadn't yet discovered that if you let out a smart remark or insult, you better be willing to deal with the consequences. Or be fast enough to run away from your pursuer. I was neither of those things.

I'll admit, what I said was mean. But, again, this is before I learned how to filter myself. I was just a kid and I came up with a witty comeback for something that had been said to me. I couldn't not say what was on my mind, right?

We started coming back in from recess on that fateful afternoon. Our teacher, Miss Barlow, had rearranged our desks while we were outside. She now had us sitting in new groups, which placed me next to the Amazon girl, Stephanie. I don't think she was really an Amazon, but may have been held back at some point. She was about a foot taller than me. I really don't know anything about her. Could be that she just hit a growth spurt earlier than all the other kids in our grade.

Around that time, Stephen King's It had been made into a television mini-series. Being the person I am, for some reason, I must have quoted it more than a couple times. Stephanie, upon seeing that she would be sitting next to me, said, "Great, I'm sitting next to It."

This is where I get mean. Please note that I'm confessing to being a real jerk here and that, as an adult, I would not say something this hurtful to someone. Stephanie had a bit of an acne problem. And, I'm assuming, she was pretty sensitive about it. Because, without missing a beat, I said, "Great, I'm sitting next to zit." I mean, it rhymed. She started it by calling me "It." Why shouldn't I say it? Because you're about to get the crap beat out of you, that's why.

I never saw anyone cross a classroom that quickly before. You know how some guys will joke that when they get in a fight, there will be two hits, "I hit you, you hit the floor." That's basically what happened. Her fist made contact and I was down. I may have foolishly tried to take out her legs in a halfhearted effort at fighting back. That was a mistake. She then kicked me while I was down.

So I still use humor as a defense mechanism these days. But I certainly don't use the sarcasm as a comeback unless I'm using it with someone I know won't rip me a new one. Stephanie got sent home early that day. I'm pretty sure she got a couple days off school for that too. We weren't close after that. Not that we were ever close before.

A Poem for Valentine's Day

Roses are red. Or yellow. Or pink. Or white. I think I saw an orange one once, but it might have been fake. Anyway...

Violets are blue. Wait, no they aren't. Violets are purple. But nothing rhymes with purple. I read somewhere that nothing rhymes with silver or orange either. Anyway...

Sugar is sweet. But, actually, saccharine is sweeter. Did you know that the artificial sweetener is actually 500 times sweeter than sugar? Maybe we should be comparing the sweet people in our lives to saccharine. Or even aspartame (180 times sweeter than sugar). Anyway...

Sorry, I kind of lost track of what this poem was supposed to be about. But it's not as if I have a Valentine to be poetic for. So, happy Valentine's Day!

Giving Up Again

Believe it or not, Ash Wednesday kind of snuck up on me this year. I didn't even realize that yesterday was Mardi Gras until late yesterday evening. In years past, I've spent time prior to Lent thinking about something to give up for 40 days. This year I didn't pay attention to the calendar and am completely unprepared.

Last night, I read an article that had been posted by a couple new Facebook friends. It discusses the meaning behind the season of Lent and the purpose of making a sacrifice. Feel free to click over to Relevant magazine to read for yourself.

So today is Ash Wednesday and, as of this morning, I still had not determined anything to give up. I feel like I'm arriving late to this particular party. So I spent most of the day trying to come up with something.

Last year I gave up fast food for Lent. It seems cheap to do that again. Also, it wouldn't be a great sacrifice this time around. Thanks to the attempt at eating healthier over the last few months, my instances of hitting the drive-thru have been fewer and farther between.

I could stop being sarcastic. Then again, no I couldn't. That whole humor-as-a-defense-mechanism thing sort of turns the sarcasm into a reflexive response. Just telling people I'm giving up sarcasm for Lent would come off as sarcastic.

On the news this morning, they shared a list of the most popular things that people give up. Some of these include meat, chocolate, alcohol, Facebook, swearing and sodas.

I could do without meat. But since I'm not exactly a vegetable's biggest fan, it would just about mean giving up food altogether. I don't like chocolate, so that's no sacrifice. I only drink on the rarest of occasions, so giving up alcohol would be pointless. I could definitely live without Facebook, but I use it to publicize the blog, so I'd be way too tempted to use it for personal purposes as well.

Back in college, I gave up sodas. Looking back, I have no idea how I did it. I'm so addicted to caffeine, I just don't know how I'd make it through the first few days. Which is probably exactly why I should choose that. Giving up something for Lent isn't meant to be an easy thing. It's not a sacrifice if it doesn't cost something, if it doesn't cause us to lean on God to help us through it. But it may be too late to start that one since I had a soda at lunch today.

Are you giving anything up for Lent? Does it feel like a real sacrifice?

Hallmark's Heartstrings

I'm usually very okay with a decent Hallmark commercial. I believe greeting cards serve a very great purpose because there are a lot of us who seem to be unable to come up with the right thing to say for the right occasions. But there's something about one of Hallmark's latest commercials that just... well, frankly, it scares the crap out of me. I'm gonna embed the ad below. Watch it, then stay tuned for my thoughts. And try to figure out the creepy part, it shouldn't be too hard.
Okay, did you catch that? Most of the commercial is just fine. It's almost sweet. You've got all these people who are looking for some kind of affirmation that a simple card can easily provide. But then there's the woman at the 18-second mark. She gets out of the car and as the car is driving away, she's following along quickly, desperately, clinging to the door while saying, "Tell me you'll never let me go."

Uh... Does this woman strike anyone else as a crazy stalker? It's not just the fact that she's hanging on to the car for dear life as her significant other is trying to make a quick getaway. It's the look in her eyes, as well. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure she's got the crazy eyes.

From the look of things, she just got out of the back of a cab. So it isn't the boyfriend who's pulling away. It's the astute cab driver who recognizes the insanity that just exited his vehicle. The dude in the back seat needs to be sure to tip that cabbie extra. Meanwhile, he needs to get home, make sure his door is locked about seven times, then run to the kitchen to make sure there isn't a rabbit boiling on the stove. It happens.

But the rest of the commercial? So heartwarming. Especially the kid dressed as a super-hero. Adorable. They just should have eliminated the lady who's late for her commitment hearing.

Question of the Week: Teach

If you had to teach something, what would you teach?

 

I think it's obvious. I would teach others how to be awesome. I have so much experience and practical knowledge. In fact, it would almost be a crime not to share that awesomeness with others. Also history. I've always found history fascinating. I'm of the belief that we can't truly know who we are in the present without learning who we were in the past. I'm not talking about a past lives kind of thing. I mean societies, cultures, families that shape our individual lives.

Illuminate

Via

His power seemed harmless enough at first. No one knew his real name. Even he didn't know his real name. The accident that caused his amazing transformation also caused him to forget whatever life he had known before. The media came to know him as Illuminate.

It has been rumored that the man who became Illuminate was working in a nuclear power plant and was exposed to some strange form of radiation. It's also been rumored that he was a test subject in a secret government laboratory somewhere. The stories all vary, but the fact remains, he was an ordinary man who suddenly had extraordinary abilities.

The most obvious of these abilities was his ability to glow. Wherever he was present, darkness could not exist. And it wasn't a power that he could turn off. His skin always shone brightly. When he first appeared in public, there was speculation that he could be emitting some kind of radiation himself. But that fear was dispelled by the guys in the hazmat suits with Geiger counters.

Whatever powers his luminescent skin also gives him the ability to fly. It wasn't long before the public discovered that Illuminate had other powers. These powers made him a little more dangerous in the people's eyes.

Illuminate reportedly stopped a mugger who had been attacking a young woman in Philadelphia. In his anger, Illuminate's skin grew so bright that it temporarily blinded both the attacker and his victim. The super powered man grabbed the mugger by the arms to pull him away from the woman. Doctors later reported that the criminal suffered from second degree burns on his arms which looked remarkably like hand prints.

Some people were grateful that the world now had a real super hero. Others were afraid. Those who feared Illuminate included some of the country's top government officials. While it was easy to agree that Illuminate was only trying to help, many people wondered what would happen if his powers continued to increase in intensity. Many asked what would happen if he was no longer able to control himself or his abilities.

Illuminate knew of the people's fears. He may not have known anything of his life before gaining his powers, but he had to believe had was a good man. He only wanted to help those who were unable to help themselves. But not at the cost of their comfort or safety. So he made a decision.

After only a few months in the public eye, Illuminate handed himself over to authorities. He asked them to keep him in a safe place. Not for his own safety, but for the safety of the world at large. He knew he was somehow able to manifest a seemingly endless supply of energy. Thus, he voluntarily became a human power plant, providing free energy to most of the eastern seaboard.

No one in the media has had access to the mysterious Illuminate. It can only be speculated that he is being treated well in a secret facility as he continues to give of himself to keep the lights on.

AFI 43 - Midnight Cowboy

Midnight Cowboy

1969

Directed by John Schlesinger

Netflix sleeve: To earn cash as a freelance sex stud and work toward his dream of becoming a kept man, hayseed hustler Joe Buck heads to New York City, where an improbable friendship blossoms when he meets seedy con man Ratso Rizzo.

I'm gonna go ahead and say this one won't make my personal top 100. Not that it was a horrible movie. Joe seems like a naive kind of guy and Ratso kind of preys on that at first. From there it gets a little depressing. I don't think this will be a movie that I'll watch repeatedly over the coming years. In fact, this may be the only time in my life that I watch it. And I'm okay with that.