Remembering Dean Dan

I was entering my first senior year at Bluefield College when I met Dan Bowman. He was just starting out as BC's new Dean of Students. At first, I wasn't sure what to think of this guy. But, being one of those people who somehow got involved in a lot of the student organizations, it wasn't long before I figured out exactly what to think of this guy.

I don't know who started it, or who coined the phrase, but soon after the start of that fall semester, Dean of Students Dan Bowman was known simply as Dean Dan. He was the kind of guy who wasn't afraid to get to know his students. He had an open door policy and welcomed us into his office at pretty much any time. No matter what was going on, Dean Dan could always be counted on for a Star Wars quote or a vague Karate Kid reference.

For the last few years, Dean Dan has been fighting a rare and aggressive form of cancer. Sadly, this past Thursday, he passed away after battling so hard for so long. I've been silent these last couple days, unsure what to say or how to say it. During those last two years of college, I came to think of Dean Dan as not just an administrator or a counselor or a mentor, but also as a friend.

I remember a time when I took advantage of that close relationship and really disappointed him. It was Thanksgiving of my final year at Bluefield. The campus was supposed to be shut down during the break and students weren't allowed back until a certain date. I decided to ignore those rules. At the time I was living in the dorm that had no outer security door. Because of this, I was free to come and go as I saw fit. Also, at the time, I was dealing with some family issues back home that I really didn't want to deal with. So I made the excuse that I needed to come back to Bluefield for work the day after Thanksgiving.

I wasn't very sneaky about it. It's not like I tried to hide the fact that I was staying in my dorm room two or three days before I was allowed to. But I also knew that, technically, I was breaking a rule. It wasn't a lie, I did work during that Thanksgiving break. But I didn't necessarily have to. I could have easily told my employer that I could not be in Bluefield during that time. I made a choice.

So it was no surprise that I was called into Dean Dan's office that Monday. It was the first and only time I ever had to sit across from his desk for disciplinary reasons. Honestly, I don't remember how I was reprimanded that day. What I do remember is the look of disappointment on Dean Dan's face. That hurt worse than any punishment he could have dished out. Oh, and it was thanks to that incident that students were thereafter required to turn in their room keys before leaving for any extended breaks. You're welcome, Bluefield.

Thankfully, Dean Dan wasn't the kind of man to hold a grudge. Once the air cleared, it was done. I'm grateful for the man that Dean Dan was and for the example he showed me as I was finishing my college career. I'm only sorry that I didn't take every opportunity to let him know how much I appreciated him between then and now. Our world's just a little darker now, though I'm sure Heaven is that much brighter.

The Funny Things I've Found on Pinterest

Yes, I do spend time looking at Pinterest. I might be one of 5 men who will freely admit to such a thing. But I find it to be a very practical type of social network. I use it to get new ideas for work... counseling activities and what not. I also find recipes that I might be interested in trying out at some point. A few I've actually attempted and they've turned out not so bad. Every now and then I'll search for words of wisdom. But mostly, I'll get on there and look for reasons to laugh when I'm bored or can't sleep. What follows are some of the funnier things I've seen.

A perfect match, really.

For all those Star Trek fans out there.

Sacrilegious? Legitimate paraphrasing?

The reason Venn diagrams exist.

My Dad, actually.

There are actually more that I wanted to post. But I think I'll save them for another time. Because things that are funny are funny all the time. Hope something here made you laugh tonight.

2 Gals, 3 Guys and 5 Guys

I'm usually not one to get attached to people. More often than not, I use the excuse that my introverted nature just prevents me from getting close and forming lasting relationships with the people I meet. The truth of the matter is, I've become pessimistic about relationships.

See, saying goodbye is a hard thing to do. But it's not as hard if the attachment isn't that strong. Over the years, I've trained myself to hold back with friends and acquaintances. Eventually, I move on, or they do. At that point, the inevitable goodbye hurts. The pessimist in me is convinced that it won't hurt as bad if I don't get that close.

But keeping one's distance is easier said than done. Anyone who reads this blog knows I value my alone time. But that doesn't mean I want to be lonely. I enjoy being around people (in doses). And being around people leads to making connections and becoming friends and forming bonds. Since this sort of thing seems to be unavoidable, Blacksburg may have been the wrong place to live.

Blacksburg is something of a transient town. Most of its inhabitants are students at Virginia Tech. Most of the people I've met since arriving in the New River Valley are graduate students. This means it's highly likely that they will leave the area once they've earned their advanced degrees. Which means that I'm making friends with these people knowing that I'll eventually have to say goodbye all over again. Even now, I know it's coming with several friends I've met over the past year. And I know I'm not ready.

I won't let that keep me from putting myself out there. Most of the people I've met have been through Northstar Church. It's a place where I've gotten more involved than I thought I would in such a short amount of time. That's not a complaint. It's actually a huge blessing. For a lot of years, I stayed away from churches in order to avoid the same kind of pain that came from saying goodbye to people. Actually, it was a different kind of pain, but it came from a similar place. It came from a lack of faith and a lack of trust.

That said, the people of Northstar have played a large role in helping me to break down the walls that I built up to keep myself from feeling any kind of emotional pain. The problem with those walls is that they've kept me from feeling a lot of emotion of any kind, even the more positive feelings. Funny how allowing people to get close can open you up to so many possibilities. My overall acceptance by these people has been somewhat unexpected, but incredibly welcome.

This past Sunday, I was approached by the pastor, Jeff, and he asked if I'd like to have coffee or grab lunch sometime this week. Since I had MLK Day off work, I suggested Monday. Then I asked if I was in trouble. Confession: I'm not used to people just asking if I'd like to join them for lunch. I know, blows your mind, too, doesn't it? I'm kind of a big deal, so you'd think people would be asking to break bread all the time.

Anyway, I met Jeff at the church office and he suggested some of the staff coming along. That was fine by me. The more the merrier. In the end, we were joined by Jeff's wife, Carolyn, and our youth and college minister, Ryan and his wife, Karin. Oh, and we ate at Five Guys Burgers and Fries, a place which, if you've never been, you should go to as soon as you get the chance. Can't be good for you, but it's all kinds of delicious.

I can't tell you everything we talked about. I can tell you that we all laughed a lot. I can't possibly know how many of the people I come into contact with over the coming months and years will stay in my life for more than just the coming months and years. I can tell you that I want to affect those people in the most positive ways that I can. I can also tell you that the people I've already come into contact with are affecting my life in incredibly positive ways.

No matter who comes and goes, I know for certain that I'm blessed.

Question of the Week: Regret

Have you ever regretted something you did not say or do?

I'd like to boldly state that I live my life with no regrets. To me, regrets are, in my opinion, a waste of time and not worth dwelling on. But just because I'd like to say that doesn't mean it's true. I have no doubt that most, if not all, people have regrets about one thing or another from time to time. I know I've had regrets. But sitting here, typing these words, I can't honestly think of any. Thinking about regrets simply causes us to play a "what if" game. It causes us to dwell on negative aspects of our past. Living in the past gets us nowhere. It's over and done and there's nothing we can do about it. If you're determined to set your mind on past events, then let them be the happy ones. Think about the people and times that have made you smile and laugh and be thankful that those people and events came into your life. Don't regret what could have happened if only you'd done this or refrained from saying that. We've got enough to worry about in the present without dredging up the worries of the past.

New Tales from Old Navy: Hanging It Up

"Would you like to hold on to the hangers?"

This is a question you're likely to hear from me or any number of my coworkers if you come through our line at the store. Well, you'll hear it if you happen to be purchasing clothes that are hung and not folded. That's because we want you to have the option of keeping these hangers for yourself. After all, if you're buying something that's on a hanger, there's a good chance you'll be hanging it in your closet once you get home. Unless you're like me and the article of clothing you just purchased ends up sitting in the bag on the floor of your closet for approximately 4 weeks before you remember you actually bought something and had every intention of wearing it.

Anyway, we give you the choice because, maybe you have your own hangers. Maybe you bought the fancy 10 pack at Wal-Mart for $1.50. If that's how you roll, then we want you to keep rolling that way, you big spender.

Personally, I like for people to refuse the store's hangers. That is my preference for one reason only. It's so much easier to bag your clothes if I can fold them, rather than shove a barely flexible plastic hanger into the bag. Those hangers take up so much space and they're awkward and they tend to poke holes in things.

Granted, if you don't take the hangers home with you, I'm stuck with a tub full of unwanted hangers at the end of my shift. Those don't just disappear. At some point, I have to deal with them. But I'd still rather deal with those awkward contraptions than try to awkwardly fit them into the bag that you have to carry out of the store.

Don't let this bit of propaganda sway you, though. If you want to keep the hangers, by all mean, keep the hangers. I'll make it work. I'm just letting you know what I prefer.

A Letter from the President

Remember that time I wrote a letter to the President of the United States? Late last March, that's exactly what I did. It was the first time I'd written to any elected official as a registered voter. It's a letter that I sent not only to the president, but also to the two senators from Virginia and to my local congressman. I never expected to receive a response.

A few months ago, I received what amounted to a form letter from Senator Kaine's office. I assumed that would be the end of it. In fact, I'd pretty much put the letter I originally wrote out of my mind. Yesterday, I received a response from the White House.

If you don't want to click the above link to read my original words, you don't really have to. To sum up, I voiced my concerns regarding the state of social services in this country. Particularly, I was concerned with the state of Child Protective Services and their seeming inability to effectively protect children in our community. This letter, filled with my own frustrations, was written after witnessing a family of children continually get abused while CPS did nothing. Meanwhile, I've heard of a number of situations where CPS stepped in and removed children from good homes with parents who actually cared about their kids' well being. As a counselor, it breaks my heart to see these situations on either side of that coin.

I really expected nothing to come of the letter. I figured, at best, I would receive the same kind of form letter I got from Senator Kaine's office from several other elected officials. I expected nothing from the president.

The letter I received yesterday is typed. It was done so on December 26, the day after Christmas. If memory serves, the good people on the news said that the Obama family was in Hawaii at that time. While I've heard that President Obama does read a number of letters that arrive at the White House from time to time, I can't really assume he read mine.

But someone did. Someone read my specific concerns and specifically addressed them in this response. I can't say for certain that it was a staffer that wrote the letter. I suppose there is a possibility that the president himself wrote it. The writer makes it personal by saying "as a father," the well being of America's children are a high priority.

I can say with certainty that the letter was signed with ink. It wasn't stamped. So, at the very least, the president looked over the letter and gave his approval by putting his signature on it. The postmark on the envelope is from January 6. It arrived at my old post office box on the 14th before being forwarded to my current address, where it arrived yesterday, January 16. So my assumption is that someone on the president's staff wrote the letter the day after Christmas, gave it to the president for his approval once he returned from vacation, then dropped in the mail.

Again, I could be wrong. Maybe President Obama was sitting with Michelle and the kids the day after Christmas and said, "You know, I haven't heard from Aaron in a while. I should probably drop him a line." Yeah, I'm sure that's how it happened.

Whatever the case, I'm impressed by the response. My intent in writing the original letter was not to seek a sweeping change in the system. I just wanted my voice to be heard. This response does not represent a sweeping change in the system. It just lets me know that my voice was heard. For me, that's enough.

How I Spend My Snow Day

I'm always of two minds when it comes to inclement weather. On the one hand, I love working within a school system that has a tendency to shut down whenever the sky threatens to release frozen precipitation. On the other hand, I don't get paid if there's no school. If I was the kind of person who looked at life through long-term lenses, I'd probably spend a lot of time worrying about what's gonna happen when my paycheck comes after missing a number of snow days. But that's not who I am. I've come to embrace the present and enjoy the day off for what it is. I'll deal with the ramifications of a decreased payday when it comes next month.

Today is one of those days. Floyd County (or FloCo, as my friend Sarah describes it) got dumped on yesterday evening. I received a picture message from one of the teachers with whom I work around 5:30. It was an image of her back deck. There was roughly half an inch of snow covering the grill. Just before 7, she sent another message saying it was really coming down hard. Big flakes. The accompanying picture showed about an inch on the grill. Not long after that, she claimed her family was going sledding.

I was a little jealous. See, while I work in FloCo, I live in Blacksburg. Blacksburg got nothing. The kids in my neighborhood? They're all at school today. They went on time. I slept late. If you look outside my door, you'd have to wonder why.

This is my Snow Day! Isn't it magical?!

I didn't actually sleep late. Technically. I got up at the same time I normally get up. But I didn't get out of bed. I got on the computer. I surfed Pinterest for a while. I looked at the Facebook and the Twitter. I basically just killed time. Then I realized I didn't have anything to do or anywhere to be. So I forced myself to lie back down and attempt to sleep some more. I rationalized it by telling myself that I spend a lot of nights just not getting enough sleep. I figured this was a good opportunity to catch up, if such a thing is possible.

If you count that as sleeping late, I slept late. I don't know how I would classify that. Woke up on time, took a very early nap before really starting the day?

Anyway, eventually I got up. My plan is to be at least somewhat productive today. No, I don't have to do anything for work. My paperwork is completely caught up, so I have no stress there. But I've been meaning to clean out my room since the Christmas break. I just never got around to it. I've got a stack of books that have nowhere to live, I should find a place to put them. I've got plenty of clothes in my closet that I never wear, I should decide what I don't use anymore and take it to Goodwill. I've got some books I'd like to read, I could make a dent in one or two of those. Or I could play video games.

I still like video games. I just never justify the time it takes to play them anymore. Maybe I should do that today. I have a perfectly good PlayStation sitting next to my TV that gets used mostly for Netflix and viewing Blurays. I'm sure I still have games lying around somewhere. But I'll probably have to clean my room to get to them. Maybe I could go out and catch an early movie. I'm sure there's something worth seeing at a matinee.

The world is my oyster, friends.

Finishing What I've Started

So, there are a number of things I've started that I've never continued or come close to finishing. At the moment, I can think of two.

First of all, my friend Erynn challenged me to write a story. Initially it was supposed to be a one post deal. But I realized it could turn into something a lot more involved. I wrote a part one. Several months later, I wrote a part two. I intended to continue it soon after, but as of now I still haven't gotten around to posting part three.

Next, there's the Lois Lane thing. A few months ago I set out to write my own take on Lois Lane, simply because I didn't like the way she's been handled in the comics in recent years. In thinking about how the stories would flow, I came up with a lengthy outline that could carry into 20 or more short stories. Thus far, I've written exactly one chapter.

I don't like feeling like I'm slacking on something I set out to do. I need to get on this stuff. For those of you who have enjoyed those stories or others that I haven't mentioned here, let me know about it. I'll be happy to get back to the fiction if that's what my readers want to see.

Answering Another Question with More Questions

You have no idea how happy I am to keep getting questions. This started last Thursday and I wasn't sure what kind of response I would get. It's been nice to have questions trickle in like they have. Go back and take a look at the previous questions and answers here, here and here.

Vanessa asks, "If you had one afternoon here on earth that Jesus came to meet you for coffee, etc., what would you want to ask Him or pick His brain about?"

So, basically, I've got the Creator of the universe sitting across from me at the Starbucks? And I can ask Him anything at all? Where do I begin?

• What's the deal with black holes? Are they vortexes that lead to other dimensions or times? Do they just crush things that get pulled in?
• What's the correct plural form of the word vortex? Was I right with vortexes or is it vorteces?
• Can you explain how dinosaurs fit into the history of creation? If so, please explain.
• What about the first people? Was it really just Adam and Eve to start things off? Where did Mrs. Cain come from? Was it his sister? And what about the city Cain built after he killed Abel? A city implies a large group of people that comprise a community and, if that's the case, where did that population come from? If they're all Adam & Eve's unmentioned offspring, did they have a problem living in town with a brother who killed their other brother?
• Is it okay that I sometimes question the logistics of things I read in the Bible? I do have faith to get me through it all, but that hasn't stopped me from being a logical thinker.
• Okay, really, what was the smoke monster from Lost?
• Did it hurt? (I know, dumb question.)
• Does it still hurt whenever I commit a sin?
• Is it possible to be free of temptation here on earth? I know it's possible to resist temptation, it would just be easier if temptation wasn't a thing.
• How many stars are there?
• Is there intelligent life on another planet?
• How many hairs are on my head? (I won't go behind You and count. I'll just take Your word for it.)
• Am I gonna go bald?
• Will I ever get married?
• If so, do you think you could equip her with a big neon sign over her head that only I could see? I'm not so great with the striking up conversations with random people. A neon sign that said "THIS IS THE ONE" would be a nice icebreaker.
• Are ghosts real? Or are they like I've believed for some time: demons that take the form of people's loved ones to confuse and deceive?
• Do You wanna build a snowman?
• What's Your favorite food?
• What's Your favorite book of the Bible? Favorite verse? Feel free to pick of Your own quotes, I won't think it's conceited.

I should probably write these down. I will want to be buried with the list, that way I don't forget anything when I get to Heaven.

That's it for now. Keep those questions coming!

Question of the Week: Lifted Spirits

What lifts your spirits when life gets you down?

The short answer: laughter.

It doesn't matter what the problem is. Laughing can either fix the problem or make me forget about it for a while. I'll admit, there are times when I'm really upset, even pissed off at the world, and I just want to wallow in my misery. I'm not sure if that's a symptom of some kind of psychological condition or not, but in those funks I'm resistant to attempts to make me laugh. At times, I'm even a little resentful of anyone who tries to cheer me up. But if people keep at it or show me an episode of How I Met Your Mother, eventually I'll crack.

To anyone who has seen me at my worst and tried to cheer me up, I'm sorry I didn't appreciate your attempts. To those who managed to get through and make me laugh, thanks for not giving up despite my pitiful attitude.