Day Thirty

A Dream for the Future

This seems really similar to yesterday's post. I'm not really one to plan for the future. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. And while I don't necessarily think of myself as a pessimist, I'm definitely not an optimist. I joke around with people and call myself a realist. To me, that just means that good things are gonna happen and bad things are gonna happen. That's life.

So to have hopes and dreams for the future can be a good thing. But to invest too much into those dreams may be unrealistic and can lead to some pretty real heartache. And again, it could be that having this point of view is what's held me back for so long. I've talked a lot recently about how I shut people out, all because I don't want to deal with the pain of being let down. By not investing in any kind of dream for the future, I guess I'm doing the same thing. Except in this case it would me doing the letting down, not someone else.

That being said, I suppose I do have some things I'd like to see happen in my future. I'm only 30, so I guess I've still got time for these things to happen if I just apply myself. Like I said yesterday, I'd still like to finish writing a book and maybe even see it published.

Another thing that's been on my mind lately is the idea of finding someone to spend my life with. In spite of the fact that so many of my friends' and family's relationships have ended painfully, there's still a part of me that sees the appeal in finding a girl that I can stand to spend more than 10 minutes with and settling down. I'm hoping this kind of thing won't be an impossibility for me. I have grown really cynical over the last few years. Cynicism isn't really a helpful tool when it comes to picking up chicks.

At this point I'm still not sure about whether I would want to have kids. If I ever do decide I want kids, it will be because the previous paragraph came to pass and I'm spending the rest of my life with an obviously wonderful, beautiful, intelligent woman with a great sense of humor. It will be because we came to the decision that it would be a good idea to bring a child into the world with all of our best qualities.

But for now, life is what it is.