American Idol: One

The finale is here. Two hours packed with filler until we finally get to the meat of the show in the final two minutes. Seacrest announced that 97.5 million votes came in. That's a lot. 56% went to one David. Which one? My guess, really, is Archuleta.

The top 12 return to do a little number. Along with performers from So You Think You Can Dance (beginning tomorrow night). No, I will not be blogging about So You Think You Can Dance. If I were to watch a dance show, it would probably be Dancing With the Stars, but only if there was someone on there worth watching. To this point, I haven't cared about that.

The Davids do a duet of Hero. Not the Mariah Carey song. The one from Spider-Man. Is Archuleta wearing a Member's Only jacket?

Extended commercial for the upcoming Mike Myers movie The Love Guru. The Davids saw the movie and then met Myers in character. He kind of mocks them, so it's not all bad. But mostly stupid. This really made me want to see that movie when it comes out. Not! (Get it? Wayne's World reference...)

Syesha returns for a solo performance. Jen's not gonna like that. Spoke too soon... not a solo. Duet with Seal. This must be the part of the show where the top 12 take turns singing with different mainstream artists. That should take up a good twenty minutes.

Jason Castro returns, resinging Hallelujah. And then another awesome Ford commercial featuring the top 12. And hey, Ford gave the Davids each an Escape hybrid. Isn't that special?

The top 6 girls group sing a Donna Summer medley... and I have to say, Amanda Overmyer looks thrilled to be a part of this. Then she gets her solo portion... I still don't like her voice. I have not missed her even a little bit. Ladies and gentlemen, the real Donna Summer comes out to sing her new single. She's got a new single? I'm gonna take their word for it. Seriously, Amanda just didn't look like she wanted to be there at all. I'm not sure that she was even singing half the time. And she was missing choreography all over the place. I mean, I'm sure she's bitter for being 11th place. But come on. Deal with it. You're on national television.

Carly Smithson and Michael Johns sing The Letter together. They've been paired together because they apparently departed the show sooner than they should have. Looking back, I remember being slightly surprised when they were eliminated. But it was always going to be the Davids in the final. So what does it matter? Once you're in the top 10, you're on the tour (sorry Amanda Overmyer).

Jimmy Kimmel returns to the stage to make fun of Sanjaya and to review the seventh season. That wasn't really a review of the season. More of a quick roast of the host and judges.

Top 6 guys sing Summer of '69. Really it's a Bryan Adams tribute. And as with the Donna Summer thing, the real Bryan Adams comes out on stage. At least in this group sing, all the guys seem to be into it. We don't have any stand outs like with the girls who just look dead inside. I won't mention any names ladies, you know who you are. And if you don't, just scroll up, I mentioned the name several times.

And we're still not halfway through the show. Jordin Sparks advertises for Walt Disney World, where there will soon be some sort of "American Idol Experience." Cook sings Sharp Dressed Man with ZZ Top. Brooke White sings Teach Your Children with Graham Nash.

The Jonas Brothers performed. Then we get the worst of the worst reel from the auditions. It was bad enough that we had to suffer through them the first time, why again? This makes me want to cry. The USC marching band is accompanying Renaldo on that song he wrote for Simon. Wow.

One Republic performs. Jordin Sparks performs. Gladys Knight performs, with Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr. standing in for the Pips.

And now the part of the night I've been waiting for. No, not the results, still waiting for that. Even better than that: Carrie Underwood performs... sorry... zoned out for a minute there. I might have drooled a little. Okay a lot. But enough about her and her really weird sleeves.

The 12 perform one more time before the real results. It's a George Michael tribute. And then the real George Michael comes out. No pun intended.

Final thoughts from the judges. David Cook pulled it off. I honestly didn't see that coming. But it's a pleasant surprise.

And now I have to find something new to write about on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. No, I will not start watching So You Think You Can Dance.