Life Story: Chapter One

I'm thinking about giving each of these "Life Story" posts a clever subtitle. I don't know how well that will go over as the stories progress. But I've got a really corny one for this...

If I had to title it anything, it would be "I'll be an Uncle's Monkey." You'll see why.

Before I was born, life was dull and boring. The world was black and white, kind of like the way Kansas was in The Wizard of Oz. Okay, it wasn't really black and white. Technicolor had been introduced to the global scene. Those who could afford the colorization technology were able to see blue skies and green grass.

I obviously don't have a personal memory of this story, but it's been recounted to me by my mother a number of times.

While I was in the womb, my mother had a dream. It was a dream that frightened her. With only a few weeks left in her pregnancy, she became terrified of what she was going to give birth to. See, back in the day, Dad had a head full of hair. And it was a head full of hair with a reddish twinge. Also, you should know that Dad was a hairy man. Eventually what was on top of his head would diminish a bit, but what remained everywhere else was more powerful than ever.

Back to the dream: Mom dreamed that she had gone into labor. She pushed and pushed and out I came. A little infant orangutan. I guess she thought that since her husband was covered in hair, her baby would be too.

In reality, it took years for that hair to appear. I was an adorable baby. Probably not on that first day though. I have yet to see a newborn that I think is absolutely beautiful. Newborns are not pretty. They're wrinkly and red and screaming. But I'm not judging them. They've just been through a very traumatic ordeal. But if I can find some, I'll post some pictures of my infancy in my next chapter.