Legends of the Bank Teller - Episode XII

This afternoon when I got to work I checked my e-mail, as I always do. What I found was a bit odd. Well, it was odd to me.

My manager had sent an e-mail to everyone in the branch requesting a Quarterly Plan of Action. I wasn't sure what this meant, so I asked one of my fellow tellers. Apparently it's a written explanation of how I intend to meet my goals in the next quarter. But not only that, I also need to explain how I plan to make up the deficit from this quarter.

In other words, next quarter, I not only need to meet the normal goals, I also need to work nearly twice as hard to get whatever I haven't gotten this quarter. Seriously? If I didn't meet the normal goal this quarter, what makes anyone think I'll exceed it next quarter?

My co-worker that explained this written statement to me said that I was expected to be detailed. How will I meet and/or exceed my goals next quarter? Here's what I'm tempted to say:

In order to meet the ridiculous goals that are set before each of us, I plan to be implanted with bionic parts. Physically, this will help me to move faster and therefore complete transactions much quicker. Intellectually, the computer chip in my brain will allow me to analyze each and every customer so I can know their needs judging from not only their account information, but from the way they dress, speak, and carry themselves. My computer brain will then allow me to know what to say and when to say it in regards to cross selling new bank products, whether the customer needs them or not.

That detailed enough for you?

I'll be honest, while I'm in school, dealing with the stress of papers, exams, and quizzes, I wanted to have a job that would involve next to no stress. When I interviewed as a teller, I was hoping to find a job where I would be able to work with people on a regular basis. I was hoping to find a job that would allow me to leave the job when I went home. I didn't want to have to sit down and come up with a strategic plan on how to sell things at the bank when I'm not a salesman. I'd like to be able to work with the customers, get their business done, then go home at the end of the day. Too much to ask? Yeah, I thought so.